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Disgruntled Jokes

What did the disgruntled birdwatcher say to the employee of the bird sanctuary?

I’d like to speak to your Tanager.

A disgruntled cow complains about the way it's treated

The Cow grumbles under its breath "This lousy cowboy does nothing but push me around all day"
Cowboy: "What's that you said?"
Cow: "You herd me!"

When asked if they were emotionally disgruntled by Trump's wall, Mexicans responded..

'Meh, we'll get over it.

I met a disgruntled farmer in the pub today

“You look disgruntled,” I said. “What’s the story?”

“I ordered a couple of tons of manure,” he replied gloomily. “It arrived today.”

“Is that bad?”

“Well, you see, it was fake.”

“Fake?”

“Yes, fake manure.”

“I didn’t even know that was a thing.”

“Well,...

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Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

The Deep Sea Marine company was sued by a disgruntled customer.

The Deep Sea Marine claimed to be the best at making flawless, impenetrable submarines. Of their five years of service, they were sued only once for a faulty submarine.

"I demand a refund, and more! I almost died!" shouted the customer.

The company was confused entirely, until the law...

What does a disgruntled Mcdonalds employee and side order of fries got in common?

They both came in the meal deal.

A Muslim, a Hindu and a lawyer are travelling through the desert…

They’ve tried to make good time in their travels, but find that night will fall before they can make it to the next town. Luckily they find a farm nearby, and they ask the farmer if they can stay for the night. When he agrees, not wanting to impose too much, they set their sleeping rolls in his barn...

[OC] What did the disgruntled barber give to the prince?

A bad heir day.

Dave, a disgruntled parent was talking to Adrian Peterson at the playground.

Dave: "Man, these children are crazy"

Adrian: "I hear ya bro. Mine is out of control"

Dave: "We should switch kids this weekend"

Adrian: "Already tried that, got in a little trouble with the law"

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

Factory arson

A factory producing frozen Chinese dumplings is reported to have suffered the worst case of arson in recent history, presumed to be the work of a disgruntled worker.

The police chief said he had never seen a case of such wonton destruction.

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A man gets home from work very disgruntled, his wife asks "What is the matter?" (Man) "I got fired from the factory today." (Wife) "Oh honey you poor thing, what did you do now?" (Man) "I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer." Wife *Looks down at his johnson* "What happened to the pickle slicer...?"

She was fired too.

A huge bloke decked in full hunting gear and with an entire dead wildebeest over his shoulder made his way to Nairobi airport.

As he approached the desk the airline attendant noted the wildebeest carcass but more alarmingly noticed that the suitcase he was dragging was bulging sporadically and clearly contained something large and very much alive. Feeling slightly nervous but determined to do his job the attendant challeng...

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Little Johnny runs into the farmhouse yelling "Paw! Paw! You'll never guess what!"

Paw says "What?" and Little Johnny says "Old man Henderson's farmhouse just got sucked clear away by a whirlwind!"

"I know," says Paw calmly. "It's in the paper."

Disgruntled, Little Johnny trudges off, but a couple of days later he's running into the farmhouse again yelling "Paw! Paw!...

A lady is walking to the store when the sees the most beautiful garden shes ever seen....

She askes the man wattering his garden

"Excuse me sir, how do you get such red tomatoes?"

"Well" he said, "it's a bit embarrassing, but every morning I get up and come outside in just my robe and flash my tomatoes. Then the tomatoes blush and turn redder! You should try it sometime!"...

DID you hear about

The pig that lost its voice?

It was disgruntled!

Goku gets into a car accident

and has to be rushed to the E.R. He has a piece of shrapnel stuck in his arm and is in extreme pain. He gets to the front desk and yells at the nurse "Help! I'm in extreme pain! I have shrapnel in my arm!"

The nurse looks at him calmly and says, "sure, but first you have to fill out this ins...

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.

Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian...

A dyslexic witch cursed me!

Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are about to be shot...

By a firing squad in a Nazi POW camp. The Nazis line them up, and prepare to shoot the Englishman. Just as they're aiming and about to fire, he shouts "HURRICANE!" And all the Germans run desperately for cover, and the Englishman manages to hop the fence and run off.
The disgruntled Germans come ...

A blonde girl goes to an appliance store

She spots the t.v. she's been saving up for, picks it up and goes to the cashier
The cashier says "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes"
Disgruntled she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she goes into the appliance store, picks out the same t.v. and once again goes to...

A chess player was travelling abroad for a tournament

He managed to find a room at a small hotel. Upon entering the room, he immediately knew something was wrong and briskly made his way back to reception.

"Is something wrong?" the receptionist asked, startled by the man's disgruntled demeanour.

The man exclaimed "I thought I paid for ro...

This is a very old joke that I'm sure most people have heard.

One day George W. Bush was walking through Washington when he spotted a boy selling week old "Republican Puppies", delighted he resolved to come back with reporters in a few weeks for his campaign. When he came back the boy was now selling "Democratic Puppies". Disgruntled he asked why and the boy s...

It was just another day in the jungle, and the little tailor store was open as usual.

*ting a-ling-ting* The door jingles open and in walks a flea, a spider and a rat.

They all ask to be measured up and fitted for suits.

"Step this way", says the tailor and begins measuring up the flea with his tiny teeny tape measure.

"You're pretty fat for a flea", he says, a...

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Comrade Stepofsky and Comrade Yuri are standing in a bread line

You know - says stepofsky - this bread line is so long. Every day we wait hours for one measly loaf for a whole family. This is ridiculous! I am going to do something about it

Yeah yeah - mutters Yuri - you talk a big game but you won’t do anything

Next day, Stepofsky returns, even m...

We had our pot-bellied pig de-oinked

He was a little disgruntled.

[True Story] A father meets his daughter's boyfriend for the first time

He welcomes him into the house in the morning and the boyfriend is clearly nervous about their introduction.

The father, wanting to be a gracious host, offers the lad a beer to help him feel comfortable.

Wanting to make a good first impression the boyfriend declines the beer and goes t...

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A man walks into a bar...

and walks up to the bartender. He says to him "I bet you $20 that I can take my left eye out of its socket, slosh it around my mouth, and then put it back in." The bartender replies, "No way that's a fake eye, you've got a bet." So, the man takes his eye out, sloshes it around, and puts it back in. ...

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All lawyers are Assholes!

A disgruntled man walks into bar, bangs his fists on the counter, and exclaims, "All lawyers are Assholes!"

The bartender say, "I take exception to that!"

The man asks, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

The bartender says, "No, I'm an Asshole!"


It's an old one from my grand...

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A Man at a Bar Throws Up All Over Himself

A man was at a bar, drinking beer after beer until he was sick and involuntarily threw up on himself. Disgruntled, he went to the bartender for help.

"Man, my wife is gonna kill me if she finds out I got so drunk that I threw up on my shirt. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

"I...

A cop pulls over a guy who just ran a stop sign.

Cop: You ran that stop sign back there.

Driver: Oh, come on now officer, it's called a California stop! I slowed down and no one was coming so I just rolled through.

Cop: Step out of the car please, sir.

Driver: What? Why? This is outrageous! I slowed down, and no one was ev...

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The man knows his scotch!

A man walks into a bar and asks for 40 year old scotch whisky.

The bartender says "I'll see what I can find in the back"
He emerges from the back only a few minutes later with a glass and gives it to the man. He takes a sip and, "I asked for 40 year old whisky. This is only 12 year old."...

The billionaire and the architect

Los Angeles has always been a place for these massive feats of human accomplishment. Case in point, in 1989, a local billionaire spent millions of his own money to create a unique building of fantastic architecture, one that would draw people in for thousands of miles. He hired a small time architec...

Two friends, Mick and Dave, are having lunch

Two friends, Mick and Dave, are having lunch over at Dave’s house when the conversation turns to postal delivery workers.


Dave, disgruntled about the subject, says “I order a lot of books to get delivered here daily, but I always get a slip saying that they missed me, even if I’m home to ...

A man walks into a bar

and orders a drink. While he’s waiting, he can’t help but notice the disgruntled looking fellow sitting next to him. In front of him on the bar, is a tiny man in a tuxedo playing a concerto on a tiny piano. Obviously curious, the man asks:

Hey buddy, what’s with the tiny musician?

“H...

A man is sitting at the bar...

...and he hears the bartender give the last call. He thinks to himself, this would be an appropriate time to stand up and start making his way home.

He goes to stand up and falls flat on his face.

"That's strange. I can't have possibly had that much to drink." He attempts to stand up a...

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You gota map?

An old pilot regains his desire to fly, so he acquires all of the needed certifications to fly for a popular airline. Sitting down as a first officer, waiting for the lead pilot, a younger flight officer takes a seat at a small table behind the old aviator. The old man asks "who are you" to which ...

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Superman's Day Off

Metropolis was experiencing an unusually low crime rate, so Superman got bored.

He called up Batman and The Flash to see if they wanted to go to a club, but they were busy and blew him off.

He's a little disgruntled while flying around Metropolis in the sun when he sees Wonder Woman su...

Man wishes to understand women.

A man is surfing along the beaches of Southern California when he spots a strange looking bottle washed ashore nearby. He makes his way over to the bottle and tries to rub off the sand caked on the front of it so he can read it. However, this causes the bottle to start shaking violently in his hands...

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a classic

A hawk was feeling incredibly horny one day but could not find a suitable female for procreation, in his search he came across a fairly attractive dove and figured "why not". He swooped down and fornicated with said dove. As he flew away the dove shook the loose down from her derriere and said "I'm ...

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An old man is sitting on the couch watching TV until he gets a phone call...

The man says, “Hello sir, This is Bill from the IRS, we need you to come in at 9am tomorrow to discuss some large amounts of money coming into your account.”

“Ok, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you, see you tomorrow.”

The old man thought to himself, “I probably need a lawyer, huh?”...

Brian wanted to be a miner ever since he was little

So one day when he hit that magical age of 21 he packed up all of his things and left his parents house. Too the grievance of his mother he moved a few states over. To a little mining village that like in the old days completely depended on their local gold mine. For some reason unlike all the other...

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A visit to the pope

A man walks into the barber's and says "I don't mind what you do so long as it looks smart, I'm going to see the pope".

"Oh not the pope! He's done nothing for the faith. I went to see him a while ago and he never even appeared. They said he wasn't feeling well. Pathetic if you ask me, lett...

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