What do you have if you're intolerant to cheese?

You have allercheese.

What do you call a lactose-intolerant person’s farts?

Their dairy-air

What do lactose intolerant people call a collection of meat and cheese?

A shart tootery board

My wife is lactose intolerant...

so whenever she drinks milkshakes, it gives her the milk shakes.

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.

What do you call a gluten intolerant duck?

Coeliquack

My wife teases me with ice cream bc she knows I’m lactose intolerant.

She really milks it too.

Why am I lactose intolerant?

Cause you lac tose enzymes

I think Ponyboy from the Outsiders was lactose intolerant

He didn’t like Darry

Why did the dyslexic refuse to wear a polo shirt?

Because he was Lacoste intolerant.

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.

What did the vegetarian body builder say after he found out he was gluten intolerant?

There ain't no whey!

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .


I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

A man threw some milk at my lactose intolerant friend

How Dairy!!!!

Sorry if that was a bit cheesy:)

What do you call a klansman with a foot fetish?

Black toes intolerant

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

What is a lactose intolerant ativaxxer's worst nightmare?

Big Parma

I'm not saying I'm gluten intolerant...

...I just wouldn't want it dating my daughter.

I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant...

He seems to eat a lot of Derry

I need to get a valentine's card for my lactose intolerant wife

But they're all too cheesy

My local independent clothing store only sells narrow fitting shoes,

I think that may be they are Fat Toes intolerant.

I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant.

We don't have to pose for pictures.

Unpopular opinion: People criticizing Alabama's new abortion laws are ignorant and intolerant

It's a family matter for them, after all.

My friend told me he can’t drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said “No whey!”

Why didn't the guy date the model with no legs?

He was lack toes intolerant

As an intolerant dyslexic sports enthusiast...

I really hate all transrefs coming between seasons in college football.

A Vegan who is also gluten intolerant walks up to you. What is the first thing they say to you?

"I crossfit"

TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant

Whoops, wrong sub.

When I was a kid I was diagnosed as gluten intolerant.

When I misbehaved my mom would make me eat a bunch of white bread. A gluten for punishment kind of thing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think i'm lactose intolerant

I've had 6 milkshakes today and feel like crap.

Was my last joke too cheesy for y'all?

Or are y'all just laugh-tose intolerant?

I was having random bouts of diarrhea...

Couldn't figure out what the hell was causing it.

Then I started keeping track. I realized it was only happening when I would wear those polo shirts with the little alligator stitched on them.

Turns out I'm Lacoste intolerant.

A friend of mine one told me: "If you want a girl to like you, use cheesy pickup lines." That didn't really work for me.

Apparently all the girls I talk to are lactose intolerant.

Did you hear about the depressed lactose-intolerant woman?

She committed soya-cide.

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

I didn't have any toast this morning, and I'm very angry about it.

I think I might be lack toast intolerant.

What do you call it when someone can’t stomach being around a person with less than 10-toes?

Lack Toes Intolerant

What do you call a guy that's mad about his feet getting run over?

Lack-toes intolerant

A man and woman are on a first date, everything is going great between them.

The man suggests they go to a local milk bar to share a milkshake, but the woman declines, saying she can’t have that stuff. Whilst searching for somewhere else to go, a car comes out of nowhere barreling towards them. The man is able to push his date out of the way, but the car runs over his foot, ...

I've got a foot fetish, but they have to have all ten toes...

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Cursed Warning

High-Lactose Cheeses are just minigun ammo for Lactose Intolerant people

I would give you guys a cheesy joke

But you're probably lactose intolerant.

Joke by my 4 year old nephew, please try not to downvote. It made me laugh when he said it though.

Nephew: are you gluten intolerant?


Me(surprised he knew about gluten): yes I am, sweetheart


Nephew: how intolerant of you

A man came walking up to me with two peg legs, so I punched him in the face.

I’m lack toes intolerant.

My brother said he can't date someone without feet.

I guess he is lack-toes-intolerant.

Why have there been no alien sightings in our galaxy yet?

They're lactose intolerant

Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...

I guess I’m black toast intolerant.

I had a friend who lost a toe in an accident.

We aren't friends any more, I'm extremely lack toes intolerant.

Did you hear about the amputee who nearly died from an allergic reaction?

Apparently he was lack-toes intolerant.

I’m allergic to crocodiles on t-shirts

I’m lacoste intolerant

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me.

She was lack-toes intolerant.

My friend refuses to wear clothes with crocodiles on them...

... he’s Lacoste intolerant

Allergic to crying

I had to break up with my girlfriend because she cried too much and it set off my allergies.


Apparently I'm lachrymose intolerant.

My buddy's wife left him after he lost his feet in a car accident.

Turned out she was lack toes intolerant.

A man was arrested today for assaulting a legless man on the subway.

Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.

My friend walked out on his date when she told him she had a deformed foot.

I told him he shouldn't be lack toes intolerant.

A few months ago my friend lost three toes in a work accident. Today his wife left him because she said that she couldn’t handle it....

.....I guess she was lack toes intolerant.

A joke my grandpa told me

I was in the army a few years ago i was walking by the medical tent when this guy said he got hi toes blown off by a mine and asked if i wanted to see them i agreed. He took off his boot and i puked everywhere he said what's wrong boy you lack toes intolerant

I try to be cheesy when I make jokes.

Unfortunately, everyone I know is laughtose intolerant.

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

My buddy was in a bad motorcycle accident, and while he was hospitalized, he had to have one of his feet amputated...

Once his girlfriend found out about the surgery, she immediately left him. Turns out she was Lack Toes intolerant.

Life is like a box of chocolate

Lactose intolerant people aren't allowed

What’s the difference between somebody who doesn’t drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

So this guy absolutely hated pirates...

He wouldn't have anything to do with them. Eventually, we realized it wasn't all pirates. Just peg-leg pirates. Actually, it was anybody who had lost a lower limb. We later discovered he was lack-toes intolerant.

No-Toe Joe was the restaurant's best waiter

Something of a local attraction, he wore flip-flops to show off his signature missing digits. Despite those, however, he was a fast worker, efficient, personable, and a generally great guy. Everyone loved to work with him, and everyone loved being served by him.

Well, almost everyone.

...

The ghost of Ronald Reagan floats into a man's house

As he walks through the wall the man exclaims to his friend 'look dude! Holy s**t its Ronald Reagan! Head on upstairs Mr Reagan you can haunt the attic!'

A few minutes later another ghost floats in, this time its David Bowie. Again the guy yells in excitement 'Dude! It's David Bowie! Mr Bowie...

My doctor advised me against eating very burnt bread

I’m black toast intolerant

My buddy was in a motorcycle accident and lost half his foot. So now he's handicapped. He's still the same guy, but I just can't hang out with him anymore. So I realized something important about myself.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

When space travel is affordable I will leave the Milky Way galaxy and move to the Soy Milky Way.

You could say that I'm galactose intolerant.

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

It was only after the accident, which left the mans feet severely injured that their marriage turned sour.

Unbeknownst him he had married someone who was lack-toes intolerant

There are only 2 things I hate in this world:

1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures
2. The French

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the waiter

So a customer says to the waiter, "I'm a vegetarian, I'm allergic to gluten, I don't eat carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and I'm allergic to nuts. What should I get?"

And the waiter says, "... the fuck out."

What do you call a galaxy that's allergic to milk?

Galactose intolerant.

What’s the difference between someone who can’t eat cheese, and someone who hates amputees?

Ones lactose intolerant, the other is lack-toes intolerant

I cut off the end of my foot but the Doctor wouldn’t treat me.

Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.

I've been avoiding this guy who lost all his toes in a freak knife accident.

When he asked me why, I told him its because I'm lack toes intolerant.

A lot of my friends are not a fan of my cheesy jokes

I think they're just laughtose intolerant.

I had to breakup with my girlfriend

After she lost her toes in a climbing accident.

Afterall I am lac-toes intolerant.

If I stay at someone's house and they don't have any bread available come breakfast time I will refuse to stay any longer

I'm lack toast intolerant

Crocodiles. He hate them.

Ever since his father was killed by a crocodile, my cousin couldn't stand the sight of crocodiles. Whether its TV, in pictures or even stuffed animals.

He can't even stand the crocodile on brand logos. He's just become very Lacost-intolerant.

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