Natural Causes Jokes

The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you."

The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist's wife.
... read more

Judge: You pushed him off a building

Man: Gravity is natural

Police: There was clear evidence that you pushed him off the roof.

Suspect: Well, gravity is natural.

....he was "a-salted."

Rocks are natural, right?

Playmate Natural Causes could not be reached for comment.

I strangled her with kelp.

The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you h... read more

He dried of natural causes.

A man with a hunting dog lived next door to a woman with a rabbit hutch in her backyard.

One day, he came home to find his dog with the rabbit in its' mouth, dead. The man was horrified but knew his dog would be sent away if the neighbors thought it was a danger to other pets. So he took the... read more

"One day, this will all be yours" the father said.

Next day the father died of natural causes and the ownership of the farm was transfered to the son.
24 hours later the bank came and took over, due to the fathers very high debt.

"I guess my father wasn't lying when he said this wou... read more

He died of natural causes

until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

If a statue depicting a person on a horse with all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.


If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in a battle.


If a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in a ... read more

If a tree falls in the woods and kills someone, did they die of natural causes?

After all, isn't the leading reason for deaths "natural causes"?

They would argue day in and day out about theology. There seemed to be one Rabbi, however, that was always on the odd end of the argument. The other 3 Rabbis seemed to always team up on him.

He knew he was right so one day he called out to the heavens, "Oh God, I know that I am right and they... read more

Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

So a boy and his family are praying, and after they finished praying, it’s their tradition to say goodnight, and go to sleep.

So the boy says, goodnight mama, goodnight papa, goodnight grandpa, goodbye grandma.

At the time, they didn’t really think much of it, and the boy didn’t even ... read more

Every death is 'natural causes'. "He was stabbed 15 times in the neck so, naturally, he died."

Three men die of natural causes and are in line at the pearly gates, waiting to hear if they will be saved or damned. When the first man gets to the front of the line Saint Peter says to him "You have been single all your life, so you will go to hell because your life was like heaven". The second ma... read more

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all ... read more