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Homeless Shelter Jokes

The good news is Elon Musk is turning Twitter' headquarters into a homeless shelter

The bad news is, it can only house 280 characters, or less

An animal rescuer, homeless shelter director, volunteer pediatrician, and ice cream machine repairman are waiting at the Pearly Gates

The animal rescuer meets Saint Peter who reviews her resume of thousands of animals she's saved. Shaking his head, he announces: "Denied."

Next is the homeless shelter director. Saint Peter looks over his resume, nods slightly, but still announces: "Denied."

The volunteer pediatricia...

I once tried to teach cooking at a homeless shelter,

But it was difficult to get the attention of the entire state of California.

What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?

More-soup-y’all?

Three homeless guys at a shelter..

Due to a shortage of beds to lay in at a homeless shelter, three men were set to be laying together in a California King sized mattress. That night, the three go to bed.

They wake up the next morning to the alarm clock going off, waking the three up.

The man on the left says "Hmm, I ha...

A charity was trying to convince the towns only millionaire in town to donate to them.

So they sent a worker to his mansion to try to convince him. When he asked the millionaire to donate, the millionaire became angry. "First," he said,"are you aware that my brother, a blind veteran who has four kids and a wife with terminal illness is being evicted in three days?" A little embarrass...

I’m annoyed at the trend of flexing

Like, when rappers do it it’s cool, but when I do it I’m asked to leave the homeless shelter

Knock knock jokes

Didn't go down well at the homeless shelter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An arrogant man who often judged others for the slightest misdeeds dies and finds himself waiting in heaven to be judged by god...

A man finds himself in a line to see "God". He can hear the conversations God has with each person as they reach the front of the line. Apparently the Lord is using a particular method to expedite coming up with proper punishments.

"No one knows your sins better than you my child, thus you sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny overheard a couple of girls in school

The kids were whispering "Purple flowers, purple flowers," and giggling. Curious what this meant, Johnny asked his friend.

"Jimmy, what does purple flowers mean?" Johnny asked.

Little Jimmy looked at Johnny in horror and said "I'm not gonna be friends with someone who says stuff like t...

The sad old man

An old man was sitting outside his porch one day with a very sad face. The mailman saw him and tried to cheer him up. The mailman said " you wanna see my package?" The old man just looked at the mailman without even smiling nor saying a single word. The mailman gave up and left. Then along came a ma...

A C-130 was being deployed from Peterson AFB, Colorado

An hour into the flight, the plane began losing altitude. Acting quickly, the pilot decided it was necessary to airdrop items to be tracked down later in order to reach the nearest airport.

First to go was the Base Commander's new Humvee. Next was a large crate of MREs. Finally, a crate of t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] What are you known for?

Three young kids walk up to an older man sitting on a park bench.

"Can you give us any advice, sir?"

He begins...

"Be careful what you do in life because that's what you'll end up being known for. Look at me, for example. I donated the land for this beautiful park we're in right...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man knows he is dying...

... but doesn't like any of his children or relatives. So he calls together his three best friends: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer.

"Guys," he says, "I don't want to leave my money to my ungrateful, squabbling children. I'd rather have it buried with me. I'm giving you each an envelope cont...

The assistant pastor and Tootie Greene.

Recently, a new assistant pastor was hired for the local church. The head pastor told him on his first week to go down to the homeless shelter and work with the less fortunate. So the assistant pastor went down to the shelter with soup and bread. After feeding the people he gave a sermon. Most of th...

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