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Phonebook Jokes

I asked my son to get me a phonebook

He laughed , called me a dinosaur , and handed me his iPhone .

The spider is dead , iPhone screen is cracked and my son is furious .

Why are there no Wongs in Chinese phonebooks?

Because you might wing a wong number.

A Blonde Walks into a Library

A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.

She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"

The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."

Cannibal restaurant

I went to a cannibal restaurant once, I asked for the menu and they gave me a phonebook...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to rob a bank

I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping u...

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The Golden Bar

A man comes home late at night and he is pretty smashed. His wife who was worried sick asks “Where the hell have you been?”
“The Golden Bar”, the man replies. “It’s an awesome place. They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer of course and even a golden urinal.”
The wife is not convi...

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A guy wakes up with a gorilla in his tree.

He looks at it and knows that he can't just leave it there for the day. So he calls the cops and says "There's a gorilla in my tree! Get rid of it!" The officer on the line says "Oh, that's an Animal Control problem." So the guy calls up Animal Control. "Hey, I got a gorilla in my tree! You gotta co...

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The Clown Joke

**Preface** - *I did not write this joke, but it has been my favorite for twenty years and remains the only long joke that I ever bother reciting irl. I hope you enjoy it:).*

"Johnny and the Clown"

Johnny is poor and has been all his life. He doesn't mind it much, except for the fact t...

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