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Being Alone Jokes

A woman, tired of being alone, posts a personal ad

In the ad, she says she's looking for a man who won't beat her, won't walk out on her, and can please her in bed.

A few days later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and is surprised to find a man on her doorstep with no arms or legs. "I'm here about the personal ad," the man says casual...

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Being alone in the toilet

Should remind you that you're always alone when shit goes down!

You’re not scared of being alone in the dark.

You’re scared of not being alone in the dark.

Enola Holmes : my mother named me Enola because its Alone spelt backwards and she loves being alone

Lana : I don't like where this is going!!

When I was about 9 years old, my father forced me to go with him to the funeral of a friend of his, that I didn't know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner, waiting for time to pass by. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life boy, be happy because time flies. Look at me now.... I didn't enjoy it." He then passed his hand over my head and left.

My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to ...

Not looking forward to Thanksgiving. There's always yelling, crying and plate throwing.

Also, it's hard always being alone on Thanksgiving.

The best part about being quarantined are the handjobs.

The worst part is being alone.

Why was the mortgage so clingy?

It hated being alone.

I'm what you would call an anti-social extrovert.

That may sound like a contradiction, but it basically means that being alone makes me what to kill myself and I love it

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I always keep the lights on during sex..

because I'm afraid of being alone in the dark

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this lady has a husband who travels a lot on work

She is worried about her safety, being alone at home all the time, and she decides to get herself a guard dog.
She goes to the kennel and asks for the most ferocious dog they have.
“That would be Mike Tyson” says the kennel owner. He goes out back and returns with a tiny little pug trotting ...

3 men are stranded on a desert island...

They wander around and find a magic lamp, from which a genie appears.

The genie offers to grant each man one wish.

The first man wishes for a boat so he can leave. *poof* The man is rewarded and he makes his getaway.

The second man wishes for a helicopter so he can leave. *poof...

A woman goes to the doctor and is asked to remove her bra and panties.

Woman: Why do I need to do that?

Doctor: The file says your future employer wants me to perform a complete physical exam on you.

Woman: Well, can I have a female nurse in here too, then?

Doctor: What for? They're all kind of busy right now.

Woman: Just so that I'm more co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a man crashes his plane onto a deserted island...

After a while of being alone the man begins to grow incredibly horny. He spots a donkey off in the distance and decides to go for it. The donkey isn’t having any of it and quickly evades the man. Years go by and he still just can’t catch the damn donkey. One day an unconscious woman washes up on the...

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