Tom: "When are you and your girlfriend getting married?"
Harry: "I would have a long time ago if it wasn't for her family!!"
Tom: "Her family?"
Harry: "Yes, her husband and three children."
A man in his backyard (Warning: May be offending)
After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer. As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"
To which Jesus replies,"You slave in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy things for ...
Bad news. I broke up with Lorraine. She found out I was seeing Clair Lee
The good news is I can see Clair Lee now Lorraine has gone.
EDIT : I've never heard this but I'm getting tanked for it by my friends
But I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright (bright) Bright (bright) suns...
The Barbies
Few days before Christmas the father of a lovely 9yo girls goes to best you shop in town. He walks the lanes untill he finds a nice girl and asks her for help.
Dad: good afternoon. Please, can you help me choosing a Barbie doll for my daughter?
Shop assistant (SA): Sure Sir! How much w...
What's the hardest Olympic sport to master?
Hurdling. There are a lot of obstacles on the way, and it's hard to get a leg up on the competition.
A submarine is following its course, when the alarm goes off...
Everyone starts panicking, except for James. He is known for being the funniest among the recruits and he always lights up the mood, even in critical situations.
"What is going on?" he asks.
"We are about to crash, you imbecile! Go help Smith, quick!"
"Wanna hear a funny j...
This joke may contain profanity. ๐ค
A seer was recruited to help a party of heroes break into a ruined dungeon
The other heroes knew that his knowledge of the arcane would help them to understand and predict the nefarious traps that were sure to beset them within the darkened tunnels.
The dungeon's architect had laid it out as a chess board, and the party moved one by one along the squares. Th...
This joke may contain profanity. ๐ค
Three men go to Hell [Long]
One random night 3 men went out drinking and having a good time. Drunk, swaying side to side, they decided it was a good idea to walk down the middle of a road. As they get further down the road a truck came through and didn't see them. All three men were hit and died instantly. These 3 men were al...
A man opens a business training seeing-eye-dogs with what he claims to be "the most scientific methods possible."
A curious reporter wants to see these methods in action, so he arranges to observe the final tests of some of these trained assistance dogs along with the business owner.
The first dog enters the testing course with his blind handler and performs spectacularly. First the dog guides his human ...
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