My name is Joe Biden and...

I forget this message.

Joe Biden is like a web browser with 19 tabs open

17 are frozen and he doesn't know where the music is coming from

What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?

Neither of them respect boundaries.

Joe Biden recently said his kid's won't have offices in the white house.

Mainly because he also won't have an office in the white house.

What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?

"Smell ya later!"

Joe Biden Singing the Alphabet

Joe: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,"

"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P,"

\*pauses\*

"I don't remember the rest,"

"Nor can I sing,"

"That doesn't matter,"

"You know the thing."

What’s Joe Biden’s favorite arcade game?

Space Invaders

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Ronald Reagan this November.

Oh sorry, I meant Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Joe Biden this November.

Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?

Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but this year her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.

No way would she have done that if she were still alive.

How do you know Joe Biden is a neoliberal?

He's always talking about his one black friend.

Why is Joe Biden like the Coronavirus?

They are both sweeping through the states, taking the elderly's breath away.

So, joe biden walks into a bar and sees a hot, young woman sitting alone at a table....

....He sits down next to her and says “So...do I come here often?”

Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

It's not going to be easy for Joe Biden to earn the votes of Bernie's supporters.

Not even Bernie himself could do it.

Donald Trump is visiting a school

He enters one of the classrooms and asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and says, "If my best friend was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No", says Trump. "That would be an ACC...

It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet

Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task

If Joe Biden's wife is called the First Lady, then what will his mother be called?

Joe mama.

Credit to u/Grignard_RMgX

Joe Biden formally announcing his run for president

Bernie Sanders: I am running

Andrew Yang: I am running

Kamala Harris: I am running

Elizabeth Warren: I am running

Joe Biden: Me too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is like Joe Biden.

Slightly left-leaning, and nobody's first choice.

What do you call it when President Obama

What do you call it when President Obama and Joe Biden talk shop over a nice dinner?

A government man-date.

Boom. I'll be here all night.

Queen of England

Obama was talking to the queen of England and he asked her how she runs her country so well. The queen replies quite simply that she chooses the best people to run it. Obama considers this for a moment and then asks, "how do you ensure that they are the best people for the job?" The queen answers th...

Joe Biden is a Jack of all trades

Apparently he has his fingers in many pies.

Bernie, Joe and Donald are on a Zoom call.

Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump secretly have regular Zoom conversations.

Bernie: “I dreamed last night that God spoke to me. He said that he wanted me to be president.”

Joe: “That’s funny. I had the exact same dream.”

Donald: “I don’t remember talking to either of y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe Biden met with the Queen of England and politely asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government, are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well” the Queen replied “The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people”

Biden frowned and asked, “How do I know if the people around me are truly intelligent?”

The Queen laughed and told him “Oh that’s easy; just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle!”...

Is Joe Biden coming for your guns?

Then put them upstairs.

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over

Im just aBiden the law officer.

At first I thought it weird that Joe Biden wanted to make his press secretary staff all women

But then I remembered that meant he didn't need to pay them as much

Donald Trump, Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton are in a boat, and the boat sinks. Who is saved?

The United States of America.

Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today

He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

Why does joe Biden use a Mac?

Because apparently he doesn’t want you to have windows.

What do you call Joe Biden's mom

Joe mama

Joe Biden's Least Favorite Song?

Stairway to Heaven

This week President Obama became the first president to get a life-size 3D-printed portrait done.

It looked so real that Joe Biden argued with it for 20 minutes that Peeta is better than Gale.

Biden then realized his mistake, . . . and admitted Gale is the clear choice.

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gav...

People say im like joe Biden

Its because, because, Uhh... Umm... You know, the thing

Teacher asks students for their favourite stand up comedians

Students start naming their favourite comedians.

Then one kid says : Joe Biden.

Another kid follows with : Donald Trump.

Political debate starts. When the teacher finaly quiets down the class there is only the person who didn't say who their favourite is, is the quiet kid.
...

joe biden moving into the white house

and looking for the half a sandwich he left in the break room four years ago

I hope Joe Biden will run for president in 2020

Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time.....

I'm sorry

What's the best thing about being Joe Biden?

Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.

Joe Biden says he’s going to restore the “soul” of our nation...

...the McRib will now be available nationwide for the first time since 2012.

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together

Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.

"How'd you do?" she asks him.

"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"

"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11."

On the eve of Joe Biden's inauguration, prominent members of the previous Democrat administrations have a Zoom call to toast the end of the Trump presidency.

Among other topics, conversation turns to Amazon and Google's targeted marketing and the methods they employ. To lighten the mood, Bill Clinton suggests that he and his former vice-president have an impromptu jam session for everyone on saxophone and bongos respectively, something they secretly did ...

What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe Biden, Boris Johnson and Angela Merkel are having dinner together at a waterfront restaurant after a conference

As they look out at the water, conversation turns to the naval forces of their respective countries.

Boris Johnson chimes in and says "Our British submarines are impeccable works of engineering, they can stay underwater for two weeks without refuelling." Biden is interested, Merkel more so....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There lil Johnny sat in the back of class...

as the teacher announced that "Today, if the students could name the famous Americans who said these famous quotes, they could go home early."

Excited, the whole class perked up.

"First one." Mr. Jones said. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Every student's hand was up...

Joe Biden might very well die during the course of his mandate

however, he could just as likely die during Trump's mandate.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

How could you tell that Joe Biden is Irish?

Cause he worked for O’bama.

Joe biden enters the white house. Donald trump says "you don't have the right to take the presidency from me!"

Joe Biden responds: "perhaps not, but I do have the left!"

Hispanic Word of the Day: Bodywash

Joe Biden was on TV today, but no bodywash him.

President Obama has a meeting with the President of China to discuss debt...

President Obama has a meeting with Xi Jinping to discuss the debt the US owes to China. He arrives at the Chinese presidential mansion with Joe Biden, but they find there is work going on in the garden and lots of mud everywhere. So they have to roll up their trouser legs and step carefully to enter...

What do Joe Biden and trans people have in common?

Republicans want to block their transition

Joe Biden was having his first briefing as president with the joint chiefs of staff. The topic was the an impending alien invasion, and more specifically an invasion by the aliens known as “the greys”

CIA director: “Sir, we have reason to believe that the greys are becoming a serious problem.”

Biden: “Really? Come on man. I mean, my wife has said that a couple times but I think they’re OK”

DOD director: “OK? Sir, if we don’t eliminate them all immediately, we may find ourselves in s...

Joe Biden canceled the Keystone XL pipeline...

It was all a pipe dream.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two poor friends once went for a job interview

One was a scholar, the other was dumb. They came up with an idea for both to get into the job.

"I have an idea. I'll try and be ahead in the line and after they ask me the questions I'll tell you the answer after I get out."

"Okay friend I'll forever be grateful of you."

The int...

A reporter is interviewing the President of the United States…

WALLACE (Interviewer) But I've got to tell you, if I may, sir, respectfully, in the Fox poll, they asked people, who is more competent? Who's got -- whose mind is sounder? Biden beats you in that.
TRUMP: Well, I'll tell you what, let's take a test. Let's take a test right now. Let's go down, Jo...

Joe Biden is very close to making a decision about a female Vice Presidential running mate.

Sources close to the matter have stated that he’s already given several of them his digits.

On the behalf of Ron Swanson, the USA decides to choose their next president based on a race

Joe Biden and Donald Trump try to run in the race to try and be president again but ultimately lost to Usain Bolt who also competed.

When interviewed on why he should be president, Usain explained "Because I run better than the government."

Joe Biden and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

As they are waving to everyone, Biden leans towards Trump saying,

“Did you know, that with one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? Also, this joy will not be merely a momentary display, like that of your followers, but will go deep into their hearts...

Joe Biden will never be my president

partially because I'm not American, but he will be the president of the united states.

Joe Biden and Barack Obama are going for a morning jog.

Joe finishes at just under 11 minutes, but Barack is waiting for him at the finish line already.

"what time did you get?" asks Joe.

"I ran pretty well, did under 10 minutes this time", answers Obama. "By the way, what's the standing record amongst the presidents now? Bill at 9 and a h...

Walking out to my truck today, in texas, I can’t help but think,

Joe Biden has really over done it with his global warming plan.

A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

Trump and Obama meets during inauguration.

Trump asks: Barack, your approval ratings are pretty high. I love ratings bigly. Can you give me some tips?

Obama: The key is having a strong administration. I make sure that my administration not only works hard but is also composed of smart people.

Trump: What do you mean?

Oba...

Breaking news: Conspiracy against trump confirmed.

In a recent study of ballots it has become apparent that there was in fact a Conspiracy during the election.

Turns out it was way worse than the Republicans first thought though, it is now believed that a massive conspiracy involving some 81 million American adults conspired together against ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was a wonderful morning and Trump stepped out ..

Of the White House to feel the warm sunshine on his face. He noticed something written on the wall and moved closer. There it was, someone had pissed the words, "Trump Sucks" on the garden wall. Furious, Trump called up the CIA, NSA, EPA, the DC police and demanded that the culprit be found and brou...

I heard Joe Biden was gonna get the same intelligence briefing Trump gets everyday for the first time tomorrow.

Does the coloring book come with crayons?

Why did so many Republicans vote for Joe Biden this year? (TW: Political, bad taste)

If you’re red, and you fail to take care of your voters during a respiratory virus pandemic...they turn blue.

Donald Trump has said that his getting COVID-19 was a gift from God.

I'm sure Joe Biden feels the same way.

Donald Trump’s latest strategy to win back the White House is...

...to change his name to Joe Biden

A political joke for both sides:

Joe Biden has forgotten more about governing than Trump ever learned.

Joe Biden should change his campaign slogan

To make America great again.

Joe Biden is not my president!!

At least not till January which won’t come soon enough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do they call Joe Biden Walking Eagle?

While meeting with leaders of the Native American tribes, Donald Trump overheard them speaking to each other about "Walking Eagle."

Trump pulled one of the leaders aside and asked who "Walking Eagle" was.

"Oh," said the elder, "that's our name for Joe Biden."

Trump scowled. "Wh...

[Long] Once 5 people were on a plane...

1. Kanye West,
2. Bill Gates,
3. Donald Trump,
4. Joe Biden,
5. and a school girl

Suddenly the plane developed a technical snag and only 4 parachutes were available.

Kanye says, "I am world's greatest talent. I must live." He takes a parachute and jumps.

Gates say...

Joe Biden is not my president. I didn't vote for him!!!

No seriously guys he's not my president. Im from Nepal. I didn't vote for him.

P.S. Congrats US for taking the first step towards undoing the 4 years of chaos.

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