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Instagram Jokes

What is a thousand times better than Instagram?

Instakilogram

Your welcome

Her (On Tinder): I'm a model on Instagram! What do you do?

Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.

This Facebook & Instagram being down is so frustrating

I had to drive to 30 different peoples houses to find out what they had for dinner and to find out why COVID is fake.

What kind of Instagram user would COVID-19 be?

An Influenza

I think Instagram made me sick

I got a bad case of influencer

My girlfriend's gynaecologist followed her on Instagram yesterday.

I really don't know what else he wants to see.

Instagram models’ beauty is so intense, it causes

Reality to bend around them

If you spend enough time on Instagram or Reddit or reels…

… eventually you will see images of scantily clad older women and even some men, asking your opinion of them. This is not good, there comes a time when less is not better. UNLESS, you can profit from it. For example, in my case I found that walking around naked in my backyard has produced tall pri...

What's the difference between Reddit and Instagram?

Reddit fills your mind with thoughts.

Instagram fills your mind with thots.

Ah, “Instagram influencers”...

...I remember back when they were simply called hookers

Instagram causes depression in teenage girls...

...just like everything else.

How do Instagram models get paid?

Per DM

Reddit is kinda like Instagram, I hate to say

Nobody cares unless you show your cake

I told my friends I am an Instagram Model

‘Unemployed’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it

I uninstalled Facebook as I got depressed seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage.

I uninstalled LinkedIn as I got depressed seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion.

I uninstalled instagram as I got depressed seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.

But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .

Instagram and Chrome are going shopping

Instagram: Aren’t you going to buy anything?

Chrome: Nah, I’m a browser.

My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands.

With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son: Dad, why is my newborn sister named instagram?

Dad: Because your mom loves instagram and I found out that she spends enormous amounts of time on it. So, it was my way to get her off her addiction.

Son: Ok Dad, Thank you.

Dad: You're welcome.
Now go to your room, Pornhub.

What happened when the flu joined instagram?

She became an influenza!

What do you call 1,000 Instagram accounts?

Instakilograms

Why do Instagram influencers enjoy shopping at Walmart so much?

They just can't get enough of the self-checkout.

It’s amazing how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn’t think they liked the metric system.

She posted “thinking about him” on her instagram story

& all 17 of us felt special.

I use Instagram

My grandmother is on speed dial

Back in the day, Instagram just meant

**a really efficient drug dealer.**

Why is reddit better than facebook and instagram?

Because you dont need a life to use it

Whenever I see Instagram models working out, I am inspired to do my own workout.

Unfortunately, it's only for my left arm.

Why does Voldemort prefer Instagram over Facebook?

'Cause he has only followers and no friends.

The Gynecologist of my wife started following her on Instagram.

I wonder, what more he wants to see...

COVID now has am Instagram account

It's a social influenza

I got banned from Instagram for posting food pictures

Apparently they only want to see the food "Before" you eat it, not "After"

I never understood why Mark Zuckerberg bought Instagram for $1 billion dollars.

What an idiot. He could’ve just gotten it for free on the App Store.

Instagram is the best app

For posting things that went viral on reddit a week ago

Three Instagram influencers walk into a bar...

...I know this because I just saw their story.

Why was Pingu banned from Instagram?

He was posting noots.

I tried putting my motherboard on Instagram

But it wouldn't post.

When an instagram guy shows you a meme

Lol, I already reddit.

Boris turns to his friend Sergei and says, “I see you have been doing the Instagram and Twitters.”

Yes, I’ve gotten quite good. I am what you call a Socialist, no?” Replies Sergei.
“Sergei no, no. That is not Socialist. Soci-“
Sergei interrupted “Yes I am going professional on social media’s. I am Socialist.”
“Yes, your on the Twitter and Instagrams.” Reassured Boris.
Yes, Sergei nodd...

If you could choose between Reddit and Instagram...

Which award would you get first?

Comparing the number of Instagram hashtags for #apple and #orange

really is apples and oranges

An Instagram influencer walks into a bar

They were too busy taking selfies.

What is the equivalent of being a model at Instagram?

Being a millionaire in Monopoly.

I like my cigarettes like my Instagram.

\#nofilter

I was very disappointed when i signed up for Instagram....

I thought it was a cocaine delivery service!

Is 3 followers a lot?

On Instagram? No. In a dark forest? Yes.

What do you call Grand Central Station holding an Instagram convention?

Too many trains of Thot.

How many Instagram models does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, they hold the light bulb up and the world revolves around them.

What does a Instagram teenager do for his history report?

Lincoln bio

What app do you get, when you download instagram a thousand times?

Instakilo

I saw something really interesting on Instagram recently

Said no one ever.

Sign above an Instagram entrepreneur's door:

"Carpe DM"

Give a man a fish, and he’ll Instagram it...

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll still Instagram it.

What do you call an overweight bounty droid who moonlights as an Instagram influencer?

An IG unit.

A picture of an egg on Instagram got more likes than Kylie Jenner...

...I guess you could say the egg beat her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was offered sex with a 24 year old Instagram model last night. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in lemon scent or vanilla.

The new Vietnamese restaurant was getting great reviews, so I decided to try it

Clearly the word had spread, as when I got there, hundreds of people were already waiting to get in. The line went all the way around the block. Some people got there hours before the place even opened. I thought about just going somewhere else, but I figured if it was that popular, the food must be...

My girlfriend, an Instagram model, asked me to go to the store. She said to get groceries and nothing else.

Just food for thot.

YouTube, Reddit and Instagram walk into a bar...

All of them make fools of the themselves vying for the attention of everyone in the bar.

Why did Kim Jong Un Instagram his missile?

It was the only way he could send it.

What did the r/memer say to his Instagram meme friend when he was showing him old memes?

I’ve reddit

They're finally cracking down on Instagram pages that promote white-supremacy...

or as I like to call them: gram-crackers.

Why do doctors hate popular Instagram accounts that only post in the spring?

Because they're seasonal influencers!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an aggressive reptile that likes to start shit with people on Instagram?

An instigator.

Why was the Instagram star so bad at making coffee?

Because she used #nofilter

I've made this new photo app and it's a thousand times better than Instagram.

It's called Instakilo

For all you men dreaming of elaborate ways of hooking up with an Instagram model, all it took me was a good dinner date....

Just some food for thot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at an important job interview today..

"Are you on facebook?" I was asked.

"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.

"Twitter?"

"Nope."

"Instagram?"

"Nah."

"Look, just put your fucking phone away, will you!?"

Priests nowadays...

...have embraced technology. The have youtube channels, twitter, facebook and instagram accounts. And they just don't exorcise anymore, they uninstall demos.

20 minutes

Late at night, a cop was driving past a well known lover’s spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light on.

The cop drives up to the car, to get a closer look.
He sees a young man behind the wheel, browsing his phone, and a young woman in the rear seat, also browsing her phone....

What do you call an app that delivers drugs to you, whenever you need it?

Instagram.





I just thought of this while scrolling Reddit and i just had to post it

What’s the unit of measure for social influence?

Instagrams

What happens when you crash your new Kia?

You end up with NoKia

(credit to someone on Instagram)

Broke my finger today.

But on the other hand, I'm fine!


(credit to @dadsaysjokes on instagram)

How do you weigh a millennial?

In instagrams.

How does a Millennial weight themselves?

In Instagrams







eta: yes, I saw the typo in the subject, about .01 after I hit "post", of course. Oh well! C'est la vie.

I put some instant ramen on my grandma today...

I call it Instagram.

If a woman marries a man with grandkids

Does she become an Instagram?

How do you get onlyfans for free after October?

Use Instagram

They say that going to school is important

but becoming a instagram model is importanter!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roses are red, violets are blue

Pornhub's down, your Instagram will do.

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