### Water is heavier than butane.

Butane is a lighter fluid

### Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Women

### Why were older computers heavier?

Because they used a FAT file system!

### Which is heavier, 200 lbs of feathers, or 200 lbs of bricks?

The feathers, because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds

### Vincent Price is taller than Alan Price, who is heavier than Katie Price

As I discovered on this Price comparison website

### Between a 200-pound woman and a 200-pound rock, which is heavier?

The woman. She lied about her weight.

### What's heavier, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane ? (Substitute 'litre' for 'gallon' if reading outside of USA)

Water because butane is a lighter fluid

### As the world’s population swelled over the past few decades, Santa’s sleigh got heavier and heavier, requiring more reindeer to pull it.

Santa hired two new reindeer as crew, Lee and Franklin.

As part of their new hire training both Lee and Franklin go through a lot of physical training, navigational training, as well as a list of things that is to be packed on the sleigh.

Franklin is going through the list of banned it...

### Which is heavier: one gallon of water or 10 gallons of butane?

The water.

No matter how much you have, butane will always be a lighter fluid.

### A 50 kg woman , 50 kg of feather , and 50 kg of steel ,which one is heavier?

The woman

Because girls lie about their weight

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### A man and his wife are lying in bed when they hear a knock at the door.

The man hears that the wind is blowing a gale and the rain is is getting heavier and decides it was just the wind and goes back to sleep.

A few minutes later they hear it again so his wife says "Honey, go check it out. It might be bad news"
The man reluctantly agrees and goes to the front ...

### What's heavier? 200kg bricks or 200kg feathers?

The feathers of course.

200kg bricks it's just some measure of bricks. But, if you want to lift 200kg feathers you need also handle what you've done to all these poor birds.

### The heavier you are the more people are attracted to you

Atleast in physics

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### So i had sex with this heavier girl at a party last night...

I kinda feel bad cause she was super waisted.

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### < Athletes foot! >

I made up this joke in 2010

........................................................

A very active runner was hit by a power shovel. The affect was to shear his privates off. When he got to the hospital the doctor tried to reattach it, but to no avail. The doctor then noticed that...

### After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds.

Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo.

### Why are humans getting heavier?

There's a lot more of us

### According to the laws of physics, the heavier you are...

the more attractive you are.

### What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers?

The feathers.

The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 "regular" ounces.

The more you know...

### So, apple, lemon, and pea escape from the refrigerator..

Happy to be free from their prison, they go to a bar to celebrate. Many bars later, they're all tipsy at best when they come across a hill.

Pea, being a energetic drunk, gets super excited saying, "Hey! Let's roll down the hill! Come on!" And before the other two object he launches hims...

### Recently joined a Styx cover band

We play the same songs, but heavier. We’re called Logz.

### Fowl Joke

Smaller babies may be delivered by Stork, the heavier ones need a Crane, and Swallows deliver none.

### My fiancee was holding my left hand...

And I told her, "You know, in a month and a half, that hand will be heavier and I might need help lifting it."

She replied, "The ring isn't that heavy..."

And I retorted, "Yeah, but the ball and chain connected to it is!"

Don't know how I'm still engaged or alive after that...

### A chemistry teacher gives his class a question

Teacher “there are two liquids water and butane can someone please give me a quantity for them”
Student at the front “a ton”
Teacher “ok then what is the heavier the ton of water or the ton of butane”
The teacher asked each student the same question and each of them answered that they wer...

### Two long time friends, Ollie and Brock, woke up early for work as they always do.

They each got into their trucks and headed to the local Ag plant where they work as produce haulers.

"What do you have for us today Flower?" asked Brock as they walk in. Their secretary’s real name is Ava but they always jokingly call her Flower.

"Well we've got three shipments that a...

### A dad is sitting on the couch in his living room

He hears his son start walking down the stairs and then loud banging and rumbling

Son: it’s nothing i just dropped my shirt down the stairs

Dad: it sounded a lot heavier than a shirt

Son: yeah it’s because i was wearing it

### Women are lean at marriage, making it easier to carry them across treshold.

Then we get heavier so men can't get us out of the house. xD

### I figured out a way to kill two birds with one stone.

You tell both the lovely ladies they each look 7 pounds heavier.

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### A guy has lost his eye in an accident

He can't afford to get a glass eye, so his doctor says,

"Well, I have an old wooden eye I could put in. I could paint it to look like the other one."

The man agrees and lets the doctor implant the wooden eye.

Later, he decides to "test" his new eye and goes to a club.

He ...

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### Moe’s Saloon in the Old West was seeing a lot of customers lately...

It was getting busier and busier by the day, so much so that there was barely a seat left in the whole joint. The hotshots were playing poker, the 49-ers were drinking and cat-calling the dames. The piano was playing, the whiskey was flowing, everyone was having the time of their lives. Suddenly, th...

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### (NSFW) A man and his wife got into bed for the night

The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book. The wife got up and started st...

### *BOOM*

Mom: what was that

Me: my shirt fell

Mom: it sounded a lot heavier than that

Me: I was in it

### yo mama so fat

she heavier than an after school special

### A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.

**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled

**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

### Two hunters are walking through the woods when they stumble upon a large hole in the ground.

The first hunter says to the other, "That looks really deep. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how far it goes."

To find out how deep it really is, the hunters toss some nearby pebbles into the hole and try to listen for when the pebbles hit the bottom. None of the pebbles make a sou...

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### On the tub of ice cream I bought it said "50% less fat"

It's a fucking con, guys.

I just ate the whole tub and I'm actually heavier.

### Two hunters were hunting in the woods

When one of them spots a hole in the ground that looks unusually deep. He picks up a rock and throws it in the hole, and never hears it hit the bottom.

"Try something heavier", the other man suggests. They find an old railroad tie nearby, pick it up and throw it down the hole. Two seconds lat...

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### NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

### The two old-timers...

...were having a chat over the back fence.

"You know, Chester," said one, "you should invest in some heavier curtains for your bedroom window."

"Why's that, Clem?"

"Because the ones you have now are kinda transparent. In fact, last night I could see you making love ...

### I pick my women like I pick my watermelon.

A little rough with a discolored bottom and heavier than the appear.

### A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by...

A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by. The sphinx said to the man "you may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"

The man thought for a moment and answered "imagination".

"Wrong", s...

### I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread

It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier

### Did you hear about the mathmatician's wife?

It all started when they got married. She sat down on the couch every single day, and screamed at him for not cleaning the house, doing the laundry, or washing the dishes while she was watching TV.

Of course, such a static lifestyle only makes you less healthy. So after a while, she grew fatt...

### Joe & Chester

Joe and Chester, two old-timers, are playing checkers. Joe says, "You know, Chester, as your next-door neighbor, I need to tell you somethin'. You should put up heavier curtains on your bedroom window."

"What makes you say that, Joe?"

"Well, sometimes at night I'll look over at your ...

### Computer Weight

One day, an angry man ran into the computer shop with his laptop. He shouted at the man on duty,"Your company's website said that this computer would weigh 4.6 pounds. But when I weighed it on my scale, it showed that it weighed 4.61 pounds! I want my money back!" The man on duty replied," I'm sorry...

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### A woman walks into the meatshop

And asks for chicken breasts. The butcher opens up the refrigerator, picks the last one up, and plops it on the weighing machine. The woman goes " It's only 400 grams, don't you have anything heavier?"

The butcher thinks for a while, takes the chicken breast back to the refrigerator, pulls th...

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### During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class

"Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied,

"That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."

The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girl...

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### Three men die and go to heaven

When the first guy arrives at the pearly gates, Saint Peter says "my son, we're a bit crowded here, and you're only allowed in heaven if you had a traumatic death". "Traumatic death?" the guy exclaims, "I just caught my wife cheating. I came to my apartment early and she was naked on the bed. And th...

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### Three old men

Three old men are golfing. One of them complains,

"Ya know, the hills these days are getting steeper and steeper"

His buddy one chimes in:

"Yep, and the clubs are getting heavier. They were way lighter when we were younger"

The third old man patiently listening finally sa...

### To quote my late father...

"Traffic is heavier than I expected."

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### Two guys are walking through a field in Montana

when they stumble across a well. The men look down the well and notice it is so deep, they can't see the bottom. One guys says to the other, "throw a stick into it, see how deep the well is." So the man finds a stick, tosses it in the well, the men wait for the splash...nothing. No sound. Curious to...

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### New metals are added to chemistry

A new metal is added to chemistry:

• NAME

- Husband

• SYMBOL:

- Hb

• ATOMIC WEIGHT:

1. Light when found first
2. Tends to get heavier over the years with time

• PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Boils at any time with inlaws
2. Can...

### In an objective point of view, fat women are more attractive than skinny woman.

According to Newton, the heavier an object is, the more it attracts other objects.

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### Steve goes to see his doctor

Steve goes to his doctor for a checkup after a hernia repair. The doctor says to him, "Well Steve, it looks like your operation was a success, everything is looking normal and you should be fully healed in about 6 weeks. However, due to the nature of your condition, you must not lift anything heavi...