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Homeless Person Jokes

I had five hundred Hershey Bars in my fridge and my friend had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.

That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

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I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person on the street.

He told me to fuck off and buy my own.

What's the difference between a homeless person and an art major?

About $4.32 in change.

I tried to tell a homeless person a knock knock joke...

Punch line unnecessary.

My favourite thing a about dating a homeless person?

You can drop them off anywhere afterwards

I once dated a homeless person.

It was always nice not worrying about where to drop them off.

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Did you hear about the gang of furries who savagely beat a homeless person?

Fucking animals.

I gave money to a homeless person today!

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

A man gives dollar to a homeless person

After he threw the dollar in his hat, he noticed a second hat.

The man frowned and asked: "Why do you have two hats?"

"Well, you see..." Said the wanderer. "Business is going well these days so I recently opened my second store."

Today I gave a homeless person a warm new home..

I gave him counterfeit money to buy food which got him arrested.

Now he's got a warm jail and free meals twice a day.

What do you call a content, homeless person?

A no-mad

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What is homeless person sex like?

In tents

Would You Rather Wake Up A Billionaire, Or A Homeless Person?

Probably The Homeless Person. He can't kick you out!


Thank you, I'll be here all quarantine.

What is the most useless thing you can give to a homeless person?

A postcard that says "I wish you were here"

If I had a nickel for every time a homeless person asked me for change

I would still say no.

Saw A Homeless person pushing a trolley full of horse shoes and rabbit feet

I thought to myself he's really pushing his luck

What's the first thing a homeless person does when he uses a computer?

Checks recycle bin.

The other day I walked up to a homeless person.

'Knock knock'

'Who's there'

'I thought you were homeless!'

How do you know if a homeless person has a girlfriend?

His clean fingers.

Some might say america is a dumpster fire right now

But that's not true because a dumpster fire can actually give a homeless person a source of heat

What does a hot air balloon and a homeless person have in common

No visible means of support

My Identity

Today I gave a homeless person everything I own, My identity, wallet, house, even my wedding ring.

You can't imagine how good it feels to be free of debt and my wife for the first time.

I homeless woman says to another homeless: I'm so unlucky I can't even get a dime.

She explained: Everybody thinks I'm a liar, so I haven't gotten any money but what I found on the ground today.



The other homeless tells her: That's horrible. do you want some of my sandwich?



A person comes by, and with pity they hand the homeless woman 2 dimes ignoring...

There were some monks in a monastery...

...and they were looking after homeless people. The first homeless person goes up to the Abbot and says "Abbot I've sinned". The Abbot replies "Well how have you sinned?". The man replies "I stole money from a shop", "Go and drink from the fountain and you'll feel better.
The second homeless man...

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A man wins a trip to meet the Pope...

A man wins a trip to meet the Pope and he can barely contain himself as he is on the plane to Italy. He makes his way to the Vatican where he meets the group of 50 or so other men and women who will be meeting the Pope that day. They chat anxiously while waiting and are finally told to form a line a...

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A man hears about a magical lake…

…. where taking a bath increases penis size by an inch. He travels across the country in search of the this majestic lake when he comes across a homeless person who points towards a tall mountain and tells him the lake is on the top.

The man hastily arrives at the bottom of the mountain try...

“Is ‘hobo’ a bad word for a first grade class?”

“Of course not, it’s a bad word for a homeless person.”

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A wealthy man goes to Rome...

...in one of his finest suits the hope that when he visits the Vatican, he can be granted an audience with the Holy Father. During one of the Papal processions, he manages to make his way to the front of the barrier as the Pontiff walks past them. Instead, the Pope completely blanks the man, and sto...

A man has two jobs.

He is a mathematician and baker,
one day he has leftover food from the bakery he brings home.
He sees a hungry homeless person and the baker asked, " Do you want Σ π.

How do you break something that's already broke?

Injure a homeless person...

A rich man wants to meet the Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama is in New York City walking with his entourage down Fifth Avenue. A rich man comes out to meet him. He's trying to push his way through the throngs of adoring people but the Dalai Lama's procession is moving too quickly. The rich man is running next to the crowd trying to catch up wi...

Have I ever told you about the Monk living on the hill and the tiny pickle in a jar?

Once upon a time there was a Monk who lived on a hill. He lived a simple life and was quite content, nothing out of the ordinary ever seemed to happen in his life. However, one day as he was settling down to watch his favourite shows with a mug of hot cocoa, he saw on the weather channel that a horr...

I have inpenetrable will.

No solicitor or homeless person could ever get to me.
The answer is always the firmest of NOs.
Why, just the other day an elderly woman with a black eye asked me if I could give the money I had.
I refused.
Then she began to cry. Bawling her eyes out, she begged me:
"Please, I've ...

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A young man, named Jeff, recently joined a marketing company

And he was doing kind of well. His ads were always slightly overperforming in contrast to many others who had "hit or miss" situations, but his good work were completely by John Avoh, who knocked it out of the park constantly, receiving praise, companies asking for him personally and so on and so fo...

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There was a farmer who had two sons

tldr :

His wife died as soon as she gave birth to the second son. Because of this, the farmer always blamed his second son for his mother's death. But he did not fail in his responsibilities as a father. The farmer was poor but he worked really hard to get his two sons in grad school. They ...

Contender for the worst pun ever (OC)

Meet Desmond. Desmond and his Father are pretty normal people, but they both have Podophobia, the irrational fear of feet.

One day, they both travel to do a tour of Southeast Asia and visit a family friend. As they’re walking about a city, Desmond see‘s a homeless person begging in shabby cl...

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