Quidditch Jokes - 12 Hilarious Quidditch Jokes

I heard a former Azkaban inmate is opening a Quidditch ball repair shop…

It’s called “Snitches Get Stitches”.

Have you seen the new brooms at Quality Quidditch Supplies?

They're flying off the shelves!

How is prison like quidditch?

The game ends when they catch the snitch

Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!

I’m repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,

but Snitches get stitches

If you have Quidditch problems, I don't know what to tell you son..

I got 99 problems and a SNITCH ain't one.

Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione?

Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch

In Australia, we have the new financial assist schemes "JobSeeker" and "JobKeeper"

At least the unemployed get titles that sound like they are on a Quidditch team.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never have sex with a wizard...

I did once and I got Hogwarts.

Now they won't quidditching.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a wizard have casual sex?

They hit it and quidditch

What do they call Gold Bond at Hogwarts?

Quidditch.

What does Harry Potter play with when he's bored?

A quidditch spinner.

(Told to me by a 7 year old)

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