Intolerant Jokes - 86 Hilarious Intolerant Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m lactose intolerant and…

Last night, I decided to have ice cream, just for shits.

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.

What do you call a lactose intolerant music artist?

Post Provolone

I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me.

She was lack-toes intolerant.

I broke up with a girl who was missing a few toes

Because I am lack-toes-intolerant.

People who don’t eat cheese because they are lactose intolerant…

…need to learn to be more accepting of different cultures

My wife is lactose intolerant...

so whenever she drinks milkshakes, it gives her the milk shakes.

What do you have if you're intolerant to cheese?

You have allercheese.

What do you call a lactose-intolerant person’s farts?

Their dairy-air

What do you call a gluten intolerant duck?

Coeliquack

I think Ponyboy from the Outsiders was lactose intolerant

He didn’t like Darry

what’s it called when someone who’s lactose intolerant still likes eating cheese?

BrieDSM

What do lactose intolerant people call a collection of meat and cheese?

A shart tootery board

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .

I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant...

He seems to eat a lot of Derry

I'm not saying I'm gluten intolerant...

...I just wouldn't want it dating my daughter.

A man threw some milk at my lactose intolerant friend

How Dairy!!!!

Sorry if that was a bit cheesy:)

What is a lactose intolerant ativaxxer's worst nightmare?

Big Parma

I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant.

We don't have to pose for pictures.

My wife teases me with ice cream bc she knows I’m lactose intolerant.

She really milks it too.

They say life is like a box of chocolates...

And I'm lactose intolerant.

As an intolerant dyslexic sports enthusiast...

I really hate all transrefs coming between seasons in college football.

My wife left me because I use only one brand for my clothes, sportswear and perfumes.

Turns out she's Lacoste intolerant.

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

What did the vegetarian body builder say after he found out he was gluten intolerant?

There ain't no whey!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think i'm lactose intolerant

I've had 6 milkshakes today and feel like crap.

I need to get a valentine's card for my lactose intolerant wife

But they're all too cheesy

My wife left me after I've had front parts of my feet sawn off.

Turns out she's lack toes intolerant.

Unpopular opinion: People criticizing Alabama's new abortion laws are ignorant and intolerant

It's a family matter for them, after all.

Did you hear about the depressed lactose-intolerant woman?

She committed soya-cide.

Joke by my 4 year old nephew, please try not to downvote. It made me laugh when he said it though.

Nephew: are you gluten intolerant?

Me(surprised he knew about gluten): yes I am, sweetheart

Nephew: how intolerant of you

When I was a kid I was diagnosed as gluten intolerant.

When I misbehaved my mom would make me eat a bunch of white bread. A gluten for punishment kind of thing.

I started dating a guy, but then I found out he lost all of his toes in a freak work accident

Unfortunately, I'm lack toes intolerant.

(This joke inspired by an 8 year old)

I was on a date recently with a girl who told me she was missing her big toes.

I ended it on the spot. I'm lack toes intolerant.

TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant

Whoops, wrong sub.

Why did the girl break off with the frostbitten mountain climber?

She was lack-toes intolerant.

(P.S. "DAAaa-a-a-a-aad!! Ugh!")

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

A Vegan who is also gluten intolerant walks up to you. What is the first thing they say to you?

"I crossfit"

I had to break up with my girlfriend after I ran over her feet with a lawnmower...

I'm lactose intolerant.

I won't stand for people with less than 10 digits on their feet.

I'm lack toes intolerant.

My friend told me he can’t drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said “No whey!”

Why did the dyslexic refuse to wear a polo shirt?

Because he was Lacoste intolerant.

My new coworker is missing some toes. I dont like him.

I am Lacktoes Intolerant.

I once had a girlfriend who lost half her foot in a terrible car accident. I had to break up with her though

Because I'm lack toes intolerant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got into a street fight with the dairy cartel...

...Being lactose intolerant, I immediately knew shit was about to go down.

A young man went in to a restaurant and ordered a standard eggs, bacon, toast and coffee breakfast. The server told him they were out of bread, would he like a biscuit...

So he got the biscuit instead. After eating, he headed home, but started to feel bad. His stomach was cramping and he was gassy. Why?

He was Lack Toast Intolerant!

You've been Dad joked on Father's day! Happy father's day fellow dad's!

I recently told my doctor that I cannot deal with people without feet.

He says I'm lack toes intolerant.

It's fine though, because from what I hear, they cannot stand themselves.

So did you hear the one about the guy that would scream and yell about losing his foot?

Turns out on top of being diabetic he was lacktoes intolerant

A man is talking to a woman and he asks for a fun fact about her. she tells him "I am missing all my toes". the man says, "I'm sorry but I can't date you". The woman asks why and the man responds:

I am lactose intolerant.

What do you call a klansman with a foot fetish?

Black toes intolerant

Was my last joke too cheesy for y'all?

Or are y'all just laugh-tose intolerant?

A women goes into see her doctor

She says to her doctor "ever since my husband had a accident and lost all of his toes on his left foot I feel sick when I am around him " , ahh said the doctor I know what the problem is you are lack toes intolerant .

What do you call someone that hates when he doesn’t have toast

Lack-toast-intolerant

Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...

I guess I’m black toast intolerant.

A skeleton walked into a bar…

The bartender slides him a glass of milk and the skeleton says:

“Really Jerry? I’ve known you for 20 years and you do this?”

The bartender replies:

“Oh sorry, I thought it would be funny. You know being a skeleton and all…”

To which the skeleton respond:

“What no. ...

What’s the difference between somebody who doesn’t drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

Scientists recently have been doing some new studies with the mummy of Egypt's famous boy king.

With the aid of highly advanced mri scans they were able to ascertain he suffered from a major gastro intestinal disorder. Apparently he was lactose intolerant. So it turns out, me and the Egyptian kid got a toot in common

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy tracked down his long lost father and arranged to meet him at a dairy queen.

He got there and they started to hit it off.

Everything was going really well, they were bonding and getting to know each other.

Then my buddy’s dad explained how he lost both his feet during the war.

My buddy lost his shit, went crazy, started throwing things and was thrown o...

I've got a foot fetish, but they have to have all ten toes...

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

What do you call a guy that's mad about his feet getting run over?

Lack-toes intolerant

What’s the difference between someone who can’t eat cheese, and someone who hates amputees?

Ones lactose intolerant, the other is lack-toes intolerant

I didn't have any toast this morning, and I'm very angry about it.

I think I might be lack toast intolerant.

What do you call it when someone can’t stomach being around a person with less than 10-toes?

Lack Toes Intolerant

A man came walking up to me with two peg legs, so I punched him in the face.

I’m lack toes intolerant.

Cursed Warning

High-Lactose Cheeses are just minigun ammo for Lactose Intolerant people

Did you hear about the amputee who nearly died from an allergic reaction?

Apparently he was lack-toes intolerant.

Why have there been no alien sightings in our galaxy yet?

They're lactose intolerant

The two medical examiners

A seasoned medical examiner brings his new trainee to their very first crime scene. The grizzled veteran tells the rookie that “this is a messy one – are you sure you can handle it?”

The rookie says “of course – I’ve got this.”

So they go in and it is a mess. All sorts of human bits an...

I would give you guys a cheesy joke

But you're probably lactose intolerant.

My brother said he can't date someone without feet.

I guess he is lack-toes-intolerant.

I’m allergic to crocodiles on t-shirts

I’m lacoste intolerant

My friend refuses to wear clothes with crocodiles on them...

... he’s Lacoste intolerant

I was having random bouts of diarrhea...

Couldn't figure out what the hell was causing it.

Then I started keeping track. I realized it was only happening when I would wear those polo shirts with the little alligator stitched on them.

Turns out I'm Lacoste intolerant.

A few months ago my friend lost three toes in a work accident. Today his wife left him because she said that she couldn’t handle it....

.....I guess she was lack toes intolerant.

I try to be cheesy when I make jokes.

Unfortunately, everyone I know is laughtose intolerant.

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Allergic to crying

I had to break up with my girlfriend because she cried too much and it set off my allergies.

Apparently I'm lachrymose intolerant.

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

I cut off the end of my foot but the Doctor wouldn’t treat me.

Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.

What do you call a galaxy that's allergic to milk?

Galactose intolerant.

My buddy was in a motorcycle accident and lost half his foot. So now he's handicapped. He's still the same guy, but I just can't hang out with him anymore. So I realized something important about myself.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

There are only 2 things I hate in this world:

1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures
2. The French

My doctor advised me against eating very burnt bread

I’m black toast intolerant

It was only after the accident, which left the mans feet severely injured that their marriage turned sour.

Unbeknownst him he had married someone who was lack-toes intolerant

A joke my grandpa told me

I was in the army a few years ago i was walking by the medical tent when this guy said he got hi toes blown off by a mine and asked if i wanted to see them i agreed. He took off his boot and i puked everywhere he said what's wrong boy you lack toes intolerant

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