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Fluttering Jokes

A calligrapher died peacefully in his sleep.

He soon woke up in a land of paradise. He spent the next few days exploring. Heaven was exactly as he imagined—pristine rolling hills, golden castles upon cloud tops, reunions with lost loved ones, and endless opportunities to explore one's hobbies. He had access to the finest selection of inks and ...

Putin dies and goes to hell.

He's met by the devil, who explains to him that he will be shown three different floors and he has to choose which one to spend eternity in.

The devil takes Putin to the first floor where everyone is standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Anytime someone started to tip or fall over, litt...

A man walks into a bar

and he walks up to the bartender. While he’s ordering his drink, he notices on the counter a tiny man playing a tiny piano right next to a genie lamp.

The bartender says “Ah. I see you’ve noticed I have a genie... but the genie has a hearing problem.”

The man asks the bartender “Would ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman at grocery store proceeds to the check out...

She greet the male cashier with a friendly smile and starts placing her groceries on the belt.

She places on the belt a single banana, a single serve tinned soup, and a microwave meal for one.

The cashier scans her items, turns to the lady and says “So, single are you?”

The ...

A man runs into a crowded bar and yells “Run! Bad Bob is coming!”

Everyone in the bar dropped their drink, screamed and ran for the doors. Soon there was nothing in the bar but fluttering napkins and a speechless bartender.

Boom! The bartender looked up. BOOM! Right outside the door. CRASH! The door splintered. In walked a man, dressed all in black. Guns ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dutch and belgian soldier patroll the river maas. (Srry if repost)

Patrols are conducted on both sides of the river Maas. A Dutch soldier walks on one side, a Belgian soldier on the other. It is early in the morning and there is still some fog on the water.

The Dutch soldier wonders which section of the army the Belgian soldier is on. He wants to ask the Be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat.

The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while taking out his water bottle from his school bag. Once he got close...

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In the beginning, when Man was first created, all the members of the body held a meeting to decide who should be in charge.

The brain said that it should be in charge because it had the power of decision making and so controlled what everything else in the body did.

The eyes pointed out that they were the ones who saw everything, including whatever objectives the brain was going to decide to pursue, so they shou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there was this guy

So there was this guy, yeah?

He wakes up in the middle of the night, sees an angel standing at the foot of his bed.

Angel says, "Hey, man! Yeah... hate to tell you this, but, um... it's your, uh... time. Yeah."

Dude's all like, "Wait, what? Whaddya mean it's 'my time'?"

A...

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