If lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to get hit?

The conductor.

What happens when lightning strikes an animal shelter?

Shock and Awwwww

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Priest and nun playing golf.

A priest and a nun are playing golf. The nun, on the first course, swing and hit the ball, right in the hole at the first strike. The priest hit the ball and threw it around. "Fxxx! I've missed!" said the priest. The nun glance at him and disagrees, moving the head. On the second hole, same scene: t...

Someone told me Im more likely to die from a lightning strike while on the way to buying a lottery ticket than actually winning the lottery.

Either way I hit the jackpot.

Adam Libnitzki(32) got struck by lightning.

02, Jul, 2019 | Sunday

This Sunday morning was a melancholic event in the Libnitzki family, As the 32 year old father of three children aged 2,3 and 16 years old was found dead due to a lightning strike. The grieving wife informed the reporters that her husband was a loved man and was a well ...

A Priest and a Nun Decide to Go Golfing

They get to the first hole and tee up, the nun hits her first shot and the ball goes right in the hole. The priest steps up to shoot and hits the ball straight into a sand trap.

"God damn it, I missed!"

The nun shouts back to the priest

"Father! You shouldn't take the Lord's na...

If lightning always takes the path of least resistance,

then why don’t all lightning strikes happen in France?

Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing.

The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green. Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green.

Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard. Jesus closes his eyes...

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer.

This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bo...

A man and a priest are playing golf...

... the man is putting and misses his shot. "God damnit, I missed," the man says.
The priest tells him to not take the Lord's name in vain, or God would strike him down.
The man swings and misses again.
"God damnit, I missed."
The priest, again, reminds him that God would strike him down...

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A kid is throwing rocks at a can in a park

He misses the first shot and says:
"Fuck, I missed!"

The priest from a church that is right in front of the park hears him, walks up to him and says:
"Son, you must not curse or God will punish you..."

The kid doesn't listen to him and replies:
"Yeah, whatever"

He keeps...

I knew a guy who married a tree...

My neighbor fell in love with this oak tree on his property. He ended up having a wedding ceremony and everything (don't ask how he consummated it...). All things considered it was one of the most stable marriages I had ever seen, lasting nearly 20 years. Then a lightning strike split the tree in ha...

The Biggest Coward

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.

The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."

The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the w...

A Father meets his old friend, the Major after many years.

The Major wants to show off his shooting skills to his friend. He fires at the target, and misses by a distance.

"Damn! How the hell did I miss?", exclaims the Major.

"Mind your language, Bruce. You know that God is always watching", says the Father.

The Major ignores him and fi...

Jason and Charlie go golfing

After a few holes Jason misses what should have been an easy putt. "God dammit, I missed!" said Jason. Charlie replies, "Woah there, you really shouldn't use the Lord's name in vain or God himself may strike down upon you". Jason assures Charlie it won't happen again and they continue to play. A few...

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Some Christians, Jews and Muslims decide to settle once and for all whose God is real

They decide to each send someone to jump from a cliff while shouting their God's name to prove it and if the jumper survives then their God is indeed real


Muslims decide to go first then the Jews followed finally by Christians.


The lone Muslim man selected by his people stands...

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A Priest and a Nun go golfing...

The priest lines up his shot, adjusts his lucky cap, takes a deep breath, and swings! And misses.

"Fuck!" he shouts.

The nun is scandalized and warns the priest-'Father! Watch your language!'
The priest apologizes and decides to move onto the next hole.

He lines up his shot,...

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Golfing buddies

After a big reception at the Vatican, the Pope invites Dave to a round of golf and Dave agrees. On the first hole, Dave misses a relatively easy putt and exclaims "Fuck! I missed!" The Pope tells him to please watch his language and they continue playing.

A few holes later, Dave misses anothe...

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A Monk And A Nun Are Playing Darts In A Monastery.

The monk throws his dart, and misses the board. "Oh shit, I missed" he says. The nun says, "Don't say that here, this is a holy place."

The monk assures her he will not, and throws his next dart. It misses the board. "Oh SHIT, I missed!"

The nun exclaims, "DO NOT SAY THAT HERE, THE LOR...

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A Catholic priest and an atheist are playing golf

On the first hole, the atheist hits the ball into the woods, and exclaims "Oh, for Christ's sake! I missed." The priest tells him "careful my son, God will punish you if you use such language." They finish the hole, move on to the next hole, and, this time, the atheist hits the ball into the sand. H...

A man is playing golf.

The first hit he lands on the ball sends it flying into the nearby bushes. He swears and goes to retrieve the ball. After another hit, the ball ends up in the sand pit. "God damn it," says the man grudgingly.

The local pastor, who was taking a stroll nearby, said to him: "Son, you shan't men...

A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.

On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.

When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.

The farmer is furious and screams: "Goddammit I missed".

The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will p...

A nun takes a poor man golfing for charity.

On the first hole the man completely shanks a shot and says, "Goddamnit I missed."

The nun replies, "You shouldn't take the lords name in vain."

The guy grumbles and they keep playing. A few holes later the man hits a ball in to a sand-trap and again says, "Goddamnit I missed."
...

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The Storm

A woman invites her date up to her apartment after a wonderful dinner. After a bit of conversation on the couch, they kiss. Passions rise and the kissing gets more intense, as does the pressure in her belly. She realizes that the is going to fart at any moment, whether she wants to or not.

Sh...

God, Jesus, and Moses are playing golf..

So Moses takes his first stroke and the ball goes soaring. An eagle then picks the ball out of mid air and flies off the course. Then the wind picks up and steers the eagle back. Then lightning strikes the eagle dropping the ball back down and God says, "Are we here to play golf or are we gonna scre...

So Jesus and St. Peter go out to play golf

Jesus and St. Peter go to play golf one day. St. Peter tees off first and hits a beautiful drive straight down the fairway and lands perfectly 3 feet away from the hole. "Good job," says Jesus, "now let me see what I can do." Jesus tees off and shanks miserably. The ball bounces off a tree and lands...

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So Theres an Airplane...

So theres an airplane flying along in a big storm with a pilot, a priest, a nun, a rabbi and a bunch of children.

Suddenly lightning strikes the engine and the plane begins to crash.

The pilot takes a parachute and jumps immediately. Leaving only three parachutes.

The nun starts...

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