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High Five Jokes

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Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five.

But he left me hanging.

Never give a Roman a high five.

Or he'll give you a HIV.

As Epstein swayed back and forth, coming to grips with the inevitable, he reached out to give the guard one final high five...

But he just left him hanging.

Why didn't Jeffrey Epstein high five the prison officer?

He tends to leave people hanging.

As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests.

My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging

Why can't T-Rex's High Five?

Because they're all dead

Why are witches bad at giving high fives?

Their friends always leave them hanging.

[NSFW] Why don't any of Logan Paul's asian fans ask for high fives anymore?

He tends to leave them hanging.

What would you call the Fantastic Four if Snoop Dogg joined the team?

The High Five

Why do pictures rotated counter clockwise hate giving high fives

Because they're always *left hanging*

Sometimes some people deserve a good high five,

in the face, with a chair

What does a cannibalistic football player say to his teammates before a high five?

“Give me some skin!”

Gave a guy a high five

He only had 3 fingers so I told him to keep the change

Bear, Cat and Dog had just completed a mission in an MMORPG. They wanted to perform a celebratory high five but they couldnt.

There was no way to hit pawse.

Fun fact: did you know that HIV is actually Roman for “high five”?

Pass it on – or, rather, don’t.

A guy walks into a bar wearing a Browns jersey and carrying a cat that also has a Browns jersey on with a little Browns helmet on his head, too.

The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Browns game here?
My TV at home is broke, and my cat and I always watch the game together."

The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but
it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can ...

Cop joke.

So I’m an ER RN and we love to joke around. Had two cops in with a patient. I deadpanned “ I heard there’s been ppl stealing tires off (local) cop cars…. The one cop says “I haven’t heard anything about this “.
So… I said “I’ve heard the police are tirelessly investigating it.”
First cop high...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Airplane passengers watch nervously

As two men wearing pilots' uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit.

 

The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams,...

Two catterpillars meet up

And they high five, and they high five, and they high five, and they high five, and they high five...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tomorrow I'm having skin grafted from my butt onto my hand and I cope with humor. Make me laugh.

I'm going to have to ask my girlfriend if she wants to try butt stuff just so we can hold hands.

The surgeon's going to hand my ass to me.

If I high five someone did they technically smack my ass?

Texans fan

A guy goes into a Houston bar with a Dachshund under his arm. The dog is decked out in a Texans jersey and helmet and is festooned with Texans pompoms.

The bartender says, "Hey! No pets allowed in here!"
The guy begs him, "Please we're both big Texans fans and the TV at my house is broken....

Three guys were sleeping on a single mattress

When they wake up the guy on the left whispers to the other two, "Dudes, I just had a dream I was getting a handjob...It was friggin awesome."

Then the guy on the right says, "Get outta here! I had a handjob dream too!"

While they high fived and discussed the odds, the guy in the cente...

Before we started dating, my girlfriend was in an abusive relationship and she'd Never talk about it.

For the entire first year of our relationship, I just thought she hated high fives.

How old are you, son?

Son: I’m 5.

Dad: High five, i’m dad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*My dad helping me find a gf*

Dad: What do you want most in a woman?

Me: My dick.

*Grounded and high fived*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a mouse that used to stop by a neighborhood tavern every night…

Like clockwork, at 5:15 pm that screen door would kick open and if you looked closely you’d see that crazy little mouse. He’d sprint to his bar stool, spin around the pole on one arm and hop right up to the cushion with a big shit-eating grin. High fives with the bartender. “Gimme a beer, Sam!” “Sur...

A man is brought to the gallows to be executed.

As they're putting the noose around his neck, he's asked if he has any last requests. he asked for a high five. But they left him hanging.

What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady?

Darth Vader probably gets high fived

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Said in my middle school science class. "Halophiles are a type of bacteria that can survive in the saltiest places on earth."

Student Response: Does that mean they can survive inside a Fortnite lobby?

I wanted to high five this student so hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Typical blonde

Death: It's your time. give me your hand


Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I'll never die!

Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You're soooo smart! High five!


Blonde: *high fives*

Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...

A kid asks his mom "whats dark humor"

Kid:Mom whats dark humor
Mom:See that man with no arms over there run over there and high five him
Kid:I can't i don't have legs

What is it called when you get high and then eat ice cream?

Getting cold-stoned.

I thought of this while I was in the shower, so I ran downstairs and told my wife. We both laughed and she gave me a high five, and here we are.

Two statisticians are out hunting...

Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high f...

A murderer is being hanged for his crimes...

A murderer is being hanged for his crimes, one of the officers ask him,” Do you have any last wishes?” The murderer replies,” Yes, actually can I get a high five?” The police officer is confused but agrees, he then asks the murderer why he wanted such a weird last wish, the murder then replies,” I j...

My girlfriend of 2 years just told me her ex used to beat her really badly, and she never told me b/c it's really painful for her to talk about. I feel bad I didn't figure it out sooner.

I always thought she just really hated high fives.

A man was sentanced to death

His execution would be by the noose at the gallows.

With the executioner readying him, about to cuff him when the priest asked the man with the rope around his neck if he had any last requests.

The man said "yes." *He raised his hand into the air just in time to prolong his cuffing by...

A hunter and two mathematics professors go duck hunting.

The hunter lets the professors have the first shot, and they both try to shoot the same duck.

The first professor shoots and misses by 25 metres to the right.

The second shoots and misses as well, by 25 metres to the left, then turns and high fives the first professor.

The hunte...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When celebrating with porn stars handshakes are best....

High fives can give you the clap

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