Hook Up Jokes - 18 Hilarious Hook Up Jokes

My job allows me to hook up with as many women as I want

I love being a mortician

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online.

But it’s really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.

How do two arsonists hook up?

A Match on Tinder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman decide to hook up for the night

The man has a 2" penis, but the woman is so horny she doesn't care. After an hour of love-making, she starts getting upset because she hasn't had an orgasm yet.

The man notices notices her frustration and asks "what's wrong?"

She responds, "I've never had it take so long to have an org...

I made a web site for older people to hook up.

It's called Carbon Dating.

How do you call the site where you hook up with old women?

Instagran

If somebody is looking to hook up with a girl over 6 foot tall

They really want 2 meter

What do Whales do when they hook up?

Netflix and Krill

What’s it called when you hook up with a set of twins?

A doppelbänger

A recent survey of women on Tinder revealed that a majority of women would rather hook up with an amateur pilot than an experienced military jet pilot.

"DAMNIT!" a young airman yells as he slams his phone onto the bar.

"Tom, calm down! What's got you so riled up?" his buddy says to him.

"I just read an article that says women wanna hook up with amateur pilots over good looking pilots like us that keep the skies safe" Tom says.
...

My sound tech walked in to hook up my microphones

We got to talking and I let him know I have a few friends who are also sound techs.

“Really. Fascinating” with feigned excitement.

Yeah. One of them is German.

“Ok....”

I have a Czech one, too. A Czech one, too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't prospecters hook up on Reddit?

>!Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving miners.!<

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A Deer, trying to hook up its Deer friend with a prostitute Deer, is found negotiating very hard with a Pimp Deer on price.

When asked why, it simply says:

I’m just trying to get a bang for my buck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

A rich old man goes golfing with his friends

And he brings along a gorgeous young lady.

"Well guys, meet my new fiancée" he says, full of pride. And for the rest of the afternoon the friends can't take their eyes off the beauty.

After the round of golf the rich man goes up to the bar to order drinks for the group. One of his frie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor and a nurse hook up for a random "one-time" affair in one of the hospitals many rooms...

...As they are getting ready to "do the deed" the nurse proceeds to scrub-down from fingertips to elbows. The doctor says to her "Hey, you must be an O.R. Nurse right?" To which the nurse replies "well, yes I am, what gave me away?" The doctor says "well, it was easy, you just scrubbed down before ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best pickup line joke. Feel free to use the punchline in all your prospective hook ups.

Two guys are hanging out in a bar. One is trying to pick up women and being a smartass, the other is just a drunk.

The smartass goes up to a woman and uses his favorite pickup line. "Hey! Tickle you ass with a feather?"

The bar is loud and the woman, assuming she misheard, says "Excu...

A guy and girl go back to her place to hook up. As he goes to drop his pants, he tells her, "I just wanna let you know I'm hung like a baby...". To which she starts to quickly reply, "It's ok, I've been with someone sma....", and she stops abruptly as he drops his pants.

"What the hell?!", she said.

He said, "I tried to tell you, I'm hung like a baby. 7 lbs, 19 inches!"

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