Live Long Jokes - 9 Hilarious Live Long Jokes

You either die young enough to be remembered as a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Just ask Jean-Claude Van Damme

Optometrists always live long lives

It's because they dilate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin: How much of the Russian population want to kill me?

His advisor: About half.

Putin: Only half? That's a relief. The other half support me, then?

His advisor: The other half want to live long enough to piss on your grave.

Where did Helen Keller work all the live long day?

The braille road

Doctor : You are obese, to live long enough you have to avoid three things.

Patient : Sure doctor... What are those...?

Doctor : Breakfast Lunch & Dinner !

My fortune teller is such a fraud, said my dad would live a long life but he died at 51

I wish my dad could live longer like our chef who completed 73 years yesterday.

Scientists have finally released a list of ten MOST IMPORTANT things a human must have in order to live long. NUMBER 7 WILL DEFINITELY SHOCK YOU!!!

1. protection from elements
2. air
3. water
4. food
5. cloth
6. communication
7. electricity
8. cats
9. feels
10. dank memes

My dad told me this joke in Serbian years ago. Hope it translates well.

A man is terminally ill and has 3 months left to live. Seeing as he was a holy man for all his life, God gave him a visit and granted him 3 wishes. The man ponders for a few minutes then asks for his first wish.

“God, I’d love to have a nice steak dinner and some brandy to wash it down with.”...

What does a mosquito and a biker have in common?

They're both really annoying but don't live long.

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