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So Long Jokes

Why do the election results take so long?

It’s a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?

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My dick is so long if I laid it on the keyboard it would stretch all the way from A to Z

Wait... Shit...

Why did Bilbo Baggins live for so long?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

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My grandpa brought up sex the other day. He told me after being married to my grandma so long, they still have sex almost every day of the week.

They almost had sex last monday, almost on tuesday, wednesday etc.

Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today?

Because they had to go home and change first.

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I haven't had sex in so long...

I can't even remember who gets tied up.

Why do pirates take so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they often spend years at C

You know, I’ve been wearing glasses for so long…

It’s hard to see myself without them

After 65 years of marriage, my grandpa still calls grandma "honey", "sweetie", "baby", and "sugar". I asked him for the secret to keep love alive so long.

He said "i forgot her name 10 years ago, and I'm afraid to ask."

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My penis is so long

When i put it on my keyboard, it covers all the way from A to Z

Why does the wait feel so long to see a doctor?

Doctors have patients and you don't.



Credit to my friend,

\-Wally P.

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ME: one time I farted so long & loud I thought my ass would stop and take a breath...

INTERVIEWER: ...and what would you consider a weakness about yourself?

Why was "Art of the Deal" so long?

It had six Chapter 11s.

I once asked my grandfather how he'd lived so long.

He smiled and said; "I sprinkle a little gunpowder on my cereal every morning."

I always thought that was a little weird but he did live a long life and left a great legacy; a thriving career, loving wife, seven children, sixteen grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and a massive hole in t...

Why does it take so long to build a blonde snowman?

\- You have to hollow out the head

“I’ve spent so long trying to think of a synonym for ‘ambitious’ that I’ve given myself a headache.”

“Aspiring?”

“No thanks, I’ll just get some fresh air, that’ll clear it up.”

That World Series game was so long...

When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.

Why did it Take so long For Russia to abolish Communism?

The Leader was Stalin

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I haven't had sex in so long

sometimes I go for a run in flip flops to remember what it sounds like.

I've been single so long

a bug flew in my eye and I thought, "It's nice to be touched."

My love life has been vacant for so long...

... it became a Spirit Halloween.

Why did the droids take so long to complete the Death Star?

Because they had bad motivators...



Star Wars fans will get this one...

As a Syrian, I don't know why America is taking so long to get a definitive result from their election.

We know our results months in advance!

I asked my grandpa why it takes him so long to pee. He said

The stream is buffering.

A new girlfriend asked me "How did you manage to stay single for so long?"

Single Handedly

I’ve been single for so long…

My last Crush was an orange soda.

After so long of Hell being just too hot...

The inhabitants decide to steal a/c units from Heaven and install them, making the place a little more comfortable. When the inhabitants of Heaven learn what's been done, they lash out in outrage. "How dare you! We'll sue you!" they cried.

To which Hell's residents replied: "You can try, s...

The wait to see a doctor in the UK is getting so long, many are turning to Casualty instead.

They watch the show hoping someone turns up with the same symptoms as them.

Why is Nevada taking so long?

Because they can't count the next vote until somebody rolls a seven

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book...

Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out.

Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory."

The old man says "Well, I only had one child, a son."

Jesus smiles and says "Heh, I was an only child too. Go on."

The man say...

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I’m into boys and I’m into girls… but I’ve been single for so long I no longer think I’m bisexual

I’m officially all bi-myself

My to-do list has gotten so long

I don't know what to do

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So why are you in prison? [long]

Well, after a long and hard 12 hour shift at work and an hour long commute I make it home. Obviously I’m not in the mood to cook and most everywhere is closed, so I decide to order a pizza.

I call up the local pizza place, put in an order for a large with everything on it, and I wait. I wait ...

I constantly have to remind my wife to not breast feed our son for so long. She always seems to forget that it causes bleeding…

… she has a tearable mammary.

(Sorry just a random dad joke I thought of today while in the shower. Not a true story)

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I haven't had sex in so long...

I ran across the parking lot in flip flops just so I could remember the sound.

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Why is Nevada taking so long to count the votes?

When Vegas found out someone was counting they beat the shit out of them and kicked them out.

Do you know why giraffes necks are so long?

Because their heads are so far from their body

The last joke I heard from my grandfather before he passed away. Paraphrased because it was so long ago. Still my favorite joke.

You know, I wasn't always the strong Christian man I am today. I was a little wild before I met your gram, but we all have club stories, right? Some better than others, but they're all an important part of our history. Anyway, one night I went out to a club. It was a weeknight, so it wasn't like it ...

I've been in quarantine for so long

That I'm using shampoo on my pubes.

And hand sanitizer on everything else.

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I hadn't had sex in so long,

I forgot what a woman's penis looks like.

Why'd the accused pimp take so long to answer the judge?

He wanted to gather his THOTs first.

If you're wondering why its taking so long to count votes in Nevada

They hired pole workers instead of poll workers

Why does Hamlet take so long in the Bathroom?

He cannot decide to pee or not to pee.

Why did it take so long for Trump to catch Covid-19?

He was holding out for a Covid-15 or 16 at the oldest.

Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?

He had a run-on sentence.

I have a theory as to why the Cybertruck is taking so long to get in production:

They are experiencing an Elon-gated Delay!

It's no surprise Nevada is taking so long to count their ballots

Anyone smart enough to count in Vegas gets kicked out and banned for life

I haven’t been to the gym in so long that

I have to call him James

Why is it taking so long to hear the results from Pennsylvania?

Because the Amish deliver everything by horse

Why did Captain America wait so long to carry Thor’s hammer?

He didn’t wanna steal his thunder.

Why do dogs live so long in Germany?

Because of all the Veteran Aryans.

Why do orgies always take so long in Heaven?...

Because Jesus always pretends he’s about to come again.

Why do non Jewish movies run for so long?

It’s because they’re uncut

Why is Donald Trump’s biography so long?

It has four Chapter 11s.

My wife was in labor for so long...

It felt like a maternity

Why do turtles live so long?

In the race of life, they're dead last

I'm single for so long

My last girlfriend dumped me on MSN.

Why did it take so long for Americans to beat Germany in WW2?

They weren't Russian.

I have tricked so many people, for so long, that now I am a

Serial Master Baiter.

I've never had my hair so long in my life. At first I hated it.

I'm not sure why but it's growing on me.

The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...

That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.

Did you hear about the English teacher who went to prison for so long she went through menopause?

She was most upset that there would be no period at the end of her sentence.

Why did the Italian take so long ordering?

He had a hard time choosing sides.

We’ve been married so long that I don’t have to finish my sentences any more...

But I still do, just to annoy her.

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My girlfriend hasn't touched my dick in so long.

Its schlong overdue.

Why did the cold war last so long?

The US couldn't stop Stalin.

Why do centipedes live so long?

It takes them awhile to reach their last legs.

Why did it take Joe so long to officially announce his 2020 campaign?

He was Biden his time.

This quarantine has been going on so long, my relationship with the gym has been slipping.

I've had to start calling it the James again.

Why is the Flynn investigation taking so long?

Because they're carefully Muelling it over.

Why did it take so long for Atlanta to build a subway?

Talking about an underground railroad is still a sore subject around those parts.

Why did it take scientists so long to get a picture of a black hole?

If they wanted a picture of something devouring all life force around them, they could have just asked for a picture of my mother in law.

I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long?

but then it finally dawned on me.

Why did it take so long for Labour to expel Alistair Campbell

It's really difficult to draw a pentagram around a moving target.

Why did it took so long to investigate Flint water crisis?

They never appointed a lead detective

Why was Walter able to commit so much crime for so long on Breaking Bad without getting caught?

White privilege.

My daughter brought a friend from school and she said his great-great-great-great-grandfather was coming to pick him up later

I was impressed and asked: "Does he know how his so many greats grandfather lived for so long?"

My daughter answered: "It's because of my friend's stutter."

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Did you hear about the man whose penis is so long that the tip of it could touch the sun?

He has one astronomical unit!

I left my ex for the same reason I was with her for so long.

She sucked.

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It was taking me so long to pick my nose...

That my impatient plastic surgeon suggested that I get a boob job instead.

Henry David! Why are you taking so long organizing your notes?

I just want to be Thoreau.

My hair is so long, it started growing it’s own hair.

Don’t take that too seriously, it's metafollicle.

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