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A boy and a girl are romanticaly sitting in the park

Suddenly she loosens her blouse and while looking the boy in the eyes she asks: "do you want to know where they did surgery on my hart?"
The boy, being flabbergasted by this stutters a bit and then brings out: "yes... Yes please!" While looking greedily at her breasts.
The girl, happy with thi...

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For some people, alcohol loosens their tongue; others

Their butthole

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The Doctor is Always Right

A man wakes up feeling sick, so he goes to an urgent care center.  The doctor asks what his symptoms are, and he tells her, "I'm not sure - I'm just not right."

The doctor immediately replies, "I need a urine specimen."

The man is taken aback.  "Why do you need a urine sample?  You hav...

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Two window cleaners are working at the airport building

One of them says, «I want to pee, let's come down»

«Dude, just piss from here».

«But there are people down there».

«See that fountain? Lean down and aim right there, no one will notice»

«No way, I'll fall down»

«Don't worry man, I'll hold you by the galluses»
...

A rope walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "get out, we don't serve ropes here." So the rope leaves, loosens up its end bits, and ties its self up. The rope then walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "aren't you the same rope I just told to get out of here?" And the rope says, "nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Three men were sentenced to death.

The day of their execution arrives, the first man was hanged but fortunately the rope loosens and he fells into the water below the platform. The same happens with the second man. It was now the turn of the third man, but before reaching to the pole he requests the person in charge, "You better tigh...

A priest out for a walk comes across a boy tied to a tree

The priest says, "oh you poor boy, what on earth has happened to you?"
The boy says, "I was just walking home when these 2 men grabbed me, tied me up and did terrible things to me."
The priest loosens his cassock and says, "It's not your lucky day is it?"

A Politician's Tells

Especially given recent events, it's important to be able to understand how to read a politician. Every politician has similar tells, you see...
When a politician rubs their nose, they're telling the truth.
When a politician scratches their chin, they're telling the truth.
When a poli...

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A businessman travels to Japan...[nsfw]

the American businessman arrives a day early for his meeting with his Japanese business colleague and being quite the tourist he decides to hit the the town. He goes to a couple of sushi bars and loosens up a bit, he meets an attractive women at one of the karaoke bars and after quite a while of tr...

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Man makes lady doctor promise not to laugh

Lady doc: Sir, I never laugh at patients.
Patient: OK.
Lady doc: You can show me any problem.
Patient: Don't laugh.
Man loosens belt. Unzips. Pulls down shorts.
Lady doc sees the smallest penis she's ever seen. Even on a baby. She bites her lip not to laugh.
Lady doc: And the spe...

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Talented octopus

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old guitar.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the ...

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