When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat
Is a warm toilet seat
I'm 30 years old and I finally made the decision to live alone...
I already left my parents' bags out of the house
I live alone, and while I was watching TV, I saw these 10 ants running around frantically in my living room...
So I felt kind of bad for them, so I made them a little house using a cardboard box and some dirt from the backyard.
I guess this makes me their landlord.
Now it's just me and my tenants.
Do you know the reasons why most melons live alone?
Because they can't elope
Being Kissed While You're Asleep is Purest Forms Of Love,
Not When You Live Alone.
If you watch Wall-E backwards
it's about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people
A priest told me this joke as a kid.
There were 3 men, they were best friends, and they were quite unhealthy. Their names were, Bert, Chester, and Earl.
They were actually really unhealthy and Bert decided that he needed to take charge of him and his friends' health. He decided that they were going to be on a diet together to he...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The therapists asked me "So, you were saying you hear voices..."
therapist: how often?
mom: Who are you talking to?
me: I'm talking to my therapist, mom
mom: What therapist? You've been holed up in that room all day long!
therapist: You still live with your mother?
me: No, sir, I live alone.
I used to have a co-worker named Joe.
He seemed to have come out of no where. When he first got the job, We asked him where he was from, but he would always just shrug off the question. Nevertheless, Joe and I got along really well.
One day, he approached me and asked if he could move in with me and my girlfriend. He told us abou...
My wife left me because apparently I'm to paranoid
I'm ok with that. Rather live alone than with a clone
You know you have a problem when...
Your personal lube is depleting like two people are using it, but you live alone...
A man deals with a problem.
21/11/2015 Wollstonecraft 2.00am. Police received numerous calls in relation to a violent domestic, with reports of a woman screaming hysterically, a man yelling “I’m going to kill you, your dead! Die Die!!”, with the sounds of furniture being tossed around the unit. Numerous police cars responded t...
My roommate thinks I have schizophrenia
Which is weird because I live alone.