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Bio Jokes

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I'm paid to travel

You should see my my dates' faces when I tell them I'm a bus driver!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Ex called me a sex machine

Well. her exact words were "fucking tool" but I knew what she meant.


Taken from Tinder bio post...

So I hear they are going to start using bio diesel made from herbs for trains.....

....maybe ours will now run on Thyme.

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A city guy needs a bio break while driving through the country. He stops at a gas station, and they only have an outhouse.

He goes back to the outhouse, and there are two holes, one of them in use. He goes up to use the other one.

After he's done, 75 cents falls out of his pocket while he's pulling up his trousers. He looks in the hole, finishes pulling up his trousers and pulls out his wallet. He pulls out two h...

Bio joke

What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot?

Mitosis.

How can you tell the difference between an influencer and a computer scientist?

By checking how they pronounce the word “bios”

I don’t trust people with a hammer and sickle in their bio.

Big red flag.

A lot of people thought bio-warfare was overpowered.

That's why it was banned from competitive use.

Perfect Bio for any Chirstian Dating Site

I love Jesus and long walks on the water.

Her tinder bio said she’s very creative and imaginative.

So I didn’t text. She can imagine our chats. And probably a better one.

I wonder how far our relationship has gone.

It's great to see so many girls on Tinder with no bio

I guess they're all against profiling

What did the bio student say to her boyfriend?

I want to give your saccharide.

Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is

The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"

The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent...

So... I matched with a Chinese girl on Tinder. Her bio said I like my men like I like my food.

My opening message was “I’m Batman!”

Tesla briefly investigated reusable bio engines made from plants. Wooden car body, wooden wheels and a wooden engine.

It wooden go.

Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract.

That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.

What do you call a vegan who’s into BDSM?

Biodegradable

What do you call a biologist that likes to be shamed & humliated in the bedroom?

Biodegradable

What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service?

Im a fungi

Mark is 5 feet, 6 inches tall

Mark likes dating taller women.

So, Mark was so excited to find a girl on a dating site who's bio said that she is 5 feet, 10 inches tall.

He was even more excited to see that her bio said that she likes dating shorter guys.

Mark chats with this girl for a while, and they eventu...

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My girlfriend recently told me that I am not perfect

And I said ,"Well I may not be perfect but atleast I am Bio-degradable, you plastic bitch"

I think the world’s greatest dad trophy my kids just got me is kinda silly.

I think I was the only one that knew it was a competition.

Their bio dad definitely didn’t.

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

What does a Instagram teenager do for his history report?

Lincoln bio

How did the doctor cure the woman with Tourette's?

Anti-bio-tics.

You hear about the kid that threw his biology test in the trash, yet still managed to pass?

Turns out, it was bio-D-gradable.

Two identical twins that were separated at birth were asked how they reunited

Well, one said, “we met online and immediately noticed many physical similarities”

The other chimed in “ we both mentioned in our bio how we never actually met our parents”

“It was quite a strange coincidence that we met, huh”

“Yeah, grinder is a wonder, isn’t it?”

Teacher: Nitrogen isn't a renewable resource.

Me: Can we fix that?

(Came up with this joke just a few hours earlier when my Bio teacher said this.)

A motherboard went on a date with a processor

- they didn't read each other's BIOS and found out out they weren't compatible so they just got drunk.

As the night progressed they tried to figure out a way to make it work. Finally the processor convinced the motherboard to come back to his place and see what would happen.

But then...

A man walks into his doctor’s office and says: “My nose just keeps on running,”

“But that’s not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.”

The doctor replies: “Well I’m sorry to tell you there’s nothing I can do. It doesn’t seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!”...

Every time my significant other asks me why people act weird when they hear we are high school sweethearts...

I tell her I have no idea. What... just because I'm her AP Bio teacher I'm supposed to know everything?

A man goes to the doctor for blood tests [long]

After extended testing and an agonizing wait, he finally gets a call from the doctor to immediately come into the office and to have as little contact with others as possible.
On arrival he is greeted by a nurse in full bio suit and whisked into a barren room.
The doctor comes in, also in fu...

Name the bird...

In a bio practical exam -

Examiner: Here are few pictures of bird legs. You got to identify the bird by just looking at the the legs. Here you go. Name the first bird in here.

Kid: I don't know.

Examiner: What!! you don't know ..what kind of an answer is that. I got to mark you ...

Three engineers are arguing about which engineering discipline god favors...

The first says "God is an electrical engineer - electricity is fundamental to all life. Electricity is the most transportable, universal energy... it's like the force. Clearly, god is an electrical engineer."

The second pipes up and says "Nah... god must be a chemical engineer, from the bio-...

Blonde Logic

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all wanna be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
...

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I failed a biology test today, they had asked me what was commonly found in cells

Apparently black people was not the answer.

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