UPJOKE

Single Handed Jokes

my great grandfather single handedly took down 97 german planes in WW2

Easily the worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had

I am single handedly the best counter

But I can only get to 5. . .

I fought an erection this morning

Beat it single handed.

My grandfather was in the Hungarian army and killed 54 men single handedly

He was a cook

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Pornhub promised to plant 1 tree for every 100 views. Guess what I will do.

I will single handedly save the plant.

I’m sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She’s single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

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I got into a fight with my boner this morning:

Don't worry, I beat it single handedly

A new girlfriend asked me "How did you manage to stay single for so long?"

Single Handedly

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NSFW

My girlfriend said she'd leave me if I didn't stop masturbating.


I'm single handedly destroying my love life.

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Appolcolypse

A zombie apocalypse had enveloped the earth. 99.9% of the world’s population had been annihilated and Carl, lone survivor, was venturing the land looking for somewhere to take shelter.

One day, he came across a prison. The place was full of people armed with swords, spears, axes and all kin...

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I'm handling my porn collection....

Single handedly.

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3 cowboys are sitting around a campfire bragging about all the adventures they’ve had over the years.

The first cowboy says, “I’ve gotta be the toughest cowboy out there. Just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and killed 3 men and I single handedly wrestled that bull to the ground.”

The second cowboy says, “that’s nothing. About 2 weeks ago I found this huge rattlesnake, so I grabb...

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I grew up in a small village...

...where I pretty much laid all the new roads in the place but was I known as Mikey the road layer?

No.

I single handedly built three bridges across the river there connecting the two sides of the village for the first time ever. Was I known as Mikey the bridge builder?

No....

Have you heard about the one-armed super hero?

He single handedly stops crime.

I had a dream last night that I was fighting an erection.

I was able to beat it off single handedly

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My therapist says im addicted to masturbation...

I vowed to beat it single handedly!

I Currently Teach a Class about Suicide

First Semester has been good so far, I Single Handedly Prevented the entire class from having suicidal thoughts or actually going through with it.

I Promised the class that I would do a suicide demonstration to show the perspective of a dead person. Ill be posting my experience in a few minut...

My colleague offered to help me filter adult contents from more than a thousand hours of video.

Nah, thanks. I'm gonna do it single handedly

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Hitler was a hero...

He single handedly ended the Holocaust, and killed one of the most evil people from history!

No matter what one says about Putin

It's tough running two countries single handedly

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It is just before Scotland v England in the Euro’s Group game.

Kane goes into the English changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're shite and we can't be bothered".

Kane looks at the...

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Who's the toughest

A group of old men were sitting at the local VFW, downing beers and trading war stories.

They were joined by another old man, who was new to their club, so they took their turns trying to prove who was the toughest.

First the Navy guy stood up: "I was on the USS Indianapolis, when it g...

TIL: Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship.

He did it single handedly too.

He was a bit out of breath afterwards though.

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Injured Pirate Captain

An old pirate captain was having a talk with a young pirate captain out on the docks.

They joked for a bit until the young captain gets the courage to ask: “What happened to your leg?”

The old captain was eager to respond: “Oh this ‘ere leg? Well ye see lad, I was in a chase with an en...

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