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Marooned Jokes

A man was marooned on a desert island.

One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit.
'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it.
She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch a...

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3 Men end up marooned on an island

On the island they find a tribe of cannibals. They say they will let the men live if they complete a task. What they must do is go out into the forest and collect 10 of a type of fruit. The first man comes back with 10 apples. They tell the man he must shove all 10 apples up his butt without making ...

A ship carrying blue paint collided with a ship carrying red paint

50 sailors were marooned

I was stranded on an island with nothing but dark red grass, dark red sand, dark red trees everything was darkred.

"AHHH!" i yelled "I've been marooned!"

A man becomes marooned on a deserted island...

He's learned how to survive and manages to keep up the routine for 10 years. One day while sitting on the beach a gorgeous woman walks out of the waves in full scuba gear. He runs up to her ecstatic to see another human face. He is still in disbelief when he says, "Are... are you real?" She nods...

Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island.

After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she’s doing, that she kills herself.

After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they’re doing, that they bury her.

After another week, they’re so ashamed of what they’re doing, that they dig her up again.

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Three men are marooned on an island...

Three men are marooned on an island desperately seeking a way to get off.
A cannibal approaches them and flops his penis out. 'If the length of your three penises together is as big as mine, then I'll show you how to get off the island. Otherwise you'll be killed and eaten.' The native's nob was...

A man's ship sinks and he finds himself marooned on a deserted island. After a 2 months, a beautiful woman in a wetsuit swims ashore.

"I bet it's been a while since you had a beer." she says. "Oh, boy has it ever!" the man replies and she proceeds to pull an ice cold beer out of a pocket of the wet suit and hands it to him.

"I bet it's been a while since you had a cigar." she says. "My, it has been so long!" and she proce...

I once spent ten years marooned on a tropical shore...

I lived on nothing but coconuts and seafood. I fashioned sandals out of leaves, a hut out of grass and sticks, and I kept myself healthy with wild plants. One day I was scouring the beach for copper wire to build the radio I was working on, and I came across a small white spheroid about 2" in diamet...

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Two guys and a girl were marooned on an island

They had everything but they needed sex, so they took turns with the girl every week.
One day, the girl died.
In the first week, the guys were fine.
In the second week, they were not fine and decided to consider alternatives.
In the third week, they threw the body away.

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, ‘Let’s smash it open with a rock.’ The physicist says, ‘Let’s heat it up and blow it open.’ The economist says, ‘No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let’s just assume we have a can opener.’

A tanker ship carrying dark purple ink ran around on a deserted island, spilling its contents.

Sadly, the entire crew was marooned.

A joke my brother made up when he was 13...

Two men were marooned on an island with no food.

After a week, they are both starving. To solve the issue of hunger, one of the men suggests that they cut off each other's legs and eat them to survive.
The other man agrees.

The first man, after a bloody and gruesome struggle, saws...

Did you hear about the ship that crashed on an island with a cargo of red and brown paint?

Apparently the whole crew was marooned.

A marooned Baptist is rescued by a ship.

A Baptist has been stranded on a deserted island for two years. Upon being rescued, a sailor asks: "You survived. Remarkable. How did you do it?"

The Protestant says, "By the grace of God. Come, let me show you where I lived." So the sailors and the castaway retreat into the jungle. ...

A shipwrecked mariner has spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: “The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still...

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

A purple man has a purple wife.

They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperat...

Did you hear about the Red and Blue war?

I heard the soldiers were marooned!

What do you call 5 artists stuck on an island?

Marooned 5

There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea.

One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.

They collide...

All the survivors were marooned.

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotchman are marooned on an island

John, Mick, and McTavish have been stuck on the island for a very long time, and all have grown long beards.

One day while exploring, John discovered an old type of lamp, like an oil lamp.

Mick saw it and said "It could be an ol' genie! rub it a few times"

John rubs the lamp thr...

BREAKING NEWS!

Two tanker ships collided and sank in the southern Pacific Ocean yesterday. One was filled with red paint and the other, smaller tanker, was filled with blue paint. All crew members survived but now are marooned on an uninhabited island.

(Thanks to The Two Ronnies for this oldie)

A red ship and a blue ship...

A Red ship and a Blue ship were sailing towards each other at full speed in the middle of the ocean and collided resulting in a horrible mess. What happened to the sailors?

...they were Marooned.

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Unhappy man with his little dude

A old man walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink. He quietly orders a beer when suddenly this tiny dude pops out of his shirt pocket. The bartender is amazed, “I’ve never such a tiny dude before.!” The old man quietly grumbles as he pulls out a tiny piano and places it on the bar. Immediatel...

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Cannibals [NSFW]

Three shipmates are marooned on an island in the middle of the ocean. They explore the island, only to find that it is inhabited by a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals capture the three men and bring them before the chief. The men plead for their freedom, and the chief, seeing that they are desperat...

Boonta

Three men are marooned on island in the middle of the sea. They soon realize that the island is the home of the Wanooka tribe, known for being ruthless and murderous. They are captured and brought to the main village. The Wanooka chief goes of to the first man and asks him a question. "Death or Boon...

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In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day

Here's my favorite pirate joke:

When I was 17, I went on a class trip to a beach but I snuck away to explore on my own. I went into this bar. It had nautical stuff on the wall, a bunch of shark jaws, but also streamers and balloons about the place. It looked like there was a party going on. ...

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