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Hillbilly Jokes

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THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy...

In America you call people who marry their cousins hillbillys

In Europe we call them Royals

Hillbillies

Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze.

1st Hillbilly says: "My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. "

2nd Hillbilly says: "Why is that stupid?"

1st Hillbilly says: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"

2nd Hillbilly says: "That's nothin'...

Hang Gliding Hillbilly

You don’t see too many people hang-gliding deep down in Kentucky, but Ol’ John Hickory decided to save up and get a hang glider. He took his new toy to the highest mountain and readied to take flight. After a taking a few deep breaths, John took off running and when he reached the edge he sailed off...

What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?

Reintarnation

Two hillbillies are discussing plans for dinner

After throwing ideas back and forth of what to cook, their eyes catch some roadkill on the side of the road. One of them eagerly suggests, "how about Himalayan Woodchuck?"

"Himalayan Woodchuck?" the other hillbilly scoffed. "What in the devil is that?"

"You know," the other says, gestu...

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ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly.

"That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her...

Hillbilly circumcision

Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly ?

Ans. You kick his sister in the jaw

An old joke about a hillbilly

who asked the school teacher, “I hear you teach trigonometry?”

The teacher said, “Yes, that is correct.”

The hillbilly said, “I want you to teach my son then, because he’s the worst shot in the whole family.”

Yeast is a lot like a hillbilly.

It's in bread

Hillbillies in the hospital

A hillbilly was visiting the hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

The doctor explained, "This is an anesthethic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He...

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Hillbilly Stripper

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He t...

I finally convinced my hillbilly friend to get a Covid vaccination, but he doesn’t want Moderna.

He says, “ just because she sang some good pop songs back in the 80s don’t mean she knows how to make a vaccine!”.

Two hillbillies

were sipping moonshine on the front porch when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

“I’m a-gonna do that when I win that there lottery”, announced hillbilly #1.

“Do wut?”, asked hillbilly #2

“Send my lawn out to git mowed.”

If I die and come back as a hillbilly

Is that reintarnation?

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A hillbilly decides to get his life together

One day 2 hillbillies are sitting on their porch rocking chairs listening to the radio and one of them says, “man there’s gotta be more to life than this, I’m tired of not doing anything useful.” Right then, an ad starts playing on the radio for the local community college. That’s it! The hillbilly ...

What do you call a fancy Hillbilly?

A Hill William.

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Hillbilly Bouy...

A hillbilly comes back from a meeting with Donald Trump. He tells his friends, “I gots ta talk to tha President! He said evathang ud chainge whun da potato boat comes!

His friends look confused and one asks, “What da heck ya mean Jasper, what’s a potato boat?

Jasper shoot...

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The hillbillies new neighbor

So a guy from the city goes and buys himself a piece of property. He looks it over with the realtor and the realtor leaves and he's just standing there admiring the lake that's on his land and thinking about all the New freedom he has.

A hillbilly comes walking toward him and he's a little su...

What's the difference between a redneck and a hillbilly?

A redneck will ride a bull. A hillbilly will ride his cousin.

A hillbilly is in Florida and has a sea turtle hanging up on a fishing pole.

The game warden approaches on his boat and asked, "Are you gonna release that?"
The hillbilly then replies,"No, they taste good."
"Oh really, how do they taste?"
"Somewhere between bald eagle and manatee."

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An Old Hillbilly Goes to Town

There's an old hillbilly that's lived nearly his entire life so far up in Ozarks away from most modern society.

One day he decides to go into town for a change of pace. He's driving his old pickup truck down a main street and spots an antique shop with some nice looking furniture and other t...

What do hillbillys do during halloween ?

They Pumpkin

A hillbilly walks into a Brooklyn bar…

…with a frog on his shoulder. As he steps up to the bar the bartender asks him, “Hey where did you get that?” The frog answers “East Kentucky, they’re all over the place down there.”

Hillbilly tries to get into Heaven

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that, because of severe overcrowding, all prospective heavenly souls had to pass an intelligence test to gain admittance. “Are you ready?” St. Peter asked?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg shrugge...

Why did the hillbilly wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

He said,

"If I'm gonna be impotent,

I gotta look impotent.

How did the hillbilly find the sheep in the tall grass?

Satisfying

What do you call it when a hillbilly dies and comes back as something else?

Reintarnation

What's long and hard on a hillbilly?

second grade.

A hillbilly knocks on the door of his new neighbour's house

"Howdy, neighbor," he says. In honor of you moving into the holler, I'm gonna throw a party.There's gonna be a whole lot of drinking, a whole lot of dancing and a whole lot of screwing.


Sounds like fun, the neighbor says. What can I bring?


The hillbilly replies, You can bri...

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A hillbilly once went to a doctor.

“Doctor, I need a cast(e)ration,” the hillbilly said. The Doctor replied, “Are you sure about that?”
The hillbilly promptly responds, “Well, I have given it some thought, and I am really excited about the change.”
The hillbilly finally goes through with the procedure and over time, recovers....

How did the hillbilly find his cousin in the woods?

Pretty good.

What do you call a hillbilly night club?

A family reunion.

Hillbilly holiday

What is a hillbillies favorite holiday?

Halloween, because they can pump kin.

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A hillbilly couple get married...

and spend the honeymoon night at her folks' cabin. The next morning, the boys' father walks outside and the boy is back home sitting on his folks' porch. The father asks, "Where's your bride, boy?" The kid says, "Ah done left her, Pa." The old man says, "Now why did you go and do that for?" The kid ...

What did the hillbilly yoga instructor say to his mom who was about to leave?

Naw ma, stay!

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A hillbilly family takes a vacation to New York City

While there, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"
...

A Hillbilly joins the army

Next day while in training

General- Did you come here to die?

Hillbilly- No sir, I came here yester-die

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin.



I'll see myself out...

Why doesn't a hillbilly boy have to memorize his name?

It's tattooed on his mom's lower back.

Why do hillbilly’s have missing teeth?

Their dentist is Dr.Pepper.

Hillbilly murders are the hardest to solve

They don’t have dental records and all their DNA is the same.

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3 hillbillies ()

3 hillbillies walk in for an interview; find themselves a seat; and wait to be called upon. Eventually, some guy from HR walks in, points at one of the hillbillies and says "You, come with me."

"Now this job is all about attention. I want you to tell me the first thing you noticed when you wa...

A Hillbilly is the First in his Family to Attend Ninth Grade...

Jethro is the first in a long line of hillbillies and bumpkins to attend schooling beyond the eighth grade. After his first day of high school, the whole family is bursting with pride to see him swaggering up the driveway.

His father says, "Jethro, come tell us about that fancy high school! ...

The hillbilly's nagging wife.

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out ploughing with his old mule.

He tried to plough a lot.

One day, when h...

A hillbilly and his wife and kids go out to dinner

The waitress comes around to take their orders, and the hillbilly grabs her , pulls her close, and kisses her. The waitress pulls back and shouts, "what are you doing, sir??!!" The hillbilly sits there embarrassed and says, "I thought this was a family restaurant!"

What do a thug and hillbilly have in common?

They both like to throw a hoedown.

A hillbilly shows up for his first work day at a construction jobsite

A hillbilly shows up for his first work day at a construction jobsite. At lunch time notices a coworker with a thermos. He asks him what it is. He says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold!" The hillbilly is impressed so he gets one and brings it in the next day. His cowor...

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Two hillbillies are walking through the woods...

They come across a pile of dog . One of them says to the other, "I think that's dog ."

"Does it smell like dog ?" Asks the second.

The first bends down to smell it, "Yes."

"Does it feel like dog ?"

The one picks up a piece and sure enough it feels like s...

Hillbilly Ma says to her son,

"Jethro, I need you to fix the outhouse."

"What fer ma?"

"Jis go 'n hava look."

So Jethro walks out to the outhouse, opens the door, and looks, "I don't see nothin wrong here ma," he says.

"Look closer," says Ma. Jethro moves into the outhouse.

"Still don't see nu...

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Two hillbillies from Alabama are sitting at a bar

There are three young, beautiful women sitting at a table near them. Suddenly, one of the woman stands up and starts choking on her food. Thinking quickly, one of the hillbillies runs over, pulls down her skirt, and gives her a lick on the right buttcheek. The woman is so shocked she coughs up the f...

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Hillbilly gets a new neighbor

Hillbilly knocks on the door of his new neighbors house.

"Howdy neybur, since yall are my new neyburs, i reckon i should throw yall a party at my house! There gon' be tons of drinkin, tons of dancin, and tons of screwin."

"Sounds good to me, what can i bring?" the new neighbor ...

2 hillbillies walking through a field.

2 hillbillies are walking through a field when they come across an old well. They start talking to each other asking how deep the well is. One of the hillbillies grabs a nearby shopping cart and tosses it down the well. While they are listening for a splash a billy goat comes charging right at them,...

A hillbilly and a weatherman are talking about the weather.

Hillbilly: We don't need you here. We have the best way to tell the weather.

Weatherman: What is that?

Hillbilly: We have a bucket.

Weatherman: What if it rains?

Hillybilly: The bucket is full of water

Weatherman: What if it snows?

Hillybilly: It has snow ...
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