Mental Institution Jokes - 42 Hilarious Mental Institution Jokes

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In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room…

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just a...

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it agai...

Walking past a mental institution

I heard the residents chanting “twelve, twelve twelve”. As I kept walking I noticed a small hole in the tall wooden fence. Since the residents were still chanting “twelve, twelve, twelve” I decided to peek through the hole and see what was happening. As soon as I looked, a stick came through the hol...

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution....

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.

Darryl was called into the doctor s office first and asked if he understood...

Psychiatrists observe two patients at a mental institution...

Jack and Jill, the two patients, form an extremely strong bond. The relationship is helping both Jack and Jill cope with difficult social interactions. Jack and Jill make such progress, the doctors decide to observe them in various situations around the mental institution to see if they are ready ...

Two men break out of a mental institution.

Two men steal flashlights and break out of a mental institution. They find themselves on the roof of the building with orderlies closing in. The men look and see there is an adjacent roof they might be able to jump onto. The first man runs and leaps over the gap, landing on the roof of the next buil...

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Mental Institution

So this guy delivers packages to this mental institution but has never gone in. He was curious one day and decided to go in and he met with the main supervisor and he took him around. So they were walking down the halls and they saw a door that was open. Inside was a person who was playing imaginary...

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Working in a mental institution

There was a nurse in a mental institution. As he was doing his rounds, he saw a patient dribbling and imaginary basketball and then shooting it. The nurse said "What are you doing?" The man replied, "I get out in 2 months and I'm going to the NBA." The nurse laughed and moved on

The next room...

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his h...

The mental institution just got a new shrink...

...and on his first day he is shown around the hospital and introduced to the staff and patients.

As he comes to the activity room, there is a group of patients sitting in a circle facing one another. One of them says: "Number 31!" And the others start laughing. He notices that one of the pat...

A guy is waiting for the bus in front of a mental institution

There is a tall wooden fence surrounding it. The man starts hearing a group of people on the other side of the fence yelling "14, 14, 14!" So he walks over and finds a small hole. When he ducks down to peek through, all of a sudden he gets poked in the eye.

The people on the other si...

I got a flat tire outside of the Mental Institution.

I wrestled the tire off, but stripped out half of the nuts. "Great! What am I gonna do now?", I spit, angrily.

"Put one on every other lug, then drive cautiously to a place you can get some more." A patient was looking over the wall.

"How'd you know that?", I asked.

"I'm craz...

I only go after women who are locked-up in Mental Institutions.

I’m looking for a “committed” relationship.

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I was doing some landscaping at the Mental Institution.

A patient looked into my wheel barrow. "Whatcha gonna do with all that shit?", he asked.

"I'm puttin' it on the strawberries."

"That's funny. In here, we put whipped cream on ours."

A man was in a line of patients trying to get his release from a mental institution.

He watched as the others went in to meet with the doctor and heard the questions the doctor asked, which were:

"point to your right arm", "point to your stomach", point to your toes", point to your knee," and so on. He saw which answers were correct, and which answers were wrong.

...

Crazy person writes home from the mental institution

He writes: I have so much fun here, I have a lot of new friends, we have a lot of activities. We have a bigass pool in which we can jump all day long. And if we behave well, they put water inside at the end of the day.

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Just had some syrian ask me the way to the mental institution,

Fucking asylum seeker.

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There's a sadist, a zoophile, a murderer, a necrophiliac, an arsonist and a masochist all sitting around a table in a mental institution.

Suddenly the sadist says, let's torture a cat. Then the zoophile says yeah let's torture a cat and then have sex with it. Then the murderer says, let's torture a cat, have sex with it and then kill it. The necrophiliac follows up with, let's torture a cat, have sex with it, kill it and then have sex...

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A doctor in a mental institution is making his daily rounds. Long NSFW

In the first room he visits he finds a man pretending to bounce and shoot a ball. He asks the man what he is doing, he replies “when I get out of here I’m going to be a professional basketball player!” The doctor says “oh that’s great!” And proceeds to the next room.

In the next room he find...

I was walking by a mental institution on my way to work

And in the yard behind the fence, I heard people shouting "four, four, four...". I was curious so I peeked through the wood planks to see what was happening. Someone jabbed a stick in my eye and then everyone started shouting "five, five, five...".

What do you call walking trails behind mental institutions?

Psychopaths

Pete and Jenny were long time patients at the mental institution...

...and they had formed a relationship.
They were walking past the pond, Pete fell in and sank, Jenny, with no thought for her own safety, dived to the bottom of the pool and rescued him, she also gave him the kiss of life.
A few days later Jenny was summomed before the board of the hospital an...

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In a mental institution, everyday a woman goes around flashing everyone...

and every time she does it, she lifts up her gown and yells "SUPER PUSSY!", revealing her old, disgustingly hairy pussy. And every time she does it, everybody turns and watches her as she runs off, and goes about their business.

Day after day, she runs up to everybody yelling "SUPER PUSSY!", ...

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First day working at the nuthouse.

A guy starts his first day at his new job in the local mental institution. The boss tells him his first day all he has to do is check on 4 patients, and write down how they are doing. He walks to the first patient's room and opens the door. The patient is pretending to play football. He then asks th...

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What do we do with this baby?

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head...

Thats how they do it..

A man goes into a mental institution and talks to the doctor in charge.

He asks the doctor how a patient is actually admitted to the mental institution.

The doctor says, 'well, we send each patient into a room filled with a bathtub full of water. We then hand each patient a spoon, a la...

When I was at school...

When I was at school, the other pupils voted me: "Pupil most likely to end up in a mental institution."
They got that wrong!
Turns out I'm actually:
"Only pupil who didn't die in a mysterious unexplained accident."

Three idiots

Three idiots are in a mental institution. They're being evaluated by a doctor to see if they can go home.

He asks the first one: "What is 20 times 4". "70000" says the first one.

So he asks the second idiot: "What is 20 times 4". "Tuesday!" says the second idiot.

He asks the th...

Why you should mind your own business...

A man was strolling down the street and he was walking past a mental institution. There was a wooden fence separating the sidewalk and the mental institution. As he was walking he heard a group of patients chanting "13, 13, 13!" and because he was curious he peered through a hole in the fence to see...

A man is driving down the road at midnight and his car breaks down near a mental hospital.

He didn’t know what to do because he knew nothing about fixing cars. A mental patient who was watering some flowers saw the scene and walks towards the man. The man seeing the mental patient coming his way, gets scared and stays quiet in the car. The madman tells the man..-“Good night my friend. Do...

Confusing

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply.

"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who t...

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A restaurant owner tells his bartender: ok, today we're gonna serve a special cocktail.

You have to take 10 grams of vodka, dilute it in 100 liters of water and that's basically it.

Bartender: What is this, some mental institution inmates celebrate an anniversary of their institutionalization?

The restaurant owner: No, just a bunch of homeopaths having a corporate party.

How I learned to mind my own business???

One day I was walking near a mental institution. Everyone in the courtyard was yelling: “13 13 13 !!!”
The fence was to high to see anything, but I found a hole so I got close to peak through it.. A crazy guy poked me in the eye and everyone started yelling: “ 14 14 14!!!”

A man moved in to a new apartment,

He was excited because he now lived very close to his job and would no longer have to endure the horrendous traffic to and from work. While plotting his walk in the morning he noted that his path took him by a mental institution. Thoroughly enjoying his morning stroll , he heard some voices drifting...

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A man lost two buttons from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket.

But the pocket had a hole, so the buttons fell into his shoe. Unfortunately, the shoe sole also had a hole, so he lost the buttons. Since pockets with holes, holes without buttons, and shoe soles with holes are useless, the man ripped the buttonholes out of his shirt and the pocket from his pants an...

A man decides to take a shortcut on his walk home from work

A man decides to take a shortcut on his walk home from work, passing by a street in front of a mental institution. On his way to work the next morning he decides to take the same route and walking by the psychiatric center he starts to hear someone at the other side of the 10 feet tall wall shoutin...

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A graduate student in psychology

A psychology graduate student working at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate the mental condition of three patients in a local mental institution and assess their possibilities for reintegration into society.

The facility was well funded and nicer than the student ex...

A man goes for a walk...

and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and pe...

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Dr. Feelgood

Doctor Feelgood is visiting the mental institution to see the latest condition of some of his patients. He is led into the first room, opens the door, and meets Charlie. At that moment he is swinging an imaginary golf club in the air.

"Well, Charlie," says Feelgood. "When do you think you wil...

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Bob & Charlie

Bob and Charlie are the only patients in ward D of a mental institution. Bob is hyperactive and delusional while Charlie is catatonic. Their nurse checks in on them three times a day.

At the beginning of her shift the nurse starts walking over to Bob's room and hears him making loud truck sou...

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A great Vacation

One day, at little Hill mental institution in NY, nurse Nancy was making her rounds and checking on the patients. She comes to Bob's room and takes a peek inside to make sure everything is alright. Bob is folding all of his clothes and everything in his room is laid out neatly on the bed. Being unus...

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Shooting the moon

David, a young Silicon valley nerd billionaire suddenly become reclusive and started building a big cannon in his backyard. When asked what the cannon is for, he said he is going to shoot the moon resulting in his parents locking him up in a mental institution. and after 1 year, the shrink interview...

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