Jan 22. 2021, Washington DC A guy goes up to a guard at the White House and says "How do I get in to see President Trump?"

The guard says "Didn't you hear? Trump isn't president any more. Biden is president." The guy walks away.

Next day, same guy goes up to the same guard and asks again:

"How do I get in to see President Trump?" And the guard says "Sir, I told you yesterday, Trump isn't president any ...

Why were there so few capitol police during Jan 6th riots?

Well you can’t make them work when they already booked the day off to attend the protest!

The master plan the terrorists had drafted for Jan 6th

Here's the plan the terrorists came up with that seemed to have worked so brilliantly for everything else they had seen in the internet:

1. Storm the Capitol

2. ???

3. Profit

Wanna hear a clean joke? jan took a bath with bubbles..

Wanna hear a dirty joke? bubbles was her neighbor.

I bet a lot of people are going to be born Jan 12th.

Since everyone is egg hunting right now

I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, De...

Jan Michael Vincent died a month ago.

Luckily there are 7 more.

On my cake day a joke about cake...

A father is dying. All of his children stand around his bed. The smell of cake comes from the kitchen. The father says to Jan: "Please get me a piece of cake before I die..."

Jan goes and comes back straight away: "Mom said it was for after the funeral!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why People Hate School Re-Unions

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school.

 They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in grey ...

I've not been laid all year!

With all the lock downs and social distancing this has nothing to do with it being Jan 1st..

So Jan gets a job driving a school bus.

The first day of school, Jan is given the bus she's to drive. She's driving an elementary-school route, so the inside of the bus has been decked out with Sesame Street characters; muppets pasted on every wall. Jan shrugs and gets started on her route.

The first kid is a super fat little girl...

The Twelve Thank You Notes Of Christmas

Dec 25

My dearest darling Edward,

What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.

Your deeply loving,

Emily

Dec 26

Beloved Edward,...

Shouting “Jumanji” at New Year didn’t work.

New plan: Shout “Covfefe” at midnight on Jan 20.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A classic South African van der Merwe joke

Jan van de Merwe is a South African farmer and he really wants a shiny new tractor but he can't afford it! So he makes a plan: he is going to win the lottery and use the money to buy a new tractor. He is also a religious man, so every night before going to sleep he kneels by his bed and prays:
...

a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates.

a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed. (Angel : A, Person : P)
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can ac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Midwest Diary...

Aug. 1

Moved to our new home in Chicago. It is so beautiful here.

The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered

with snow. I LOVE IT HERE!

Oct. 14

Chicago is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are

turning all different colo...

Ironic isn't it

Ironic how Jan-worry and Febr-worry are the only two months in 2020 without worry.

Classic Joke with a twist

On dec 31 I am going to say “People ask me what I am going to do in one minute but I don’t have 2020 vision” then on Jan 1 I am going to say “hindsight 2020 that joke was garbage “

A priest, a holy roller and a rabbi have a contest to convert a bear to their religion

The rabbi tries first. The priest and holy roller end up visiting him in the hospital.

The priest says "Maybe I shouldn't have *begun* with circumcision."

-Garrison Keillor, News From Lake Wobegone, Jan 21, 2017

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England.

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 Jan of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.

But as we k...

True fact

Important Notice :

It's recommended to regular morning walkers to avoid morning walk from 1st to 5th Jan 2019...

Heavy crowd of resolutionary people is expected during this period.

*Situation will get normal from 6th Jan.*

Theresa May's driver has an accident

Theresa May is touring Perthshire in the Prime Minister's chauffeur driven car. Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Theresa in her usual raspy manner, says to the chauffeur: "You get out and check - you were driving." The chauffeur gets out...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Am I too late for a Belgian joke?

It's World War I, now 100 years ago. A Belgian unit is hidden in it's trenches about 50m of German soldiers in theirs. After weeks of heavy shootings and minor progressions the Belgian colonel comes up with an idea. He says: "Guys, I've got a plan. Watch me!" and he takes position. He raises his voi...

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