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Homeless People Jokes

I can't stand homeless people

Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.

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I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups at me.

I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it.

2 reasons I don't give money to homeless people

1. They would spend it on alcohol.
2. I want to spend it on alcohol.

Why did homeless people vote for Obama?

Because he said he’d bring change.

If two Homeless people are hitting each other with a cardboard boxes...

Is it a pillow fight?

why are Homeless people always yelling?

Because they don't know how to use inside voices.

I wish my house was big enough to let all the homeless people in my town live there.

I wouldn't actually let any of them live there, I just want to give an example of how large I want my house.

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It’s flu season and I just saw 3 homeless people caring for each other.

They were giving each other flu shots under the overpass. What a caring community we live in God Bless.

I saw a couple of homeless people today

I split a 10 dollar bill for them.


They didn't seem so happy after that.

I know a lot of jokes about homeless people

But none of them work

Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society.

Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

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WHAT'S THE BEST PART ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH HOMELESS PEOPLE?

Afterwards you can drop them off anywhere!

I'm terrified of homeless people.

You can say I'm hobophobic.

Homeless people are a lot like wikipedia

If you give them $3 they might make it till next year!

I hate playing baseball with homeless people

For some reason, they can never find home

There was a demonstration by homeless people in my town today.

They were demanding change.

A $50 Lesson

A $50 Lesson

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?' ...

I hate when homeless people call me sir

With all things being considered I'm at least a Duke

Dandelions are like the homeless people of the flower world.

Give them a little crack and a bit of water and they can thrive anywhere.

I tried to tell a joke about homeless people eating garbage, but it didn't go well...

I realize now that it was in bad taste.

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What do a proctologist and a prostitute who's only clients are homeless people have in common?

They both spend their time at work feeling up bums.

My friend is scared of the homeless people he sees on the streets.

I told him to stop being hobophobic.

I hate walking past homeless people that have a few dollars right infront of them..

Like I get it!

You've got more money than me- no need to show off

I got arrested for feeding homeless people on the streets the other day...

And to top it off, the cops took away my potato gun.

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There is this old wooden pillar in my town where all of the homeless people defecate. We call it...

shitpost

New studies show that becoming a chef is the number one job for homeless people after re-integration into society...

Many cite their strong resumes as the key to their success considering they have a lot of experience pan handling.

To celebrate the new year, the UK set off tonnes of fireworks in London. GF: this is such a waste of money. There are homeless people and people starving, and the government pay for this!

Me: yes, but blowing them up would be wrong.

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A lawyer saw a bunch of homeless people eating grass... He goes over and asks them why are they doing that and they tell him that they are homeless and have nothing to eat. Eager to help them out he escorts them to his mansion.. They are very happy and thankful.. He takes one look at them, smiles

And tells them "this is my yard, eat as much as you want, i won't charge you."

My wife is involved in the humanitarian aid…

- “My wife is involved in the humanitarian aid. She cooks soup for homeless people in our city.”
- “And is she good at it?”
- “Oh boy, definitely! Half of the homeless rather found a job already!”

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Not a repost (true story, too)

One day I was walking to school with my friends in a very busy city. The school was about ten-ish blocks away from where we met up, and sure, there's always crap on the ground (whether from a human or a dog) and homeless people, but otherwise it's pretty much what you'd expect.

This particula...

There were some monks in a monastery...

...and they were looking after homeless people. The first homeless person goes up to the Abbot and says "Abbot I've sinned". The Abbot replies "Well how have you sinned?". The man replies "I stole money from a shop", "Go and drink from the fountain and you'll feel better.
The second homeless man...

At a university exchange programme, an American student met a Syrian student.

“How are the things going on in your country right now?”

“Not good. We still don’t have proper medical facilities, there are plenty of homeless people, lots of religious fanatics and mass murders keep happening everyday.”

“The things aren’t that great here as well,” replied the Syrian ...

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A rich Blonde & rich Brunette...

A rich Blonde & rich Brunette get off a flight & are waiting in the airport terminal for ride.
The brunette asks the blonde where are you heading?


The Blonde replies: 'I'm heading to The Marriott in the city'


The Brunette says: 'So am I, why don't we share a li...

My friend made it his life’s mission to fight poverty.

He wrestles homeless people every weekend.

Libertarian Paradise...

People often criticize a libertarian paradise saying that the homeless people would just be left to die in the gutter. This is of course complete bull. The gutter would be private property and the homeless will need to find somewhere else to die.

A homeless guy walks into a bar

He goes up to the bartender and asks for a toothpick. The bartender hesitant at first is like sure why not and gives the homeless guy one.

Later another homeless man walks in and asks for a toothpick and again the bartender is hesitant but is like sure whatever.

This continues with a...

I don‘t think antivaxxers are such a big problem.

I was just walking through the subway when I saw 2 homeless people vaccinating themselves.

Do cannibals refer to...

Homeless people as “Free Range”?

I do not understand why Amazon gets a bad rap for the whole homeless issue...

I mean yes Apple/Google/Microsoft are donating a lot of money to help, but Amazon employs more homeless people than all three combined!

I think breastfeeding in public should be encouraged

There are a lot of hungry homeless people.

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What do sex and The Big Issue have in common? (Original Joke)

I buy them exclusively from homeless people

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Little Johnny overheard a couple of girls in school

The kids were whispering "Purple flowers, purple flowers," and giggling. Curious what this meant, Johnny asked his friend.

"Jimmy, what does purple flowers mean?" Johnny asked.

Little Jimmy looked at Johnny in horror and said "I'm not gonna be friends with someone who says stuff like t...

A priest goes golfing.

At the end of his sermons every single Sunday, a priest proclaims to his congregation that they should go out and do community service in the name of God. He then goes on even longer about how he is going to be feeding homeless people, building schools, etc etc, for the rest of the day. After the se...

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Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

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