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One Person Jokes

What do you call a threesome with one person?

Handsome.

"Name one person that could beat Captain America"

Captain Vietnam

The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains:

"Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."

The Avengers: Endgame trailer has 14 million views from just one person

Dr. Strange

In every marriage, there’s one person who is always right…

…and the other person is the husband.

Whoever said one person can't change the world.....

Never ate an undercooked bat!

Why serial killers only kill one person at a time

Coz if they killed more they would be parallel killers.

One person’s LOL is another’s...

WTF

How do crabs move from one person to the next?

They use pubic transport

Who's the one person Medusa cannot turn to stone?

Dwayne Johnson

I have just found there's gonna be that one person with me in any moment

And it's me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After getting married, my wife used to joke that she will now have sex with only one person for the rest of her life.

Turns out she was talking about her boyfriend.

One person says, "do you want to hear a joke about sodium?"

The other person says, "Na".

Three men were at the gates of heaven, but there was only room for one person. St Peter asked each of them how they died, and the best story got through.



Man 1: I was adamant my wife was cheating. I came up to my apartment on the 24th floor and walked in, only to find my wife by herself. I was pleasantly surprised until I saw a man hanging off the edge of the balcony by just his fingers. I went over to him with a hammer and hit his hands unti...

Due to Covid, only one person is allowed in the bathroom at a time.

Unfortunately, this means a lot less people get to hear how impressively strong my urine stream is.

Mother: (noun) 1.One person who does the work of 20. For free

Happy Mothers Day all Mommy's out there ! :)

A man experiencing a split personality went to the psychiatrist. One personality swore he was a teepee and the other swore he was a wigwam.

The psychiatrist replied, "You're just too tense"

If you could bring one person to a deserted island who would it be?

I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say one person in every group of friends is gay.

I really hope it's Ben because my crush has been staring at that little fucker for a while now

Just learned the Catholic Church is okay with one person marrying two different people!

Priests do it all the time

There was a car accident involving a funeral procession, yesterday. One person dead.

Luckily it was a fender-bender and no one was hurt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If having sex with two people is a threesome & having sex with one person is a twosome...

...you now know why people call you **handsome**

One person asks his friend: what’s the fastest way to get from one side of a railroad to the other?

One person asks his friend: what’s the fastest way to get from one side of a railroad to the other?

His friend replies: i don’t know, but whatever it is you’ll either beat the train or be dead wrong

My wife “There’s only one person I know more manly than you.”

Me: “Who?”

My Wife: “Your mom.”

Someone asked me if I could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would it be

Easy.

Harvey Weinstein. Dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the church was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little talk at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited

“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had s...

I wrote a few jokes for reddit and there is always one person who consistently likes my jokes - I just wish I could see who that one person is so I could look him in the eye and say:

Thanks for all your support!!!

but unfortunately when I write my terrible dad jokes I can never look myself in the eyes

If I could nominate just one person to NEVER be my bartender, it would be Eminem

He insists 'you only get one shot'.

Like I'm gonna get drunk off of one shot.. pffft

They say in a group of friends, there's always one person who's probably a psychopathic killer.

There's no group now... I couldn't take that chance.

You can paint a thousand paintings and not be called an artist...

You can run a thousand marathons and not be called an athlete...

You can cook a thousand meals and not be called a chef.

But as soon as you kill ONE PERSON...

If you steal ideas from only one person, it is called plagiarism.

If you steal from many people, it is called research.

There’s always that one person who goes from church to church living off the congregation.

Normally, we call that person the Pastor

I saw people putting notes at the bottom of a telephone pole. I asked them what they were doing and one person said:

"We are putting comments under this post."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

What do you get when one person thinks that there are 18 pine nuts in a pine cone and another person thinks there is 17 pine nuts in the same pine cone?

A difference of a piñon!

There are four people in an airplane.

They are as follows:

\- The pilot (Obviously)

\- The president of the USA

\- The world's smartest man

\- A student from a local school.



Suddenly, an alarm sounds. The pilot runs into the passenger cabin and says:

"I don't want to alarm you, but there...

Doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea.

That means one person enjoys it

What's the difference between a cult and a religion?

In a cult, there's always at least one person at the top who's completely crazy, or who knows it's all a scam...

In a religion, that guy's dead!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very unlucky man with one testicle

There was this very unlucky man who only had one testicle. One day while he was travelling on a plane, the captain makes an announcement and tells that one of the engines of the plane have failed and one person must be thrown off the plane. To pick this person, they write everyone's seat numbers on ...

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