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Pessimists Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many pessimists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. I am screwed, lightbulb is screwed, the whole fucking world is screwed

Why ate pessimists so good at developing photos

Because they always focus on negatives

I'm in a band called The Introverted Pessimists.

You've probably never heard of us, but that's fine.

Pessimists are like German vegetarians.

They fear the wurst.

What’s the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

Optimists vs pessimists

Optimists hope that we live in the best world.
Pessimists fear that this is actually the case...

Soviet pessimists and optimists

Soviet pessimist say "Ilya, things couldn't possibly get any worse"

Soviet optimist, with a big grin, says "Yes they can Sasha"

I'm sure pessimists live well

they never get frustrated.

Borrow money from pessimists

They don't expect it back.

Optimists, pessimists, and engineers

An optimist sees a glass half full.
A pessimist sees a glass half empty.
An engineer sees a glass that is twice as big as it needs to be.

What is a pessimists blood type?

B-negative.

Why can't pessimists work in drug testing?

They can't see any positives.

How many pessimists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Never mind, nobody would get the joke anyways.

I just joined the pessimists club.

Only had to fill out half or the registration form.

What do you call two pessimists dating?

A double negative.

Credit to /u/copperbonker

What is the most common blood type among pessimists?

B Negative.

I thought about starting a support group for pessimists...

...but why bother, it's not like it'd make any difference anyway...

Why do pessimists always think it's the weekend?

Because every day is a sadder-day.

The scariest thought of a pessimist

Optimists think that we live in the best of all worlds.

That's just what pessimists are so afraid of to be true.

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