UPJOKE

Heavier Than Jokes

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Why are married people on average heavier than single people?

A single person goes to the fridge, takes a look what's there, sighs, and goes to bed.

A married one goes to bed, sees what's there, sighs, and goes to the fridge.

what is Heavier Than a Tuna Fish?

A Threena Fish

Why is water heavier than butane?

Because butane is a lighter fluid

Vincent Price is taller than Alan Price, who is heavier than Katie Price

As I discovered on this Price comparison website

Grandpa: What's 100 feet tall, heavier than ten cars, covered with blood and slime, and has razor-sharp claws?

Kid: I don't know

Grandpa: Look behind you

*BOOM*

Mom: what was that


Me: my shirt fell


Mom: it sounded a lot heavier than that


Me: I was in it

A dad is sitting on the couch in his living room

He hears his son start walking down the stairs and then loud banging and rumbling

Dad: Son what happened?

Son: it’s nothing i just dropped my shirt down the stairs

Dad: it sounded a lot heavier than a shirt

Son: yeah it’s because i was wearing it

A man was making a robot out of whatever he could find

The head was an old toaster, the torso a series of welded wrenches and bolts, the arms and legs bits of rebar. It wasn’t pretty, so he gave it an ugly name: Brek.

The thing worked fine, but it wasn’t terribly balanced. The left hand was heavier than the other, so it always leaned to the left....

I pick my women like I pick my watermelon.

A little rough with a discolored bottom and heavier than the appear.

A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by...

A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by. The sphinx said to the man "you may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"

The man thought for a moment and answered "imagination".

"Wrong", s...

To quote my late father...

"Traffic is heavier than I expected."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class

"Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied,

"That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."

The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girl...

Did you hear about the mathmatician's wife?

It all started when they got married. She sat down on the couch every single day, and screamed at him for not cleaning the house, doing the laundry, or washing the dishes while she was watching TV.

Of course, such a static lifestyle only makes you less healthy. So after a while, she grew fatt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven is overcrowded, so Saint Peter has to come up with a plan.

His plan is, that he will only allow people who died in an interesting way through the Pearly Gates. There are three guys arriving at the same time, so Saint Peter goes to the first and says: "My son, heaven is overcrowded, I will only let you enter if you died in an interesting way."
The guy s...

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Moe’s Saloon in the Old West was seeing a lot of customers lately...

It was getting busier and busier by the day, so much so that there was barely a seat left in the whole joint. The hotshots were playing poker, the 49-ers were drinking and cat-calling the dames. The piano was playing, the whiskey was flowing, everyone was having the time of their lives. Suddenly, th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men die and go to heaven

When the first guy arrives at the pearly gates, Saint Peter says "my son, we're a bit crowded here, and you're only allowed in heaven if you had a traumatic death". "Traumatic death?" the guy exclaims, "I just caught my wife cheating. I came to my apartment early and she was naked on the bed. And th...

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