A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"<...

Three old women were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat flashed them.

The first old lady got a stroke. The second old lady got a stroke. The third old lady had arthritis and couldn’t reach.

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A man walking his dog comes across an old man sat on a park bench sobbing

He walks up to him out of concern, and says "Is everything OK?".

The old man says "Well not really".

"What's wrong?" says the man?

"Well a couple of weeks ago, I married this 30 year old exotic dancer. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Every morning, she wakes me up...

Three old men sitting on a park bench…

Man #1: I wish I can sleep through the night, I get up every 2 hours to pee.

Man #2: You think that’s bad? I’m constipated and haven’t had a bowel movement in a week.

Man #3: You think you guys have problems? I sleep throughout the night and every morning at 7:30 I empty my bladder and...

Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive naked young man runs by in front of them.

The three old ladies, who hadn't had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.

Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, "wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack."

Edna, rubbing her neck, added, "I almost had an asthma attack!"
...

Two men are sitting on a park bench

And a stray dog comes along and sits down next to them. Then the dog starts licking its balls.

The men watch for a moment and one says "Gosh, I wish I could do that."

The other says "Well, you'd better pet him a little first."

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A man is walking to work when he spots a young boy sitting on a park bench, covered in empty candy wrappers.

The boy had a stack of candy bars, and was getting ready to open another one, when the man stops him and says:

“Young man, you really should not be eating this many candy bars. Overeating sugar like that can lead to all sorts of medical problems that will make you die younger!”

The boy...

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A Japanese, a German and a Chinese are sitting on a park bench

they start to talk and gets an urge to brag.
First the Japanese takes a pen out of his pocket and dismantles it, then shows it's body and says 'We made this'
the German takes out refill and says 'We made this'
the Chinese takes them and reassembles them, then takes a small marker and writes...

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A guy from out of state was roaming around the Harvard campus, a bit lost, when he came upon a distinguished looking gentleman reading on a park bench, possibly a professor. The guy asked him politely - "Hey, where's the library at?". The man looked up with a frown, and responded "This is Harvard,

good sir, we don't end our sentences with a preposition".

To which the guy replied - "My apologies. Where the library at, asshole?"

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A little boy is sitting on a park bench,

Eating 5 pounds of chocolate. He's eating, eating, eating, really having the time of his life. As he finishes the bag, an old man walks up to him and says "Son, you know it's really not good to eat so much chocolate! You'll get diabetes, high cholesterol, it can really cause serious medical issues."...

[NSFW] 3 nuns were sitting on a park bench when a man came along and flashed them. 2 of the nuns had a stroke.

The third one missed.

Two blonds are sitting on a park bench at night looking at the moon...

One leans to the other and says "Which do you think is closer: Florida or the moon?"

The other blond says "Obviously the moon. You can't see Florida."

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Three old men, 70, 80, and 90 years young, sat on a park bench for a chat.

During their conversation, the topic of sleep schedules and bodily functions comes up. Of course, being a competitive group, each one feels the need to have the most significant problems.

The 70 year old says, "I wake up at 5 AM every morning and need to pee urgently, but I have to stand th...

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An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading the Tehran Times

A friend sees him and says, "Oy, Moishe! How can you read that rag? Don't you know the things they say about us?"

To which the man replies, "Well, I used to read to read the Jewish papers, but they're so depressing. Every headline is 'Jews Being Persecuted!' 'Jews Living in Poverty!' 'Jews Be...

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A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his o...

Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench.

Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"

Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."

Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer."

A condom and a mask are sitting together on a park bench.

A condom and a mask are sitting together on a park bench. The condom looks at the mask, and says “they won’t wear you either, huh?”

Little Jonny was sitting on a park bench enjoying a cigarette.

A woman stopped, “excuse me young man, but I’ll have you know that those can take years off of your life.”

“No disrespect ma’am, but I’ll have you know that my grandfather lived to the ripe old age of 104.”

“Did he smoke also?”

“No, he minded his own f\*\*king business.”

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A little old lady was sitting on a park bench when I approached her, opened my raincoat and exposed myself to her. "Hello!" I grinned, pointing to my genitals, "do you know what this is?"

She adjusted her glasses, squinted for a moment and said, "Yes! It looks just like a penis -- only *much* smaller."

Three old women are sitting at a park bench, talking about the weather

when suddenly a naked man runs past them. Th first woman has a stroke. the second one has a stroke as well. the third one almost had a stroke, but her arms were too short.

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Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a Flower Show was in progress. One leaned over and said to the other, "Life is so darned boring, we never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid Flower Show!"


...

Two old men sitting on a park bench discussing their junk

First one says, “I’ll bet you mine is longer soft than yours is hard.”

Second one says, “That’s ridiculous. I’ve known you my whole life. Never have you, _or your wife_, bragged of such a thing.”

“Fifty bucks says mine is longer soft than yours is hard.”

“You’re on. How long is ...

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There was this woman sitting on a park bench muttering to herself and spitting. She would mutter then spit, mutter then spit. As a man got closer he heard her say "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive" then spit "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive" then spit, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive" then spit.

He sits down next to her and asks "What's going on here? You keep saying, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive, then you spit".

“Well" says the gal "my boyfriend just got a brand new sports car, so he calls me and asks me if I want to go for a ride. So I say 'sure, why not?' He picks me up and w...

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench in Central Park. Suddenly, a man dressed in an overcoat appears from behind a tree. The man casually opens his coat and flashes the unsuspecting ladies.

Surprised, the first lady had a stroke. The second lady also had a stroke. The third lady, though, declined to touch it.

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A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax

After a while, a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together?"

"How dare you", retorted the woman, "I'm not some cheap pickup!"

"Well then", said the tramp, "get the fuck out of my bed".

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Post and Repost are sitting on a park bench. Post gets up and leaves. Who’s left?

99% of this fucking sub.

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few ...

Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench

One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.

Two nuns are sitting on a park bench

Sister Carol lights a cigarette and Sister Beatrice declares:
‘That’s a filthy habit’

Sister Carol replies: ‘blame Sister Mary, she washes the bloody things’.

What’s the difference between a musician and a park bench?

A park bench can support a family.

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A person sees an old man crying on a park bench...

Their heart breaks for the man and they walk up so see if he's ok.

"What's matter?"

"I have a beautiful wife," says the man.

"Um, ah ok, but"

"She's young and beautiful" the man repeats and continues sobbing.

"Ok, ok but why are you crying?"

"She cleans the ...

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Two old aged guys, one 70 and one 75, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 75-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 75-year-old said, "well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have g...

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An old woman is sitting on a park bench

Suddenly, the old woman sees a young man in tattered clothes jogging down the path, being flocked by pigeons. They're scratching and divebombing at him.


"FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF," he shouts.


He dives behind the woman's bench, achieving a moment's respite from the swarm.


"...

A young man passes an elderly man crying on a park bench.

The young man stops and asks if everything is okay. The old man looks up with his eyes filled with tears.



“Kid,” the old man says, “I’m ninety years old. Last week I married a woman half my age. She does everything for me—she cooks my meals, washes my clothes, shops for me, and will d...

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NSFW : Two old ladies are sat having a natter on a park bench

when all of a sudden a pervert comes round the corner, grins, opens his trench coat and flashes his massive boner at them. One of the ladies has a stroke, the other one quickly shouts ”me next”

Three elderly ladies sitting on a park bench

Three very old ladies were sitting on a park bench together on a lovely sunny day when a flasher stopped at the end of their bench, faced them and exposed himself!

Well the old lady closest to him took a look and immediately had a stroke! Then the lady in the middle of the bench also looked t...

Three Little old ladies are sitting on a park bench

1st lady: It’s windy
2nd lady: No, it’s Thursday
3rd lady: Me too, let’s have some gin

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A priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench and a little boy runs by.

The priest leans over and says “we should fuck him” and the Rabbi says “out of what?”

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A child is sitting on a park bench, stuffing his face with candy. A middle-aged man walks by, and says to the boy with disgust...

..."Boy, you'll rot your teeth and your mind eating sweets like that."



The boy replies "well, my grandfather lived to 109."


"By eating candy like that?" asks the man.


"No," says the boy. "By minding his own fucking business."

An Englishman is sat on a park bench in Dublin watching 2 council workers.

One of them digs a hole, then they both lean on their shovels and look at it for a minute or two. Then the second one fills the hole in and they move on a few meters and repeat the process.

After he's watched them do this 4-5 times the Englishman goes up and asked them what they're doing.
...

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Three Old Men are Sitting on a Park Bench

The first one starts talking about his problems regarding his health.

"Oh my god, I can't tell you how hard it is at my age. Every morning, I wake up at 7 o'clock, I go to the restroom and I try to urinate but no matter what I do, I can't go."

The second one then chimes in:

"You...

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Two old men meet every morning on a park bench after religious services.

One day one of the old men shows up with a black eye.

The other guy says “What happened”

He says “ I was at mass, and a beautiful young woman was in the pew in front of me. About halfway through, I noticed her short skirt had gotten wedged in between her ass cheeks. After a while, I c...

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A little boy and an old man are sitting on a park bench...

...The little boy unwraps a candy bar and eats it. Then he eats a second one. And a third, fourth and fifth.

The old man, watching this, says "You shouldn't be eating so many candy bars. You will ruin your teeth and get fat."

The little boy responded, "My Grandfather lived to be 10...

Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a flasher walks up and opens his coat

Two women had strokes but the other one’s arms weren’t long enough

A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.

The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"

"Not at all," the woman replied.

The man picked the dog up ...

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An 80 year old man is crying in a park bench...

A young man passing by decides to help:

"What's wrong?" said the young man.

"Well... it's just that I... I'm in love with a 22 year old." said the old man.

"I see, and she doesn't correspond?" said the young man.

"Actually we are married. The problem is that, everyday ...

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3 grumpy old men are sitting on a park bench... (NSFW)

3 grumpy old men are sitting on a park bench...

First old man says "Oy, I HATE gettin' old. It's getting to now where I can't take a good healthy piss anymore!"

Second old man nods: "You ain't lyin'. Getting old sucks. Just ONCE I wish I could take a big healthy shit like I used to whe...

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Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench smoking cigarettes when it starts to rain

One of the ladies reaches into her purse and pulls out a condom.

"Helen! What in the world is that for?!" says the other lady.

"Well, just watch this" Helen says before she cuts off the end and puts it over her cigarette. "This way they don't get soggy!"

The second old lady is p...

So 2 old guys are sitting on a park bench

The first guys turns to the other guy and says "hey I got a brand new hearing aid" the second guy replies saying "oh really? What kind is it?" the first guy says "oh it's about 3:30"

Three nuns are sitting on a park bench

One of the villagers, wearing a trench coat, comes up to them and starts talking to them about the local church fair coming up. Suddenly, without any warning, he opens his trench coat and flashes them!! Two of the nuns had a stroke.

The third couldn’t quite reach.

Two old men are sitting on a park bench.

The first man takes a look into his friend’s ear and says, “Do you know you’ve got a suppository stuck in your ear?”



“Really?” says the first man. “I had no idea. But I guess that explains where I put my hearing aid.”

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Three old guys are sitting on a park bench,

the first says 'I remember I used to be able to see all the pretty girls go by here. . . now . . . not so much.' The second old guy says 'Yah, it's the vision, it goes, it goes -- but me, I remember being able to smell their perfume as they passed' The first old guy says back 'Yah, it's the sense of...

Sat on a park bench wondering why a frisbee appears larger and larger the closer it gets..

Then it hit me

So, Jesus and Satan are sitting on a park bench one day

...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."

Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."

And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"

And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."

A guy is sitting on a park bench...

... when he notices something odd about two workmen by the side of the path. The first workman would dig a hole, then the second workman would fill the hole, and the pair would move along a few feet and repeat the process. He is intrigued and watches them a for few minutes, digging and filling hole...

Three senior citizens are sitting on a park bench complaining about their failing bodies.

“Every morning, I get up at 6 a.m.,” the first man explains, “and I try to pee, but nothing but a trickle comes out.” The second man adds, “I get up at 6 A.M. too, and it feels like I’ve got to move my bowels, but I sit down on the toilet and nothing happens.”



The third man chimes in ...

An old man is sitting on a park bench

Next to him is a large salt shaker and a bag filled with a bunch of bananas. Periodically the old man takes out a banana, carefully peals it, salts it with the shaker, grimaces, then throws it away in a nearby trashcan.

A woman observes him do this with several bananas and after a while final...

An elderly gentleman sits on a park bench.

On the opposite bench sits a young punk. With his multi\-colored mohawk and facial tattoos, he presents quite a spectacle for the older man, who can't help but to stare incredulously. Finally, the young punk has had enough of the elderly man's staring.

"What's your problem, old man?" yells t...

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This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless black man.

I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
"I was working on ...

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A young man is relaxing on a park bench on a fine Spring day.

An elderly gent comes shuffling by with a very serious expression on his face.

"Hey, old timer, something wrong?" asks the younger fellow.

"Shit my pants," answers the oldster.

"Then why don't you change them," suggests the youngster.

"Not done yet," was the reply.

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.

When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."

Two middle-aged men sit on a park bench

...and talk about what they think heaven will be like. As a baseball lover, one man says to the other, "I REALLY hope there's baseball to be played in heaven! That would make everything worth it."

The other man replies, "It sure would, i haven't been able to play baseball in years but would l...

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A little kid was on a park bench eating a 1 quart container of ice cream...

It had fudge, caramel syrup, sprinkles, and just about everything you could think of.

A man walks up to him and said, "That is so unhealthy! You'll become overweight, possibly get diabetes and so many more bad things."

The kid said, "My grandfather lived to be 102!"

The man rep...

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A sadist, a rapist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, and a masochist were all sitting together on a park bench...

...The sadist said "hey, I got an idea. Why don't we get a cat and torture it?" The rapist replied "yeah, we can torture it and have sex with it after!" The murder enthusiastically chimed in "and then we kill the thing!" and the necrophiliac added "yeah, and have sex with again after it's dead!" The...

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And old woman sits next to an old man on a park bench...

An old woman sat next to an old man on a park bench one evening. They sat there quietly, looking at the duck pond, not saying anything and just letting the day pass them by.

Suddenly, he broke the silence. "I used to sit here and hold my wife's hand every evening, and we'd watch the ducks. ...

Three nuns sitting on a park bench ...

... A flasher comes up and opens his trench-coat in front of them, exposing himself completely. The first nun is horrified, she has a stroke, right there on the spot. The second nun is shocked, *she* has a stroke.

The third nun was too offended to touch it.

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A Black, a Jew, a Mexican, and a Bigot are sitting on a park bench.

The black guy notices an old oil lamp under the bench and rubs the dirt and dust off of it when POOF! A genie comes out of it. The genie says "thank you so much, I have been in that lamp for 2000 years, I am so grateful that I will grant you each one wish." The black guy says "I wish that all black ...

Father Sullivan and Rabbi Cohen were sitting on a park bench discussing the differences and similarities of their respective religions.

After some time, a young boy rode by on a bicycle. Father Sullivan leaned over and whispered to Rabbi Cohen, “wow look that kid, I’d really like to screw him.”

To which Rabbi Cohen replied, “what do you mean ‘screw him’? Screw him out of WHAT?”

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An old man was crying on a park bench

An old man was sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. Another man approached and said "Hey old timer, whats up"?

The old man says through his tears "Oh it's awful! Last month I won £1,000,000 on the lottery and I met a beautiful girl who is a topless model and 50 years younger than me! ...

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Two old Jews, sitting on a park bench ...

The one old guys says, "Simon, you just won the lottery! What are you going to do with all that money?"

Simon replies, "Well, I was thinking of going back to the old country and putting up a big statue in the town square."

"That sounds nice. A statue of whom?"

"I'm going to put ...

A priest and a rabbi were sitting on a park bench

A young boy ran past them. The priest asks hey, hey, how'd you like to screw that one? The rabbi turns and says outta what?

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An old Jew is sitting on a park bench

reading Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His friend Harry walks by, stops, and says, "Irv, what are you doing reading that paper? You should be reading The Jewish Journal.'"

Irv says, "'The Jewish Journal' has stories about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel...all kinds trouble for Jewish people....

Three older women were sitting on a park bench.

One groaned. The one sitting next to her sighed.

The third one looked at both of them and said, "I thought we weren't going to talk about the children."

A blind man is sitting on a park bench.

A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote this?!!"

Two old men are sitting on a park bench

One of them says: "You know what? I bet I can guess how old you are."

"50 bucks says you can't!"

"Alright, all I have to do is inspect your balls."

As the one gentleman drops his pants, the other one starts fondling his balls. He cautiously cups them, lifts them, juggles them f...

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I stop and rest on a park bench....

After a while a blind old black man come and sits next to me with his guard dog, he keeps cursing and grunting so i ask him whats wrong "ahh my blasted wife has been cheating on me with my neighbour and shes taking half the house in the divorce, i didnt see it coming" he says, i chuckle a little at ...

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Two women are sitting on a park bench

Two women are sitting on a park bench. One says to the other, "Oh, no, tonight's date night".

Her friend says, "What's wrong with that? Date night sounds nice."

The lady replies, "No, it's awful. Every date night my husband brings me flowers."

Her friend is confused and asks, "W...

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Two old dudes are sitting on a park bench discussing their youth and how things have changed. One says to the other one, "these days there is premarital sex, extramarital sex, swinging... I never had premarital sex with my wife, did you?"

The other thinks for a moment and says "What was her maiden name again?"

A couple of hippies are sitting on a park bench...

...when a pair of nuns walks by, one of them on crutches and with most of her leg in a cast. The more outgoing of the two hippies asks, "Oh man! What happened? Are you okay?"

The hobbling nun responds, "Yes, my son. I slipped and fell in the bathtub and broke my tibia. The doctor says I'...

What do you call two crows on a park bench?

Attempted murder.

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Two old Jews were sitting on a park bench...

...one of them says, "Abie, I heard about the fire at your warehouse, I'm so sorry."

Abie says "Shhh...it's tomorrow."

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There were two old men sitting on a park bench

...passing the day away talking.

One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?"

The second old guy replied, "I think she may be dead!"

"What do you mean you THINK she is dead?" asked the first man.

"Well..." explained the second man, "the sex is the same but the dishes...

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