I had my first parachute jump today and was so terrified! This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane and as we plummeted, he said...
"So, how long have you been an instructor?"
Corona beer sales have plummeted just because of the name similarity
Which I don't get cause, when O.J killed his wife I didn't stop drinking orange juice
Nobody's driving anywhere, so oil demand has plummeted.
It really tanked.
The first time I tried parachuting...
The scariest thing happened on my first parachuting lesson. The first time you jump, you get harnessed to the Instructor.
As I plummeted through the air, waiting for the instructor to open the parachute, he turned to me and asked
"So, how long have you been an Instructor for?"
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A young man got lost in a forest,
after wandering around for a long time, he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost in this forest," said the man. "Can you let me stay in your house for the night?"
"Certainly," the old man said, "but on one conditio...
A young soldier was making his first parachute jump.
The corporal explained the procedure "You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn't open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up."
The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary "Geronimo! " and jumped o...
Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.
Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When Mick swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.
A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.
A construction worker fell off a tall scaffold.
His colleagues dashed over to the edge and looked down in horror as he plummeted towards his death, crashing and bouncing off the metal structure.
A worker gasped in shock, "He will be bloody missed."
His manager replied, "No he's not. He's a splatter on the pavement."
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.
The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, ...
The departing division general manager met a last time with his young successor and gave him three envelopes.
"My predecessor did this for me,and I'll pass the tradition along to you," he said. "At the first sign of trouble, open the first envelope. Any further difficulties, open the second envelope. Then, if problems continue, open the third envelope. Good luck."
The new manager returned to his ...
Rapid Roy was a daredevil who specialized in car stunts. He decided to retire in style and end his career by attempting a canyon jump in the worst car he could find. After doing some digging, he came across a Chevy Nova in an auction in Champagne, LA. It was in bad shape, but he took a chance, wo...
I own a series of vending macines
You know, in parks and stuff, you can get a coke, ginger ale, fanta, etc.
Business was going really well, so well I had to hire a guy to help. Right after I hired him though, sales plummeted.
Trying to figure out why, I went to a few of my macines. The snacks were fine, but the drin...
The Poor Snake Named Nate
So... Nate the Snake was the king of the jungle, by virtue of his immense size. Nate was the size of a freight train, and had a similar outlook on life. He ruled largely through terror and intimidation.
One day Nate the Snake was rumbling through the jungle, as was his own. Whenev...
A guy drank some magic beer
A man sat alone at the bar of a rooftop club. Soon another man sat beside him and asked him what he was drinking.
"Magic beer." the man said.
"What do you mean by magic beer?" the new arrival asked.
The magic beer drinker took 2 gulps of beer and jumped off the building....
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing golf...
Jesus, Moses and an old man were playing a round of golf and the score was dead even between the three players.
First up to try and break the tie was Jesus.
He wound up and followed through. The ball took a wicked dog leg to the right and fell into the water. Jesus walked over the wat...
It was a rough day when the shelf collapsed at the gun shop..
The stocks plummeted..
The Cathedral of San Giovanni
The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influe...
There was a support group for ugly people.
and each month when they would meet, there would be a small bus to pick them all up and take them to the meeting. Well one stormy night after picking everyone up the bus driver lost control of the bus on a bridge and it plummeted into the water and all of those hideous ugly people drowned.