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Litres Jokes

Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?

Farmer: which one, black one or white one?

Interviewer: Black one

Farmer: 2 litres per day.

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: 2 litres per day.

Interviewer : Where do they sleep?

Farmer: The Black one or the. White one?

Interviewer: The black on...

Who can drink 5 litres of petrol?

Jerry can.

My grandpa’s last words before he died was “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”

That spoke volumes.

A woman died after drinking 18 litres of coke

She ate a packet of mentos and they found her head 3 miles away

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking along the countryside where he notices a lot of sheep and only one shepherd so curiously, he walks over to him and asks

A man was walking along the countryside where he notices a lot of sheep and only one shepherd so curiously, he walks over to him and asks

"Are those sheep yours?"

"Which ones, the black, or the white?"the shepherd asks.

"The black ones?"

"They're mine." He said

"I ...

"doctor, my husband thinks he is a car. First he drinks five litres of gasoline abd then he runs 20km."

"I understand your concern." Said the doctor "With 5 litres he should run atleast 50km."

Just ordered 1,000 litres of Tippex.

Big mistake.

What's grey and comes in litres?

An elephant.

Apologies if this is a repost - heard it yesterday and had to share.

I bought 10 litres of Tippex the other day

Huge mistake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's as big as a house, burns 20 litres of fuel every hour, puts out a shit ton of smoke and noise, and cuts an apple into 3 pieces?

A Soviet machine made to cut apples into 4 pieces

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a very crowded bar

The bar has long line so he gets in the line and waits and waits and waits. After finally being served he orders a bottle of Whiskey and leaves the line. After drinking the whole bottle of whiskey he gets a light headache and thinks water is a good idea. But there is a long line to get water. He get...

On our first date. Her: I really like men who plan ahead.

Me: That's why I drank 2 litres of pineapple juice today.

A boy decides to learn a language of all animals

- Dad, there is a school where you can learn the language of animals. Please, give me money to go there and study.

*Fathers agrees and gives him money*

*After a year, son returns home and father decides to test his skills*

-Son, did you learn the language?
-Yes father. Do you...

How much paint?

John is just about to sit down to dinner when a knock comes on the door. He answers begrudgingly to a young man.

"Hello." Says the man. "I've just moved in next door and was wondering how much paint you bought to paint your living room?"

"Oh, I got thirty litres." Says John.

The...

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going fr...

Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved "supreme leader".

Now they are demanding 1 billion or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate whatever you can.

P.S. I ve donated 5 litres.

The wife came home with four cases of beer,

*The wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, a litre of vodka, two litres of gin, two bottles of whisky and two loaves of bread*

*"Are we expecting guests?" He asked.*

*"No," she replied.*

*"Then why did you buy so much bread..!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run commie collective farm.)

A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."

The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman's extended family

Many of you know Kal-El (superman) and his father Zor-El, even his cousin supergirl.

Did you know he has several other loosely related relatives that also traveled to earth as infants and were raised here? Here are a few.

1) he has a cousin that was raised in Mexico, hardworking guy. H...

A Scottish man walks store...

He asked for 15 litres of the best whiskey the clerk has. "Did you bring a container for this?" The clerk asks. "You're speaking to it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 murders get caught and get 10 years solitary...

During their killing spree they spare the life of an old man. They have 24 hour lock down and the old man turns out to be a wizard and approaches them in prison and says I cant set you all free but i will give you whatever you love the most in your cell.

So the first guy says woman, So the gu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Milking Machine

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realised that the equipm...

Black Sheeps, White Sheeps

A city guy goes hiking and comes across an old shepherd pasturing his flock. The guy is alone so he decides to have a little chat with the shepherd while having a rest. Word by word, their chat gets to sheep.

Guy: How much milk do sheeps give per day?

Shepherd: The white ones or the bl...

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