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Grand Canyon Jokes

I am so single. I went to Grand Canyon, alone. I yelled “I love you” just to hear it said back to me.

My echo replied. “I just want to be friends”

Why is the Grand Canyon called Grand Canyon?

He thought Gargantuan Canyon made him sound fat

The Grand Canyon is so beautiful

Or should I say gorge-ous!

TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom.

But not twice.

I've always wanted to visit the Grand Canyon

I hear it is just gorges.

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A sweet old lady took her awful grandkids to the Grand Canyon.

These kids were the worst. Constantly fighting, constantly screaming, constantly doing things they shouldn't, actively trying to piss off everyone else. Finally they sent her over the edge. >!Those kids are stronger than they look.!<

A man was at the Grand canyon

As he sat watching, ten puns came walking up. They all started talking excitedly and strapping on wings. He asked them what they were doing and they said they were going to fly down the canyon. One by one they all jumped off and began to glide down. Suddenly a gust of wind struck and they dropped ou...

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An eagle is flying over the Grand Canyon when it spies a frog by a stream.

The eagle swoops down and swallows the frog whole, flying off with a full stomach. Somehow the frog makes it through the eagle's digestive tract and pokes his head out of the eagle's asshole.

The frog takes a look around and yells back at the eagle: "Hey eagle. About how high up are we?
<...

A man decides to go horseback riding near the Grand Canyon

The man walks into a ranch and asks them for a nice mellow horse to go on a day ride with. The rancher says, "Sir I have just the horse for you. It was raised at the monastery just down the road and is very tame and obedient". Soon the horse is saddled up and the man is on it. The rancher says, "Now...

A cowboy walks into a livery stable and asks for a horse...

"I need a horse, but I'm short on cash. What can I get for $25?" the cowboy asks the owner.

"Well, for fifteen I can give you 'ol Bill. He's seen a few years but he's still a fast horse" replies the owner.

"Why so cheap then?"

"Well, he ain't so good at listening. You see, he ge...

Two men die and go to heaven, St. Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates

"Gentlemen," he says, "I'm very sorry, but your condos aren't ready yet, so I can send you back to Earth for a few days in whatever form you wish."

"Well," the first man says, "I always thought I'd like to be an eagle soaring majestically over the Grand Canyon."

"And I'd like to be a r...

What does the Pope say when the Grand Canyon starts to flash flood?

God, dam it.

While hiking at the Grand Canyon for the first time, my girlfriend was inspired by the view.

She confidently walked up to the edge and she turned to me and said "Ya know, I really want to make a difference. I really want to make an impact on this world."

...All she needed was a little push in the right direction.

Why do so many people want to see the Grand Canyon?

Well, you can’t deny it’s just gorges.

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So these three blondes die trying to jump the Grand Canyon...

Fortunately for them, they were all Christians, so they went straight up to Heaven and met Saint Peter at the gate. He put down his newspaper and greeted the women with a smile. "Alright ladies, I have no problem letting you into Heaven, but you need to answer me one simple question- what is Easte...

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One day in a school

the teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.  

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”  

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fa...

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Shoveling Shite

GRANDSON: Grandpa how come your hands are so rough and have so many scars?

GRANDPA: Since I was a boy I worked 15 hours a day in Arizona digging in the Grand Mountains. We worked 15 hours a day for 50 years. There were thousands of us.

GRANDSON Grandpa, it is the Grand CANYON that is i...

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Books Never Written

Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!

*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale

*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous

*Living Long* by Di...

My sister won’t let me hold her baby anymore...

Last time I held my sister’s baby, I dropped it. It wasn’t even a big deal, but she started freaking out. It was an accident! Just an accident, no big deal. What happened was, after I was holding the baby and I inevitably dropped it, we start arguing and she’s overreacting big time. She called the c...

Happy Easter

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh...

What's the difference between your mom and the Grand Canyon?

One is a tourist attraction... The other is the Grand Canyon

Have you read the book Grand Canyon mishap?

It was written by Illen Dover and Phil Lin.

I tried to get the Russian government to throw all of their old leaders in the Grand Canyon but they refused.

Nobody understands my Tzar Chasm...

A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through the Grand Canyon on a sightseeing tour.

The tour guide announces: "On the right of the airplane, you can see the famous Bright Angle Falls."

The tourists leap out of their seats and crowd to the windows on the right side. This causes a dynamic imbalance, and the plane violently rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon wall. ...

Putin and Trump met to discuss security.

They started to argue about who has better personal security. Naturally, Putin said he does, and Trump said he does. They were meeting at a Grand Canyon, so they went outside to settle this up. Putin told Trump, look. He ordered his security detachment beside him to jump off the canyon. The security...

What's the secret to your happy marriage?

The future son in law asks his future father in law.

He replies:

Well son, I took my new wife to the Grand canyon for our honeymoon. We rented mules to go down into the canyon. About a ¼ mile in the mule my betrothed was on steped into a hole on the trail and almost threw her. She whis...

A tourist came too close to the edge of the Grand Canyon

A tourist came too close to the edge of the Grand Canyon, lost his footing and
plunged over the side, clawing and scratching to save himself. After he went out of sight and just before he fell into space, he encountered a scrubby bush which he desperately grabbed with both hands. Filled with terr...

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A guy walking a tightrope over the Grand Canyon and a guy getting a blowjob from a ninety year old woman are both thinking the same thing

Don’t look down.

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, when...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all ...

The other day I dropped my baby nephew and my sister started freaking out

I understand that I should be more careful, but let’s be honest, who the f*** brings a baby to the Grand Canyon?

There was once an incorrigible punster.

No matter the situation her'd have a groaner ready. One day, served a simple dinner of buns and water, he quipped: "The bun is the lowest form of wheat."

His friends were so tired that they decided to come up with a situation that he could not turn into a pun. They took him to visit an orpha...

About to go to Arlington National Cemetery with my family

Me: “Arlington - our nations most hallowed ground”
Dad: “actually I think the Grand Canyon is our nations most hallowed ground”
Me: “the ultimate dad joke - happy Father’s Day haha”

The secret to a long marriage

A reporter was doing a human interest story for a local newspaper, and was interviewing an elderly couple celebrating sixty years of marriage. The obvious question the reporter posed was "What's the secret to a long marriage?"

"Oh," the man started. "It's all about perseverance. On our hon...

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Two souls, one thought

A man is sitting on his balcony, overseeing Paris, while getting a blowjob from a 82-year old woman.
Same time, a man is walking a rope spanning the Grand Canyon.
They have exactly the same thought...which?

Don't look down!

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A family on vacation arrives at the Grand Canyon early in the morning to watch the sun rise

The father insisted on getting away from tourists so he drove to an isolated area where they would have the view to themselves. No one else is around so they decide to take turns being photographer so everyone can get in one picture. The son offers to go first. "Ok everyone back up just a bit so I c...

A father-son hike

A Father and his son are hiking in the grand canyon. The go around some bends, over some hills, and through some nooks. They round the bend and see a native american sitting on a rock.

The father points to the native american and says, “son, native americans have the best memory of any people...

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"We got plenty of those where I come from." NSFW

So... an American, Russian, and a Mexican are sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon just hanging out as they so often do. After a while the Mexican pulls out a huge joint and sparks it up. He proceeds to smoke only half of it and tosses the rest into the canyon. The Russian says "Hey man, why didn...

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Bob and Mary are celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary.

The local news decides to do an op-ed on them. The reporter asks Bob, You two have been married 75 years, what's your secret?

Bob says...Well on our honeymoon, we decide to take a trip to the Grand Canyon. We rent some donkeys and start our adventure. An hour in, Mary's donkey slips on some ...

A man strikes up a conversation with another gentleman who is older he tells him its going to be his 50th wedding anniversary this week

the young man replies wow, that's amazing. tell me what's your secret.
the older gentleman replies well ill tell you, it all started back when we were on our honeymoon. we were at the grand canyon and going to take a mule ride down into the valley. we saddled up and my wife tried to get on the m...

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his ...

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