How many motivational speakers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero, because the change starts with you.

What is the difference between standup comedy, and motivational speaking?

Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.

What do criminals and motivational posters have in common?

Life sentences.

Remember in elementary school how they had those motivational posters?

"You'll miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

Now look at us, school shootings every week.

Thanks alot Michael Jordan.

What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?

Word.

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A motivational speaker said that if you truly believe what you are doing is right, stand up for it even if the whole world is against you.

Hitler should not have been in the audience.

After being 3 months sober from drinking, I bought myself a motivational poster to keep my spirits up.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." -Wayne Gretzky

A motivational speaker gave blood, what was his blood type?

B-Positive

What did the motivational speaker ask the bottle of water?

Do you have what it takes to be a liter?

Why did the motivational speaker have a shirt made of stamps?

Because he is an outgoing male.

Hippo was a great motivational speaker. Hippo taught that you must never give up. Hippo didn’t follow his own advice.

Hippo Quit

I tried to shoplift from a motivational poster store...

...I tried to go big but they wouldn’t let me go home.

I can’t wait to get a girlfriend this year like that motivational quote on Facebook said

I just hope that this year my van will be able to outrun them this time!

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How many reddit users does it take to replace a lightbulb?

1 to make a post about it,
4 to mention that its the wrong forum,
1 to post it to the right forum,
7 to suggest op should post it to the electronics forum,
2 to post it to the electronics forum,
1 mod to delete the second post,

3 to suggest an image post would have gathered mor...

I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker. To get the crowd on their feet. To feel optimistic about the day ahead, or even the life ahead. To make them feel like all their dreams are within arms reach with just a little hard work and the willingness to be something more than just who you are

Im just too lazy to get up.

"Where there's a will, there's a way" is a great self motivational phrase

Until an inheritance is involved

What’s my blood doctors favourite motivational quote?

Be Positive.

What do you call a group of motivational speakers?

A fleece.

What did the motivational speaker dolphin believe?

That everybody in life has a porpoise

I was asked to give a motivational speech

But I just don't feel like it.

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A motivational speaker talks about getting what you want

A motivational speaker has a crowd all riled up. "If you want sweets,", he says, "buy a sweets shop. If you want to lose weight, just lose weight! Whatever you want, just take it!"

After wrapping up and getting ready to leave, he pauses at the parking lot. "Who took my *fucking* motorcycle...

My sister told me about a christian motivational group that came to her school. She said they were super strong but didn't lift weights.

So I figured they must do crossfit.

Motivational Story

One Day A Fisherman got up very early in the Morning.
There was not enough Sunlight to get into the Sea.
He saw a Pack of Stones...
To Pass Time he started throwing the Stone into the Sea.
While having the last stone in the Hand,
The Sun came up then he saw that the Stone was a Diamo...

People say I should be a motivational speaker,

But I don't have the motivation.

Motivational Seminar

At a motivational seminar, three men are asked to come up to the stage. They are all asked, "When you are in your coffin and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of...

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

Hameed the good lad

Once upon a time, a small boy named Hameed lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Hameed!!!" One day, his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told h...

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A middle-aged guy decides it’s time to get fit so he heads down to his local gym.

When he gets there he sees a poster promising “6 month super motivational packages, available in Silver, Gold and Platinum”.

Intrigued the guy asks for more information.
The guy from the gym says “OK” and calls for someone to come out from the back office. A beautiful fit woman comes out a...

A motivational speaker retired due to depression

He discovered he had B Negative blood

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My boss is a dick

My boss is a dick. He emails motivational quotes to the whole company every Monday morning.

This weeks was ‘Do one thing everyday that scares you.’

So I emailed back telling him to go fuck himself.

I blew a speaker in my car today..

It was a motivational speaker. It left a bad taste in my mouth, but I feel a lot better about myself.

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