UPJOKE
gsmandroidiphone 4ssteve jobsapp storeipadnokiaiphone 5iphone 6multi-touchiphone 4iphone 5ciphone xiphone setouchscreen

I Phone Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.

A kid answered, called me a cunt then hung up.

I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

I phoned up my local take away and asked for a kebab.

I said: do you deliver? The guy said no, just lamb or chicken!

I phoned my wife.

I said, "I've got something to tell you, but it's hard to say."

She said nervously "Go on."

I said. "Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead."

I phoned my work this morning...

I phoned my work this morning and said, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough."

He said, "You have a wee cough?"

I said, "Really? Cheers boss, see you next week

I phoned my boss to say I was sick

He said: "How sick are you?"

I said: "Well, I'm in bed with my sister"

I phone 6 men to tell them a pun

but none of them picked up on it.

So I phoned the Amputee Hotline the other day

I got cut-off.

I phoned up the wine shop.

I said, "Hi, there! Do you guys do deliveries?"

He said, "Yes, sir, of course—and we'd be glad to do one for you."

"Superb," I said. "Because I've got a Domino's Pizza ready to be picked up."

My friend just phoned and asked me if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent...

My friend just phoned and asked me if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent... And you know me always willing to help my friends and family out... I told her..."give me a minute let me check my account and I'll phone u right back." Before I could check my account my friend's mom phones and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the I phone x the first phone an orphan gets?

Because there is no home button

i phone

Son: I want an iPhone X for Christmas


Dad: What's the magic word?


Son: Karen


Dad: Who's Karen.


Son: The woman that comes over when I'm asleep and mum is out...


Dad: ...


Son: ...


Dad: You want a case with that ...

I phoned the local gym and asked if they could teach me to do the splits.

The receptionist asked, "How flexible are you?"

I answered, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

I phoned the Drugs Awareness helpline today.

"Can I speak to the Cocaine Councillor please" I asked. "You'll have to wait" he replied,"he's on another line."

I phoned in sick today

"Exactly how sick are you?"
"Well, I'm in bed with my 12 year old niece."

So I phoned the drugs helpline and the voice on the phone said " For advice on cannabis"

Press 'hash'

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.