UPJOKE
combinemixtureblendcombinationcombiningconcoctioncompoundminglecommingleadmixturemeldimmixconflatepremixamalgamate

Mixed Jokes

I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app

Either way, there’s a 10” vegetarian on the way and I’m not sure what to expect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One time I got "jacuzzi" and "Yakuza" mixed up...

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia

People that get entomology and etymology mixed up...

Bug me in ways I can’t put in words.

My girlfriend is always yelling at me because I get my directions mixed up.

So I packed my bags and right left away!

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

I got Grindr and Dominoes mixed up when I went to order

Regardless there is an 8 inch meat feast on the way and I’m scared.

What do you call an elephant mixed with a rhino?

Ell if I know

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple is watching Dr. Phil and he begins to talk about mixed emotions.

The man laughs and says "I can't have mixed emotions. Either I'm happy or sad. There is no middle ground. And I don't believe anyone can be."
After a lengthy debate, and the woman not making any head way with him, she sighs and says, "OK, I can prove it."
He laughs more and says "there is noth...

My university mixed up it’s Zoology and Neurology pamphlets

They tried to hire Pavlov’s dog but built a Hippo-campus

I'm a dyslexic Mixed Martial Arts fighter

AMA.

So I went to a mixed religion seminar...

The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

I was less amused...

Did you hear about the guy in 1981 that got LSD and LDS mixed up?

Instead of going on a trip, he went on a mission.

Why don't you heart, lungs and intestines get mixed up?

Because they are organised

A lot of people get numerators and denominators mixed up...

But there's a fine line between the two

I once mixed Red Bull and coffee

After 20 minutes on highway I noticed that I forgot my car at home

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My pharmacist mixed up my prescription for Ritalin with Viagra.

I tried to pay attention but it was really hard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My pharmacist mixed up my prescriptions

She crossed up my Viagra and FloMax bottles. Now I don't know weather I'm coming or going.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night I mixed up my sleeping tablets and viagra.

At least I got 40 wanks

What did Senor Leche Gato say when the barista asked for his name and whether he wanted anything mixed into his coffee?

“Soy Milk.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mixed Emotions

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I mixed up my Adderall and Viagra yesterday...

I ended up having a really hard day at work.

What do you call a horse mixed with a sheep?

Your new neigh-baaa

I got my medications mixed up.

I confused my anti-depressant medication with my erectile dysfunction medication. Life just keeps getting harder.

I accidentally mixed up a bottle of alcohol with a magic lamp

Now I'm sipping on jinn & juice.

A Golden Retriever mixed with a Poodle is called a Golden Doodle.

Aren’t you glad they didn’t call it a Poo Retriever?

I annoyed my friend so he mixed up my Tic Tacs.

That's one of his Tac Tics.

I knew a girl who mixed up KY Jelly and superglue

I asked her how it happened but her lips were sealed

What happened to the guy who mixed up his Epilepsy tablets with his laundry tablets?

His clothes don't fit anymore!

People said I was crazy for getting mixed vaccines

But I like to think of myself as a Modern-izer

Why do computer scientists get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

What's a mixed feeling?

When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who mixed up sandpaper and toilet paper?

His woodworking looked like shit.

Russian, Ukrainian and Ethiopian babies got mixed up at birth.

The doctors invited their fathers so they could try to figure out which baby belongs to whom. Ukrainian father without any hesitation just takes an Ethiopian child and is about to leave the room.

"You idiot! Can't you see, this is obviously not your child!" - shouts Russian father

"Wh...

In the early days of mixed play, an English couple, an Irish couple and a Scottish couple are at the links ready to tee off.

The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee first and as she bends over to place ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.


“Allo! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy a...

A mixed blessing...

Many professionals are getting hurt by this quarantine, but at least hookers aren’t getting screwed!

Years ago my Ex used to get Facebook & Myspace mixed up

She kept telling her friends to “Come onto MyFace, everyone is doing it”

Mixed up two shipments at work but nobody realised

I actually was pretty lucky that both were closed caskets.

I think Pfizer got their drugs mixed up...

I got the Covid vaccine, but now when I cough I get an erectipn.

Dad, what are mixed feelings?

Johnny asked his father. "Dad, what are ‘mixed feelings". Johnny's dad thinks for a while before replying " It is like when I lent your car to my mother-in-law, and she falls down a cliff.

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!

Doctor: I'd recommend taking h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese chemistry teacher say when he mixed sodium and nitrogen?

NaNi???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Birthday Mix-Up (Long)

A young man wished to purchase  a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note--romantic, but not too personal.

   

   Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger siste...

Mixed up nurse

A doctor walks into a ward in his hospital and sees one of his patients is half dead. He calls the nurse over and asks

"Nurse, did you give this man three spoonfuls of medicine every four hours, as prescribed?"

The nurse replies, "No, I gave him four spoonfuls of medicine every three h...

today i mixed holy water and prune juice to make a new drink

it gave me a religious movement

I mixed up Melatonin and Melanin

either way I'm still going dark

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a joke we tell in Ukraine

A russian, a Ukrainian and an African American guys are sitting in the waiting room while their wives give birth.


The nurse comes out with 3 babies and says "sorry guys, they've got mixed up..let's see whose is whose".
The Ukrainian takes a black kid and runs.
They yell "hold on dud...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got tetanus and tinnitus mixed up at my doctor's office the other day...

Now they say that hearing is a bit rusty.

What is the definition of mixed feelings?

When your mother-in-law is driving your new Tesla towards a cliff.

A girl I liked was giving me mixed signals

So I calculated Fourier transform.

What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede?

Bacon and scrambled legs.

Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Ethiopian all sit in the hospital lobby as their wives are giving birth.

After a while the doctor comes out, invites them into the nursery where 3 babies lie in cribs and says: "Congratulation! You all just became fathers! But there is one problem. Due to a nurse's error the babies got mixed up and we don't really know which one who's."

The Englishman suddenly gra...

What do you call a frog from mixed ethnicity?

A Tad-polish

(Don't know if repost not trying to be)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cocaine mixed with semen called?

A coconut

Why are mixed-race wizards ineffective?

They can only half-cast.

What is the best example of mixed feelings?

Your Mother in Law drives off a cliff.. In your new Ferrari

There's a new company that's planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with their food.

They claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is that the legal costs of this are through the roof, and even the best estimates are that they won't turn a profit until 2034. The steaks have never been higher.

This morning I mixed redbull with coffee to help me wake up.

I got about halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

I have mixed opinions on Asia as a whole.

For starters, while South Korea is absolutely lively, the rest of Asia is completely Seoulless!

My math teacher hates mixed fractions

I'm guessing that's why what she teaches is improper.

I come from a mixed race family

My mum prefers the 100 metres, my dad is all about the relay.

I mixed up the temperature units when doing my Physics test

As a result, I got an absolute zero.

I always have mixed feelings when I see Mad World memes

On one hand, I find it kinda funny...

I've heard mixed reviews about cannibalism...

It varies from person to person.

I'm having mixed feelings about being a Michael Jackson impersonator.

On one hand, you get to wear a cool white glove.

On the other hand, you don't.

Having excessive mixed drinks isn't the answer...

... but they are solutions.

I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...

...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". ...

What do you call a fruit mixed with a stone that *isn’t* a stone fruit?

...Pome*granite.*

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.