Sheen Jokes - 33 Hilarious Sheen Jokes

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen do?

Enough to kill two and a half men

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What do Martin Sheen and Donald Trump have in common?

They both played a president on TV

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BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.

Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.

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Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being HIV positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

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With all the negativity in the world today...

...at least Charlie Sheen is staying positive.

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What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common?

Bad blood.

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What nationality is Mr Sheen?

Polish.

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Did you hear about the Charlie Sheen sitcom where he's a merman?

It's called *Tuna Halfmen*

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Why do other actors hate working with Charlie Sheen?

Because he is bad with lines!

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What does Martin Sheen do when he gets mad at his daughter?

Rage Against The Ms. Sheen

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If Michael Sheen has a daughter he should name her Florence.

And her middle name? Andthema.

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What do you call Charlie Sheen in a wheel chair?

Roll AIDS

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charlie Sheen has a kilo of coke and five hookers, he does two eight balls and sends one of the hookers home, what does Charlie Sheen have?

AIDS, Charlie Sheen has AIDS.

Guys, I know Charlie Sheen isn't winning right now.

But at least he's positive.

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Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year

Next to his HIV diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Magic Johnson, Charlie Sheen and roughly 250,000 children in Africa have in common?

A continuing chance to create a better tomorrow.

You **sick** bastards.

Have you heard of Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohans new sitcom?

It's called "two and a half grams"

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Why did Amber Heard and Charlie Sheen's secret lovechild take his father's name instead of his mother's?

Because children should be sheen and not heard.

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What's the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and Charlie Sheen?

Charlie Sheen's winning.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when Charlie Sheen's brother has sex with him?

Emilio Incestevez

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Heard a strong rumour that Clarkson and Charlie Sheen are teaming up on a new show.

It's called Second And a Half Gear, and is about test riding Hookers and drugs and punching the shit out of anyone that gets in their way...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trouble asking a girl out

So there's this kid, let's call him Jerry. He's been eyeing this girl at school for months now, and there's a big dance coming up. He knows she doesn't have a date, and he would give anything to go with her- but there's a problem. Whenever he gets close to her, he gets an erection that would rival t...

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Why does cocaine help toddlers stop shitting their beds?

Because children should be Sheen and not Heard

What do you call an unhealthy glow on your face after a week long cocaine bender?

Charlie Sheen.

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A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

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Breaking news

Charlie Sheen has tested positive for every disease except corona virus

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As bad as 2016 seems to be, it could be worse...

You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen.

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Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is heading home from a big night in the town. As he walks through a seedier part of the city, he spots a lady of the night who is the most beautiful woman he has ever set his eyes upon.

A young man is heading home from a big night in the town.

As he walks through a seedier part of the city, he spots a lady of the night who is the most beautiful woman he has ever set his eyes upon.

He wanders over to her and quietly asks, "How much?"

The sex wo...

A renowned book critic heard about a new author that was rapidly gaining in popularity...

Naturally, he decided that he wanted to meet the author. After hours of searching, he finally located the author and scheduled a meeting. He booked a plane to Spain and arrived at the author's house. The author showed him all the books that he had published. There were books about nature, busines...

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An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.

The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

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Amish elevator.

An Amish man and his son walk into a hotel and were amazed by all the sights and sounds of the hotel. What interested the Amish man the most were the doors that had a bright sheen on them.

He turns to his son and says "Son these are some of the most amazing doors I have ever seen." At this ...

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A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

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