Why was the stroke patient whose left side was paralysed sent home?

His report said that he was all-right.

My friend was recently in an accident and his entire left body was paralysed.

I guess he’s all right now.

I have a friend who is paralysed, which is great for high pressure situations.

She doesn’t really feel nerves anymore.

Walk

I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, ...

Have you ever heard of the paralysed man who aspired to become a stand-up comedian?

He figured sitcoms suited him better.

Why does Hannibal take paralysed patients to the sauna?

He's just steaming vegetables!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is paralysed from the waist down

Insensitive cunt.

Stalin is giving a long speech at an event, naturally in front of a huge audience. While he's in full flow, somebody near the front of the hall sneezes.

Stalin stops and surveys the crowd.

"Who sneezed?" he asks.

Deathly silence.

"I repeat," says Stalin, "who sneezed?"

Not a peep.

"Very well," says Stalin. "First row, stand up!" Everyone in the first row stands up. "Guards! Open fire!"

A few seconds later, ...

Request Joke

I am paralysed and in a wheelchair. I can walk a bit. What are some good or dark jokes I can use?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blonde girl in a car crash.

Says to the paramedic, I think I have concussion! Paramedic asks,

"How many fingers have I got up?" Blonde replies,

"Oh god my Pussy's paralysed too!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Fingers ?

A blonde gets knocked off her bike and takes a nasty whack to the head.

A paramedic rushes over to check her for injuries. "How many fingers have I got up?"

She suddenly bursts into tears. "Fuck me, I'm a paralysed from the waist down, I can't feel any"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish Ghost story (long)

This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true!!!!!

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and n...

A man went to the wishing well.

He wished for a superpower, any superpower at all.

The next day, he accidentally rammed into the wall, biting on the paint. He then dissolved into a sentient puddle, able to cover the places he moved around in paint.

"Whoa!" he said, changing out of that form. He rushed over to bite a...

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