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Melania Jokes

Why was Melania so excited when Donald Trump became president

Because she can call herself the first lady instead of the third wife

When Trump visited the White House before his presidency...

He asked then president Obama how he managed to run two successful terms.

"Simple", Obama replied, "Just get an intelligent wife"

"How do I know my wife is intelligent?" Trump asked.

"Just ask her intelligent questions and if she answers correctly, then you know she is intellige...

What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer?

Thanks, Obama.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Melania call it when Donald takes Viagra?

A rigged erection.

How are Kobe Bryant and Melania Trump similar?

They both made fortunes just by playing with orange balls.

Melania Trump goes to see a wizard...

and asks him to lift a curse that a priest put on her many years ago. The wizard says he can help her, but he needs to know the exact words of the curse.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," she says.

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Why does Melania need to be on top when she and Trump have sex?

Because Trump can only fuck up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Melania get on top?

Because Donald is only capable of fucking up.

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Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife.

Donald's hair gets fi...

Donald and Melania Trump are actually a very sweet couple.

He's her sugar daddy, and she's his arm candy.

What's the similarity between America and Melania Trump?

They're both getting screwed by Donald Trump and neither one of them is happy about it.

I came up with this last night, but it might be a repost.

Melania Trump's Speech

Sorry guys this one's a repost

Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?

She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Melania Trump greeted the White House Christmas Tree.

First natural wood she's seen in years.

So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald wa...

All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with

But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

“Wow, that’s impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.”

"Oh, I know"...

Why did Melania Trump leave Donald?

Because he couldn’t get an insurrection

Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter

Donald Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees “Donald Trump Sucks” written in urine across the snow.

Well, he's is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff’s HQ, and yells “Somebody wrote an insult i...

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How many times did Trump and Melania have sex on Air Force One?

Never. He was too busy fucking America.

Why was Melania so confident that Donald would win?

Because he always comes first.

After the debate Melania went up to Trump and said

We can still win this, we just have to be positive and patient.

Melania is very disappointed of Donald in couples therapy

All he does is build walls.

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Melania is talking to Janet Yellen at a party...

They talk about the the improving economy, the Fed, whether quantitative easing really was a good idea, about how Janet will be retiring soon. They have a few drinks and Melania becomes less guarded. Janet asks Melania about the hand slap incident on the tarmac.

Melania: Donald can be such a ...

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Why don't people give Melania Trump a break...

Life is hard enough growing up as a black woman in the USA.

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What does Melania Trump do after she shaves her pussy?

She powders his cheeks and sends him off to play golf!

What's the difference between Melania Trump and America?

Donald is screwing America.

Why did Melania blow Donald Trump?

She thought if she kissed a toad he'd finally become a prince.

Melania Trumps RNC speech just leaked on live TV

It was read aloud by Michelle Obama.

What's the difference between a gemologist and Melania Trump?

A gemologist knows what hard feels like.

The President of the United States Donald Trump and First Lady Melania have tested positive for the coronavirus

This is also probably the first and only time ever that Melania has been or will ever be positive around Trump

A guy walks up to the Trump residence and presses the interphone...

Melania answers...

He says:”Can I talk to the president?”

Melania:”Sorry, but mr. Trump isn’t the president anymore...”

He waits for a few minutes and rings again: “ Can I talk to the president?”

Melania:”Sorry, but mr. Trump isn’t the president anymore...”

He doe...

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In a recent interview, Melania Trump was asked if she bleaches her asshole

Her response: "No, he gets spray-tanned."

Donald Trump is attending a baseball game with Melania.

The game is about to start, and the speaker makes an announcement. Suddenly Donald grabs Melania and throws her off the balcony.

After a few seconds of silence, the speaker comes on again:

"No, Mr President, I said throw the first PITCH"

Obvious media bias

Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

What's the difference between Melania Trump and the FBI?

The FBI is still coming for President Trump.

(Fixed the typo...)

If Melania divorces Donald Trump

Then an immigrant will get half of the US in the divorce settlement :)

Trump and Melania are in bed...

Melania says she wants to get a few new things for their house. Trump replies about what he'd like in return.. Melania replies "Donald, our shower is already golden"

Melania Trump immigrated to America in 1996

And after her speech I now see why Donald says that "all immigrants are thieves"

What did Melania Trump have on her Black Friday shopping list?

A copy of everything Michelle Obama had on her list

Did you hear that Donald sent Melania to find out about the Mueller probe?

She came back and told him it's at least eight inches.

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Allison was bragging to her boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of her, boasting, her boss called her bluff, "OK, Allison, how about Reese Witherspoon?"

"No dramas boss, Reese and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Allison and her boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Reese Witherspoon's door, and Reese Witherspoo shouts,

"Allison! W...

What does Melania Trump and a paleontologist have in common?

Both are experts in dating fossils.

"Do you love me, Donald?" asked Melania.

"Covfefe."

What did Donald Trump say to his wife Melania in the voting booth?

Don't copy Michelle on this one.

To all the haters out there, I think Melania Trump's speech hit all the right keys.

Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V

Why can’t Melania Trump feel her ass?

He’s away campaigning.

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Bill, Hillary, Donald and Melania were sitting together in the train

... when the train went through a tunnel and the compartment reverberated with the noise of a tight SLAP! When the train came out the Donald had a swelling red hand print on his face. Bill thought, "Stupid buffon must have grabbed Hillary's pussy". Donald thought, "Bill must have grabbed Melania's...

Why does Melania Trump love the Christmas season?

Because there’s no orange in cider.

I finally figured out why Donald Trump married Melania...

...she came from ***YUUUUUUUUUUUUG***oslavia.

~~(thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week)~~

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard that Trump and Melania haven't been doing it lately?

He's too tired from fucking the environment

Former First Lady

Former First Lady Melania wanted to know what is in store for her future and went to fortune teller who told her, "Prepare to become a widow. Your husband will meet a untimely demise"

Melania thought for a few moments, took a big breath and asked the fortune teller "Will Biden pardon me?"

immigrants are often doing work, which no one else wants to do

for example Melania Trump

Melania Trump's Speech:

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run...

Why can't Donald Trump and Melania have a romantic getaway in Mexico?

He always wants to take the kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Laura Bush wear shoes as first lady but Melania wears boots?

During the Bush administration the bullshit only came up to your ankles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Redditor, Marilyn Monroe, Melania Trump, and Lee Harvey Oswald?

One's a jerk who jacks off, one jerked off Jack, one jacks off a jerk, and one's a jerk who offed Jack .

What did Melania Trump say after being stopped by an officer?

License and registration, please.

Trump: “THE BIG ONE is coming!” The court: “Denied.”

Melania: “Same lie every night”

Imagine watching the election to know if you have job tomorrow or not

That’s how it feels like to be Melania’s divorce Attorney

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Donald Trump was using the restroom...

...when Vladmir Putin walked in and began using the urinal beside him. Naturally, Trump glanced over and saw that Putin had by far the biggest cock he had ever seen. So he asked him what he did to make it grow so huge and Vlad told him that every night before he goes to bed, he pulls it out and sl...

BAD NEWS

President Trump awakens one Winter morning to discover someone has peed “Impeach Trump” in the snow. He calls the Secret Service to investigate.

When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I go down. I've gone down 2 or 3 times, all for inspection."

Well no fucking wonder why Melania never looks particularly happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

President Trump is at Camp David with his cabinet one winter morning...

...when he opens his window for a breath of fresh air and sees 'Trump is an asshole' written in yellow in a snowbank. He really gets upset and calls the Secret Service. He tells them to find out what unpatroitic dirtball did this. Two days the Secret Service reports back. "First, the message was...

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

-Wayne Gretzky

-Michael Scott

-Melania Trump

It's Trump's wedding anniversary in a few days and in a rare tender moment, he described the first time he ever laid eyes on Melania...

..and clicked 'add to cart'

Forget Washington, Lincoln, JFK. Trump Is Simply Going To Be The Best President

To Have Come in A Melania.

Donald Trump is out one winter day...

walking around and enjoying the snow when he sees that someone had peed 'Donald sucks' in the snow. Furious, he called his Secret Service agents and yells "I want to know who did this!!".

A few days later his lead agent comes back and says "We solved it sir, but there's bad news and worse new...

The Trump Family is flying from New York to DC

Donald-"I think I'll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy"
Melania- "Why don't you throw ten $100 bills and make ten Americans happy?
Ivanka- "It will be even better if you throw one hundred $10 dollar bills and make one hundred people happy?
The pilot hears the co...

As Trump flies in his helicopter over DC

As Trump flies in his helicopter over DC, he says to Melania:

Look, there are a million Trump fans gathered in the streets to wave to me.

She says: No, Donald. There are five million. But they are only waving with one finger each.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump's Halloween costume

Donald and his Melania are getting ready to go to a Halloween party. He says to her:" why dont you go upstairs and change into your costume." She goes upstairs and he hears some rustling around. 5 minutes later she appears and walks down the stairs. She is completely naked except for a a pair of th...

In the Oval Office

Donald Trump and Rudy Guiliani are in the Oval Office and are arguing about the weather. Trump says it's snowing, while Guiliani says it's drizzling. Melania enters the room, and sees the argument in full display. Finallly she interjects by saying, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear," and leaves the ...

Jokes

Im new to reddit. Sorry if repost

After DC's first snow, Trump sees yellow writing in the rose garden saying "trumpy sucks". Outraged he calls for a full investigation. Within 24 hours, the head of the FBI reports, "We have good news and bad. DNA proves the urine belongs to Mike Pence. U...

Trump dies and goes to hell.

When he arrives, he is greeted by the devil.

The devil says that there are 3 other people here that have done less bad than Trump, so Trump gets to decide which one goes to heaven so he can take their place.

The devil opens 3 doors, the first door has Richard Nixon in it. Nixon is swim...

Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks."

Infuriated, Trump called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.

"The bad news is that the urine is from Putin."

"Vlad? How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One snowy day in Washington, Trump screams for the Secret Service agents on duty.

The agents rush in.

Trump says, "I looked out the window and saw that someone wrote 'Fuck Trump' with their piss in the snow. Get the crime lab down here immediately and test the urine. I want to know who did it!"

Next day, the lab report comes in" "Urine is Mitch McConnell's. Handwrit...

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