I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.

What did the vegetarian body builder say after he found out he was gluten intolerant?

There ain't no whey!

Did you hear about lactose intolerant terrorist?

He has explosive diarrhea

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .


I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.

A man threw some milk at my lactose intolerant friend

How Dairy!!!!

Sorry if that was a bit cheesy:)

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

What is a lactose intolerant ativaxxer's worst nightmare?

Big Parma

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a lactose intolerant pornstar...

A non-dairy creamer.

I'm not saying I'm gluten intolerant...

...I just wouldn't want it dating my daughter.

My grandfather hated people with deformed feet

He was lack toes intolerant.

Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...

I guess I’m black toast intolerant.

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

I need to get a valentine's card for my lactose intolerant wife

But they're all too cheesy

What phrase freaks out a gluten intolerant Soviet the most?

Gluten Tag.

Unpopular opinion: People criticizing Alabama's new abortion laws are ignorant and intolerant

It's a family matter for them, after all.

I had a friend who lost a toe in an accident.

We aren't friends any more, I'm extremely lack toes intolerant.

Allergic to crying

I had to break up with my girlfriend because she cried too much and it set off my allergies.


Apparently I'm lachrymose intolerant.

I met an atractive woman who lost both of her feet in an accident.

I never did ask her out though because I'm lack toes intolerant.

My friend told me he can’t drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said “No whey!”

My friend refuses to wear clothes with crocodiles on them...

... he’s Lacoste intolerant

I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant...

He seems to eat a lot of Derry

I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant.

We don't have to pose for pictures.

As an intolerant dyslexic sports enthusiast...

I really hate all transrefs coming between seasons in college football.

A Vegan who is also gluten intolerant walks up to you. What is the first thing they say to you?

"I crossfit"

My friend walked out on his date when she told him she had a deformed foot.

I told him he shouldn't be lack toes intolerant.

TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant

Whoops, wrong sub.

None of my friends seem to care that I'm lactose intolerant

But tell them I'm racist and they all flip out.

Joke by my 4 year old nephew, please try not to downvote. It made me laugh when he said it though.

Nephew: are you gluten intolerant?


Me(surprised he knew about gluten): yes I am, sweetheart


Nephew: how intolerant of you

When I was a kid I was diagnosed as gluten intolerant.

When I misbehaved my mom would make me eat a bunch of white bread. A gluten for punishment kind of thing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think i'm lactose intolerant

I've had 6 milkshakes today and feel like crap.

A man was arrested today for assaulting a legless man on the subway.

Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.

I try to be cheesy when I make jokes.

Unfortunately, everyone I know is laughtose intolerant.

Did you hear about the depressed lactose-intolerant woman?

She committed soya-cide.

What’s the difference between somebody who doesn’t drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

A few months ago my friend lost three toes in a work accident. Today his wife left him because she said that she couldn’t handle it....

.....I guess she was lack toes intolerant.

What do you call someone who hates people with missing toes?

Lactose intolerant

The Outsiders: Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant?

He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop.

So this guy absolutely hated pirates...

He wouldn't have anything to do with them. Eventually, we realized it wasn't all pirates. Just peg-leg pirates. Actually, it was anybody who had lost a lower limb. We later discovered he was lack-toes intolerant.

A friend of mine hates people with no feet

Hes lack-toes intolerant

Life is like a box of chocolate

Lactose intolerant people aren't allowed

A joke my grandpa told me

I was in the army a few years ago i was walking by the medical tent when this guy said he got hi toes blown off by a mine and asked if i wanted to see them i agreed. He took off his boot and i puked everywhere he said what's wrong boy you lack toes intolerant

My buddy was in a bad motorcycle accident, and while he was hospitalized, he had to have one of his feet amputated...

Once his girlfriend found out about the surgery, she immediately left him. Turns out she was Lack Toes intolerant.

The ghost of Ronald Reagan floats into a man's house

As he walks through the wall the man exclaims to his friend 'look dude! Holy s**t its Ronald Reagan! Head on upstairs Mr Reagan you can haunt the attic!'

A few minutes later another ghost floats in, this time its David Bowie. Again the guy yells in excitement 'Dude! It's David Bowie! Mr Bowie...

No-Toe Joe was the restaurant's best waiter

Something of a local attraction, he wore flip-flops to show off his signature missing digits. Despite those, however, he was a fast worker, efficient, personable, and a generally great guy. Everyone loved to work with him, and everyone loved being served by him.

Well, almost everyone.

...

My doctor advised me against eating very burnt bread

I’m black toast intolerant

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

So, I went to one of those new axe-throwing bars this weekend.

Expectedly, they make you sign a waiver and listen to an employee give a brief safety demonstration.

She got to the part where she emphasized to not drop the axes, as the establishment is not a fan of people missing toes. I can relate.

I, too, am lack-toes intolerant.

It was only after the accident, which left the mans feet severely injured that their marriage turned sour.

Unbeknownst him he had married someone who was lack-toes intolerant

I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me.

She was lack-toes intolerant.

My buddy was in a motorcycle accident and lost half his foot. So now he's handicapped. He's still the same guy, but I just can't hang out with him anymore. So I realized something important about myself.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

When space travel is affordable I will leave the Milky Way galaxy and move to the Soy Milky Way.

You could say that I'm galactose intolerant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the waiter

So a customer says to the waiter, "I'm a vegetarian, I'm allergic to gluten, I don't eat carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and I'm allergic to nuts. What should I get?"

And the waiter says, "... the fuck out."

Why'd the cheese factory fire the guy with no toes?

They were lack toes intolerant.

What’s the difference between someone who can’t eat cheese, and someone who hates amputees?

Ones lactose intolerant, the other is lack-toes intolerant

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe

Apparently she's lactose intolerant.

There are only 2 things I hate in this world:

1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures
2. The French

If I stay at someone's house and they don't have any bread available come breakfast time I will refuse to stay any longer

I'm lack toast intolerant

Crocodiles. He hate them.

Ever since his father was killed by a crocodile, my cousin couldn't stand the sight of crocodiles. Whether its TV, in pictures or even stuffed animals.

He can't even stand the crocodile on brand logos. He's just become very Lacost-intolerant.

What do you call a racist with celiac’s disease?

Black toast intolerant.

I had to breakup with my girlfriend

After she lost her toes in a climbing accident.

Afterall I am lac-toes intolerant.

What do you call a galaxy that's allergic to milk?

Galactose intolerant.

I've been avoiding this guy who lost all his toes in a freak knife accident.

When he asked me why, I told him its because I'm lack toes intolerant.

A lot of my friends are not a fan of my cheesy jokes

I think they're just laughtose intolerant.

One of my friends is a nurse who used to throw up everytime someone with no feet came into her ward.

Turns out she was lack toes intolerant.

I cut off the end of my foot but the Doctor wouldn’t treat me.

Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.

I just met a really cool girl, but I won't date her because she has no feet...

I guess you could say I'm "lack toes intolerant".

Did you hear about the cannibal who could only ever finish half a person?

He was leg/toes intolerant!

An Arctic explorer gets frostbite

And looses the toes off both feet whilst on an expedition.

After he returns home he starts having relationship problems with his wife. He can't understand it as they had been happily married for years before his injuries.

She behaves really unreasonably and won't put up with anything t...

Why did the amputee have to sue to walk into the bar?

The owner was lack-toes-intolerant.

This joke was brought to you by literally every other post in r/boneappletea.

So did you hear the one about the guy that would scream and yell about losing his foot?

Turns out on top of being diabetic he was lacktoes intolerant

Our one-year-old throws a complete fit if his breakfast doesn't include toast.

We think he might be lack toast intolerant.

2 cannibals sifting through a funeral pyre looking for any remains.

One of them finds a foot, and asks

" jackpot! do you want some."

"No Thanks"

The other one shouts back

"I'm Blacktoes intolerant"

My friend stopped talking to me after I lost 3 of my toes to frost bite.

I didn’t know he was lack toes intolerant.

I hate when people have missing toes!

You might even say I'm...lack toes intolerant.

(Is this a dad joke? The gf is pretty baby crazy lately and i dont know if im ready yet)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A researcher was conducting a study on the effects of gore across various cultures

He selected an American, a European, and a Japanese man. To see the reactions of these people, he used a picture of a man with his toes freshly amputated.

The American man seemed a bit squeamish when presented with the picture, but otherwise he was okay.

The European man wrinkled his f...

I broke up with my girlfriend after she had to have all of her toes amputated...

I told her before we started dating that I'm *lack-toes intolerant*.

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