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Handshakes Jokes

The CDC advises to avoid handshakes.

Jeffery Dahmer: AWWW

News Anchor: The CDC has advised no handshakes at this time.

Cannibal: "Aww..." *STOPS BLENDER*

TV: “The CDC says to refrain from handshakes.”

Jeffrey Dahmer *stops blender*: “Awww man!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When celebrating with porn stars handshakes are best....

High fives can give you the clap

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill and Joe hadn't seen each other in a long time and run in to each other in town.

After greetings and handshakes, Joe says to Bill, "you look like you've lost a lot of weight, have you been sick?

Bill "yes, I have terrible allergies, and every time I sneeze, I ejaculate."

Joe "Oh no, what do you take for that?"

Bill "ragweed!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Confucius say; Man who is into fisting,

gives shitty handshakes.

Why did the cannibal die of COVID-19?

Too many handshakes

Because of COVID19...

We will be converting all TCP applications to UDP to avoid handshakes.

What do cannibals serve at the beginning of a dinner party?

Handshakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob knows a lot of people

Bob's a factory worker, and one day, the boss is showing a bunch of Japanese investors around the factory. One of them sees Bob, and they promptly exchange handshakes and start talking like long lost friends. Afterwards, Bobs boss asks him what that was about. Bob just replies 'oh, I know him from a...

Jeffery Dahmer is in his kitchen, using his blender...

... when his phone goes off in his pocket. It was a notification from the CDC:

"The public is still advised to avoid direct contact from others through cordial gestures during this pandemic, such as hugs or ***handshakes.*** "

"Awwwwww..." Jeffery mopes, as he turns off his blender.

Coronavirus is real

You gotta start using UDP over TCP to avoid handshakes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my doctor if coronavirus spreads through sex

"if you do handshakes while doing it, yeah"

I've never actually been caught smoking weed.

But I'm pretty sure my parents know sober people don't give goodnight handshakes.

What do cannibals and politicians have in common?

They both enjoy handshakes.

A geneticist was working late one night, secretly perfecting his greatest project: a perfect clone of himself

An utter copy with no noticeable differences in personality or appearance.
Having finished his work, the geneticist took off for Maui and sent his clone to work.
Within days, reports came back from his friends in the know of bizarre behavior from his doppelganger.

The duplicate had c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

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