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Illus Jokes

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My girlfriend once caught me masturbating to an optical illusion.

I told her “it’s not what it looks like”.

The other day I learned about the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which is when increased awareness of something causes you to create the illusion of it happening more frequently

I’ve been seeing a lot more examples of it lately

Did you hear that Uri Geller planned to elevate the whole of London in what was to be the most expensive illusion ever performed?

He couldn't raise the capital.

Have you ever heard of the illusion of choice?

Never mind, of course you have.

Why were Loki's powers centered around creating illusions?

It allows him to be low-key with his mischiefs.

Every single currency in this world is just an illusion, a social construct

but Brazil's real.

The cheese industry is led by an illusive, secret cabal

They're called the Hallouminati

My mate and I robbed a bank. The cops chasing us were under the illusion that we were dressed as animals.

Every few seconds they kept shouting "Furries!"

My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with optical illusions.

I told her, "Wait! This isn't what you think it is!"

Did you hear about the magician that only performed illusions with chocolate?

He always had a few Twix up his sleeves.

My Dad was a professional magician who performed all the classic illusions. He used to practice the well-known, "Sawing a person in two" trick using us kids.

He always loved to halve his family in the act.

Courtesy of my 11-year-old: Dad, what's the difference between a humorous reference and an imaginary bread?

One is a wry allusion and the other is a rye illusion.

What do you call a man who gives a woman the illusion of entitlement?

A Husband...

Non-duality humour

Why do Buddhists only store their books in drawers?

Because they believe the shelf is an illusion.

When one illusionist accuses another one of stealing one of his tricks...

It's up to the accuser to provide evidence before the magician's counsil that he came up with the illusion first.
It's called the burden of poof.

What do you call a successfull mirage?

An *optimal* illusion

What do Telltale Games & the U.S. have in common?

The illusion of choice.

When I was little I wanted to be a magician, but I don't anymore.

I lost my illusions.

A man went searching for the perfect joke...

He went to the best comedy clubs in his city and listened for days. He heard some great things, but nothing he could call perfect.

 

He journeyed to Hollywood, and tracked down the best comedic actors and screenwriters. Each one, eager for the honor of creating the perfect jok...

A mime once nearly had me convinced that a wall was actually there...

...but it was just an obstacle illusion.

Did you ever hear of Juan the Magnificent?

Juan was just a young man growing up in rural Mexico. He felt he had little chance to grow up and do anything of importance or recognition. He'd grow up and work the land. The same as his father and his grandfather before him.


Until the day he saw the great magician Harry Houdini.

...

GOB Bluth started his own school for young magicians

For the second class, he decided to teach the children some of the classic transformation illusions. He showed them flowers-to-doves, doves-to-rabbits, and rabbits-to-carp.

Then he showed them carp-to-rats and his most enthusiastic student asked, "Does it have to be carp and rats, Uncle GOB? ...

A down on his luck magician takes a job on a cruise ship

and the captain has a parrot. Every time the magician does a trick the parrot squawks out the secret "Raawwwt he hid it in his sleeve" or "He's hidden behind the mirror. He's hidden behind the mirror Raaaaawttt!" thus always ruining the illusion.

One day the ship sinks and the magician finds ...

A magician performs on a cruise

A magician is performing on a cruise when one of the rich clients comes in with her pet parrot. He disappears one of the assistants from the stage and the parrot inmediately explains how it was done. Infuriated, he asks the woman to leave the premises.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry". She says. "My ...

A magic show...

Two friends, Bob and Hank, are watching a magician perform. Mildly amused by the standard tricks and illusions they have seen so far, their attention perks up when they see the beautiful assistant come out from behind the curtain for the “saw the lady in half” trick. As she is climbing into the box,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Holmes and Watson go out camping.

Sherlock Holmes and his good friend Dr. Watson decide to make a trip to the countryside and go camping.

In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up Watson and asks him:

"John, look up at the sky. What do you see?"

Watson, still sleepy, slowly arranges his thoughts:
"The... ...

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