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Make Money Jokes

My friend started selling his own body parts to make money

First it was just one of his fingers to pay some bills off. When he realised how much he could make he sold even more body parts. Sitting in his mansion, rich enough to afford not to work, he asked me what I thought about him selling even more body parts.

I told him, I think you should quit w...

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual...

An easy way to make money is to take photos of salmon dressed in formal human clothes.

It’s like… shooting fish in apparel.

How do cult leaders make money?

Compound interest.

My neighbour just finished writing a book on "How to make money."

Now he needs money to publish it.
I told him to read the book

If you make money selling Indian bread...

You run a Naan Profit Organization.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do horny skeletons do to make money?

Start a bonely fans

How do exotic dancers make money?

They go twerk.

After Finding Nemo, how did Dory make money?

She started an OnlyFins.

Did Any gamblers make money predicting the name of Harry and Meghan's daughter?

I wish I had a Lilibet.

How does God make money off his followers?

By making a prophet.

How do Rabbis make money?

They keep the tips.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]I Was Surprised When My deadbeat roommate actually had rent money on time

"Yeah, man, I got a job."

"Doing what?," I asked.

"I hang out in the alley and give blow jobs."

"Sounds like a hard way to make money."

"Nah, man, my very first night I made $300.05"

I scoffed, "Who paid you a nickel?"

He said, "They all did."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If dentists only make money off of us if we have bad teeth

The why the fuck am I using a toothpaste 4 out of 5 of them are recommending!

How Do Miners Make Money?

By stripping or working the shaft.

How does the Hulk make money?

He flips houses.

Why do the Pope’s underclothes make money?

Because they’re in vestments

Instructions how to make money with your Facebook account:

1. Open settings

2. Delete your account

3. Start working

How will the Duggar's stay on TV and make money?

By moving the show to a "true crime" channel and calling it "18 Victims and Counting".

How does Twitch (Streaming Site) Chat make money?

Kappatalism!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says:

“The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living...

You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

Here at Smith Blarney cremation service we make money the old-fashioned way

We urn it.

Warren Buffett once said “If you don't find a way to make money while you sleep, you will work until you die.”

and that's why I got into prostitution

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