UPJOKE
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Theist Jokes

I only believe 12.5% of the Bible

I guess that makes me an eighth-theist

How can you tell the difference between a theist and an atheist?

Ask them to read GODISNOWHERE

Theist: God is real!

Atheist: No, imaginary!

Mathematician: You make this needlessly complex.

Here’s a simple way of converting an atheist to a theist.

Just give them a little space.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are all sitting at a bar...

and I only know this because they won't shut the fuck up about it.

I'm a theist

I would be atheist, but I left a space for God.

What did the Atheist Beaver say when he woke up in hell ?

"well I'll be damned"

Why did the atheist go to church?

To use the Pokéstop.

Why was the priest thrown out of church?

He called himself “a theist”.

A reporter is interviewing the pope...

Reporter: Are you a theist?
Pope: No, I'm a theist!

A friend of mine opposes religion so much that they say they’re “allergic to Jesus.”

So I told them to take an anti-theist-amine.

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. The atheist actually changes the light bulb, rather than praying that it will be done.

A lot of people believe the chicken came first.

I'm egg-theist.

Jack, a renown atheist, dies...

... and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, ...

Today, I had two religious people for dinner.

That makes me an "ate-theist".

An Athiest in hell

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No...

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