New Pope

There were two Roman Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully, they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their senior year in High School.
...

Did you hear about Antonio Brown's wedding?

He got cold feet.

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I knew Antonio Brown was a rapist before the accusation

He fucked over two nfl teams i the last 2 years.

Why can't Antonio Brown get married?

Because he has cold feet!!!

Please enjoy my best ever Star Wars themed joke...

Irving was proud of his daughter Faith. She was the prettiest, smartest, most charming girl in all the Empire. And when Faith was asked to attend the Winter Gala by Conan Antonio, Irving was justifiably pleased, for Conan was a well-decorated and many-times-promoted military man of great respect....

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A Day at the University

I posted a joke that gained some popularity before getting deleted for breaking the rules of the community. As there are people who ask me what the joke was, I'll try to reformulate it so that it complies with the rules.

Carrynegie Melon University, Penisylvania. Prof. Mary Armstrong gives a ...

Hey United, my ex is flying flight 2145 from Atlanta to San Antonio, seat 12-D...

Do your thing!!!

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One of my dads favorite jokes....

A young man from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in San Antonio."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him th...

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Many years ago, I was passing a church in San Antonio, Texas.

There in the courtyard was a large statue of Jesus, and praying to the statue was a wealthy Texas rancher. These are the words I heard him say,

"Jesus! Please help me! My Cadillacs are all in the shop. My oil wells have run dry. My cattle got the blight. My Internal Revenue Service is after m...

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An Italian Farmer was working the fields with his three sons and notices that two of them were out of breath because they were over weight.

He called over to his three sons and spoke to each of them.

Papa: "Luigi, why are you such a fat fuck?"
Luigi: "Papa, I love eating my wife's lasagna. It's so good!!!"
Papa: "Son, you need to take smaller bites."

Papa: "Mario, why are you such a fat fuck?"
Mario: "Papa, I lo...

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

A young Italian couple were just married...

The year was 1901 and a young couple was just married in a small town in Italy. They were staying at the brides parents house, as it was customary for the first few days while their living situation was sorted out. The mother was making a delicious red sauce when the bride decided she would join h...

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An old classic...

One day a man walks up to a group of people chatting on the town's square, and says:

"Do you see that bridge over there? I built that, but when I walk by do people say 'look, there goes Antonio, the man who built the bridge'?"

"No they don't" he says.

Then he says:

"Do yo...

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Italian Couple

so an Italian couple walks into their hotel room for their honeymoon. they are getting ready to go to a restaurant. the husband, named Antonio, is already done so he tells his new wife that he is going down to the bar to wait for her. when the wife is ready, she goes down to the bar to find that Ant...

The Spoon

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Antonio's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. ...

Ooh! Ooh! I have a current events joke!

Go easy on me im drunk.

When I heard that the A/C had gone out at the AT&T Center in San Antonio tonight for the NBA finals, I thought to myself... I guess this favors the Heat.

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The Italian Family Dinner

A joke from my rugby coach -- better told in person with the clapping, but try to imagine :)



Sitting at dinner, an Italian father looks at his three grown sons.

He asks the oldest, Mario, "Mario, why are you-a so fat?"

Mario responds, "Papa, Mama's spaghetti is just-a s...

It sure is hot down here!

The Johnsons from Canada decide to head to Florida, staying at the same hotel they honeymooned at for their 20th anniversary. However, due to their last minute decision, both have too take separate flights. When the husband arrives, he immediately emails his wife (Joanne) but in his haste he mistype...

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Giovanni was just trying to lie on the beach

Giovanni was sitting at the cafe when Antonio walked up to his table and sat down in a huff. Giovanni was surprised. "Antonio, where you been? I've been worried seeck about you!"

Antonio sighed. "My friend, I have been een jail."

Giovanni was shocked. "JAIL! Why did they put you een ja...

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TEXAS SURVIVOR

Texas is trying to capitalize on the popularity of the show "Survivor" by hosting its own version.

Contestants will have to drive from Amarillo and visit checkpoints in the following cities, Lubbock - Dallas - Waco - Austin - Houston - Laredo - San Antonio - El Paso and finish back in Amari...

Bubba n' Buford II

One day Bubba n' Buford were drivin' down the Farm to Market road in their pickup drinkin' Lone Star longnecks n' chillin' out to Bob Wills "San Antonio Rose" n' low n' behold, they come over a hilltop and there's a DPS roadblock a stoppin' folks. Thinkin' quick, Bubba pulls over to the side a the...

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