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Seamen Jokes

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Me: What’s something hard, long and full of seamen in it?

Her: a dick

Me: I was thinking of a submarine, but I like the way you think.

What's big, round, long and filled with seamen?

A submarine.

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(NSFW) Two whales are swimming in the ocean and discover a little sailing boat...

one whale asks the other:

"Do you want to have some fun? Let's swim under the boat and blow air to make the boat capsize!"

He agrees. So they dive under the boat, blow air and the boat flips.

"This was fun. What do you think about eating the sailors? It would be a shame to let t...

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A dirty joke told by 85yo grandpa to the whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at...

Why did the seamen cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong pair of socks

A sea captain and his seamen...

Were out protecting the coast from pirates. As they were sailing, they spot one pirate ship. The captain yells to his seaman

"Everyone prepare for battle" and he calls for first mate and says "First mate, bring me my red coat"

The first mate brings the red coat and they beat the pirate...

The captain asks a seamen to tell him how "2" is written in Latin.

The seamen replies "Aye aye, capt'n!"

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I applied to manage the US Naval sperm bank in Bangkok. The interviewer said they couldn’t hire me, because I was a domestic civilian.

He said only an overseas seaman oversees overseas seamen semen overseas.

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How do you get seamen out of a sub?

You can't, but please stop fucking the sandwiches.

What do a giant squid and a paid hooker have in common

They both eat seamen

Seamen never laugh at my puns.

They're just too littoral.

(NSFW) What is seamen's favorite animal?

A swallow.

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A seamen, an airmen, and a green beret, are stranded on an island...

and captured by a tribe of cannibals. The tribe ties them up and brings them in front of the chief. The chief explains to them, “We are going to eat you and skin you and use you to make our new canoes. We thank you for this gift and as a thank you we will allow you to choose the way you die.”
...

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The Cod Captain and His Seamen's Semen

Several centuries ago, Irish fishermen sought fortune fishing cod off the coast of Newfoundland. During the long cross-Atlantic journey, many captains worried about their men after so much time away from their wives.

One devoutly Catholic captain was especially concerned that his men might re...

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Two whales seek revenge.

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the ...

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Two whales are chilling in the ocean when a boat floats above them...

Whale 1: Hey, you know what would be funny? If we went under the boat and tipped it over with our blow holes.

Whale 2: Haha yeah, let's do it!

*The two whales proceed to go under the boat, blow their blow holes and tip it over*

Whale 1: Hahaha that was great! You know what woul...

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Two whales

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a boat. One whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes, and capsize it."

"Okay," says the other whale.


They proceed to do so and swim ...

Why did the captain serve pineapple on his ship?

He heard it makes your seamen sweeter.

She was only the Admiral's daughter....

But her naval base was always full of discharged seamen.

My dad told me I should join the Russian Navy

Because we're both a waste of Seamen

Who named the Sperm Whales?

Seamen.

What do a blonde and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?

They both swallow seamen.

Why do they call camels the ships of the desert?

Because they're full of Arab seamen.

How do you make a tissue sail the seven seas?

Put some seamen in it

Why did the shark eat a pineapple before attacking the sailor?

Pineapple makes seamen taste better

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"I sexually identify as The RMS Titanic"

"I must lay my Seamen to rest in a dark wet place."

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The Book Report

The world’s cleverest student does the world’s funniest book report:-

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, ‘Titanic’ and ‘My Life’ by Bill Clinton.
One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

*...

Why do people refer to boats as “she”

Because they’re full of seamen.

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Why are the Army, Marines, and Air Force evacuating personnel in Afghanistan and not the Navy?

We don't want to leave any Seamen behind when we pull out.

Why did the hotel refuse hospitality to the Navy?

They didn't want their rooms covered with seamen.

How do boats reproduce if they are all girls?

They are covered in seamen.

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So two whales are swimming along...

... when they spot a whaling ship. The first whale, in shock, says, "Hey! That's that ship that attacked our pod last year. We should sink it. We'll dive deep under the boat and blow bubbles up. The bubbles will capsize the boat and they'll sink!"

The second whale agrees and they begin their ...

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

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Moby Dick and his girlfriend

Tilt a boat over by blowing on it, causing the sailors to fall overboard. When he suggest they eat the sailors, his girlfriend said.

'Look, I already helped you with the blowjob, but I am not going to swallow the seamen.'

What do Bermuda triangele and blondes have in common?

They've both swallowed a lot of Seamen.

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One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean

One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean. They came across a whalers ship and the first whale was immediately angered by this. He tells the second whale,

*“Whalers killed my brother! I want revenge! Let’s use our blowholes as hard as we can to tip the ship underneath and drown them!”*<...

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What does a kraken and a prostitute have in common?

Both of their bellies are full of seamen.

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Dirty Whale joke

A male and female whale were swimming in an ocean. They noticed a whaling ship sailing nearby. The male whale told the female whale: "This is the same ship that was used to kill my dad."

Then he proceeded to say: "I have a plan. Let's swim right below the ship, and use our blowholes at once. ...

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Beyond just the name, Moby Dick was still totally gay

He swallowed a lot of seamen

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A girlfriend and boyfriend whale spot a whaling vessel.

The male whale recognised the vessel as the vessel that killed his father, he mentions this to his girlfriend. He says to his girlfriend will you help me take revenge on the whaling vessel. She is more than happy to help out her boyfriend.

The boyfriend’s plan is to swim up under the vessel a...

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What do a pornstar and Godzilla have in common?

They've both swallowed boatloads of seamen.

What did Percy Jackson's mom love about his dad, Poseidon?

His seamen

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A male whale is with his girlfriend female whale

The male suggests that they go below a human boat and blow through their blowholes.

"C'mon, it will be fun!" He said.
The girlfriend replyed "Ok, anything for you honey."

And so they go below a boat with humans on it and they blow.
The boat went flying, and fell on its side.
<...

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That sunken Nazi submarine they just found is a lot like my girlfriend

Dead and full of seamen

Why is a camel called the ship of the desert?

Because it’s filled with Arab seamen

What do an Iranian Submarine and an Iranian Camel have in common?

They're both full of Iranian seamen.

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Why can't the navy participate in the Space Force?

Gamma radiation kills seamen.

Not so fast…

The captain of a navy vessel is on the bridge one day when the bosun enters and asks to use the PA system. The captain agrees and the bosun gets on the PA and barks out “Attention seaman first class Johnson! Your mother is dead!! That is all!”

The Captain is mortified and grabs hold of the bo...

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What do prostitutes and battleships have in common?

They are filled with seamen

I’m considering a career change to global boating logistics...

...so when people ask what I do, I can say that I spread my seamen all over the world.

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What do you call a ship full of horny sailors?

A boatload of seamen.

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Military joke: the enemy is storming the front en masse.

Army general turns to his soldiers, "boys, go get em!"
They all go out running at the enemy and they all die.

Navy Admiral turns to his seamen, "boys, storm those beaches!"
They all rush ashore and every last one of them are killed.

Marine General turn to his men all cocky, "...

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C-Worthy NSFW

And then there’s the one about the killer whales who got tired of whales getting killed off by fishermen. So a pod of them got together to plan a retaliation.

The pod leader says, “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. The next time a group of boats come by, we’ll swim under them, use our blo...

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Make your own joke. "My cock is Titanic...."

A few ones to far:

Leonardo Dicaprio went down on it

It's full of dead seamen

Women and children go first

The lucky ones survive

Any more ideas?

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Two whales were swimming through ocean when... NSFW

They spotted a whaling vessel overhead. The young whale turns to the old whale and says, "Hey, Mom! Thats the boat that killed father. Lets get it!" The mother turns to her daughter, nodding in agreement, and says, "Heres what we will do: I will swim directly under the boat and blow bubbles until th...

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Stormy Seas Ahead

Officer Lanvin was saying his goodbyes to his family because his vessel, the HMCS Beauregard was taking to the ocean for a 6 month long mission.

Through teary eyes, he waved to his family, uncertain about the future, wanting to cherish the view of them waving to him because it would be so lon...

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There are 2 whales, we'll call them whale #1 and whale #2

Whale #1 said "Hey let's use our blowholes to mess with that ship"

Whale #2 said "Sure, okay"

The boat flipped upside down and people were drowning and swimming around

Whale #1 then said "Let's eat these people"

Whale #2 replied "Hey man I was up for a blowjob but I'm no...

Why is it so easy for girls in the navy to get pregnant?

Because there's so many seamen.

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What happens on a strict ship?

The seamen go anal

Why did the nun go to confession after sailing?

The boat was full of seamen.

What does Titanic disaster and your moms dietary plan have in common?

Lots of drowned seamen.

Why can't you send sailors through the mail?

You try explaining to the postman why you have a load of seamen for him.

What did the killer whale do when the boat came?

Swallowed all the seamen

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