Where did Helen Keller work all the live long day?

The braille road

Doctor : You are obese, to live long enough you have to avoid three things.

Patient : Sure doctor... What are those...?

Doctor : Breakfast Lunch & Dinner !

Optometrists always live long lives

It's because they dilate

As an actor, you either die,

Or live long enought to play Batman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

My fortune teller is such a fraud, said my dad would live a long life but he died at 51

I wish my dad could live longer like our chef who completed 73 years yesterday.

My dad told me this joke in Serbian years ago. Hope it translates well.

A man is terminally ill and has 3 months left to live. Seeing as he was a holy man for all his life, God gave him a visit and granted him 3 wishes. The man ponders for a few minutes then asks for his first wish.

“God, I’d love to have a nice steak dinner and some brandy to wash it down with.”...

I found out how vaccines cause autism,

Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Cleveland Browns fan finds a magical lamp.

The fan rubs the lamp and a genie emerges.

Genie: "I am the all powerful genie and I will grant you one wish!"

Fan: "That's easy, I want to live forever!"

Genie: "That's an impossible wish that I cannot grant."

Fan: "Okay then, I want to live long enough to see the Cl...

Gorbachev, Reagan, and Thatcher all meet God.

God says "I'll answer one question from each of you."

Reagan asks "How long will it be before the American people are happy, healthy, and living in prosperity?"

God replies "50 years."

Reagan starts to weep, and says "I won't live long enough to see it!"

Thatcher says "Wh...

I was in a band with a group of anti vaxxers.

We didn't live long enough to become popular.

There are 3 types of people in the world: Glass half-full people, glass half-empty people,

And kids with antivax parents, who never live long enough to form an opinion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WHat's the difference between a Sicilian mafioso and a man from Alabama ?

The Sicicilian mafioso doesn't live long enough to fuck his family a second time.

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