Mama Bear Jokes - 11 Hilarious Mama Bear Jokes

Papa Bear and Mama Bear are getting a divorce

You know Goldilocks and the 3 bears? Well mama bear and papa bear are getting a divorce. In court they bring in baby bear. The judge puts baby bear on the stand and asks him who he'd like to live with?

"Well not papa bear he beats me," says baby bear.

"So mama bear?" asks the Judge....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mama Bear Papa Bear and Baby Bear...

Are sitting at the table for breakfast. The Papa Bear says "my porridge is too hot!" And the Mama Bear says "my porridge is too cold!". The baby bear says " , can't you guys ever be happy about anything?"

... As told by an 84 year old Italian man who was a patient of mine at...

Polar bear asks mama bear

Son: Mom are you a polar bear?

Mother: Yes son im a polar bear.

Son: Mom is my father a polar bear?

Mother: You father is a polar bear too.

Son: Hmmm, Is my grandfather a polar bear?

Mother (answers nervously): Yes son your grandfather is a polar bear and whole f...

What does a mama bear on birth control have in common with the world series?

No cubs

After the whole Goldilocks affair, the Bears were getting divorced. (long)

After the whole Goldilocks affair, the Bears were getting divorced.

Mama Bear didn't buy the whole "this bed's too hard, this bed's too soft, this bed's just right..." BS!

The judge was deciding on the custody arrangements for Baby Bear.

The judge asked Baby Bear, "Baby Bear do ...

Momma Bear and Papa Bear are getting a divorce,

Momma Bear and Papa Bear are getting a divorce, and they're fighting over custody of Baby Bear.

The judge interviews him to help decide who gets custody. "OK Baby Bear, since your parents are going to live in two places, we have to figure out where you live. Do you want to live with Papa Bear...

A family of bears decide to take a vacation

Papa bear takes the wheel of the car while mama bear sits besides him. Young bear sits at the back.

On their way to their destination, the car swerves off the road and lands on a lake. All three came out safe but only papa bear came out dry.

Why?

He was the driver.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Goldilocks and the three cars.

Goldilocks had grown into a fine young lady now, and so she decided to revisit the three bears, just to see how they were all doing.

As she wandered down the path, she ended up at their house, signed "The Three Bears".
She didn't see any sign of them around.

Typical.

Yet, so...

Once upon a time, there was a family of bears.

One day, Mama Bear and Papa Bear decide to get a divorce, and they get a court date for custody of Baby Bear.

The judge asks Baby Bear, "Do you want to live with your mother?" to which Baby Bear replies, "No! She beats me!"

The judge then asks, "So, you want to live with your dad?" to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Baby Bear says “Somebody’s been eating my porridge!”

Then Papa Bear says “Somebody’s been eating my porridge too!”

Mama Bear yells out “Would you two assholes shut up? I haven’t even made the porridge!”

There's 3 bears..

Mama bear, papa bear and baby bear. The parents get divorced and have to go to court to decide custody of the baby bear. The judge decides to let the baby decide: "do you want to go with your momma baby?" Baby replies : " no because she beats me!" Judge: " How about with your papa?" Baby:" No he be...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.