This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave's wife is out for the night and he decides to eat some shrooms. He passes out and wakes up at the pearly gates of heaven.

St Peter greets him and explains that he's actually died from eating some bad shrooms. However, if he makes dinner for Jesus and his 12 disciples *AND* they happen to like it, he'll be revived back on earth.

He enters a huge kitchen, packed with every kind of ingredient imaginable. Dave coul...

I like your thinking

A teacher asks her class: “If there are 3 birds on a lake and you shoot one of them how many will be left?”

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ”None, they all fly away with the first gun shot” The teacher replies: “The correct answer is 2, but I like your thinking.” Then Little Johnny s...

Wives are like Thanksgiving Turkeys.

They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a cock sucking gremlin?

A nob gobbling hob goblin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Things you can say at Christmas

* I prefer breasts to legs
* Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
* Smother the butter all over the breasts
* If I don't undo my trousers I'll burst.
* I've never seen a better spread.
* I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
* Are you ready for a second yet?
* It's...

Little Billy in Math class

Little Billy was in math class and the teacher asked, 'If there are 4 birds on a telephone wire, and the farmer shoots one of them off, how many are left?' Little Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, 'Yes Billy?' Little Billy says 'Zero! Because when the farmer shoots the other bir...

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