UPJOKE
footwearcarnauba waxwaxpolishshoeshoeshinerbootturpentinesneakernaphthakiwiblackingtallowlanolinwren's

Shoe Polish Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went to see my dyslexic mate this morning and I caught him using black shoe polish on his penis.

Thick twat,I text him earlier to remind him to put his clock back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rags To Riches Success Story

A real touching success story! 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. 

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do...

shoe polish

"If you'd had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got away with it," I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing.



Then I realised that was in bad taste. Why would he have a tin of shoe polish?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

What should one do to rise and shine every morning?

Eat yeast and shoe polish.

What did the cobbler say to get the slavs off his lawn?

Shoe polish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since it was such a crappy day, I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life.

I came to realize that as I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Lance Armstrong ... I think i...

I was watching the Super Bowl with some friends...

and my fiancee's friend, who isn't very keen on sports, is commenting on the shoe polish streaks under their eyes.

She says "I just don't get it, what do those black things even do?"

I reply, "Well, play football, mostly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little misunderstanding

Last week I went to visit my buddy Joe. He's over 80, and sometimes gets a little confused. When I came in I saw he was covering his penis with shoe polish, and I yelled, Joe you're supposed to turn your CLOCK BACK !

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.