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Fave Jokes

One of my dads faves

Burglars have broken into Scotland Yard and stolen all the toilets

Police say they have nothing to go on

My late dad's fave joke

There were 2 fish in a tank



One says to the other,



"How do we drive this thing?"

I just remembered this joke to leave a comment in r/mariners, and I thought some of you would enjoy it. It was my dad's fave.

A Californian, a Texan, and a Washingtonian are out on a hunting trip, but it's not going well. Three hours, nothing.

The Californian pulls a bottle of wine out of his bag, throws it way up in the air, and shoots it.

"Wha'd you do that for?" asks the Texan. "That was a perfectly good b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my all-time faves...

A woman was involved in a near-fatal car accident that rendered her comatose. For weeks she laid in her hospital bed, showing no signs of improvement. Her faithful husband visited her several times a day, never giving up hope.
One morning, a nurse was performing a sponge bath on her patient whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats an electrical engineers fave sex position?

The super position

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my faves

Two old Romanian women were shopping in an outdoor vegetable market. One of them picks up a couple of potatoes and says, "These remind me of my husband's testicles."

The other lady leans over for a look and says, "Oh, that big?" And the first lady shakes her head and says, "No, that dirty!"

My Irish mom always told jokes about wee Paddy. This one was always my fave.

There was an Englishman, a Scot and wee Paddy from Ireland all stranded on an island. They found a genie lamp and they rubbed it and a genie appeared and said they had three wishes. They quickly decided they would each get one. The Englishman wished to be back home with his family. *Poof* he was gon...

My wife fave birth to our daughter yesterday. She was born with jaundice

So there she was - small round and yellow. We called her *melon*-y

I need your hilarious minds.

Help me come up with a funny thing to dress up as for a party that’s themed “be my date on this date”. AKA, dress up as a day of the year or holiday. Fave idea so far is going as a box for boxing day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(uncouth) A priest and a rabbi are walking by a playground...

The priest says "Let's fuck those kids"

The rabbi says, "Outta what?"

One of my faves, always makes me chuckle when I think of it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey's Divorce

Mickey Mouse is in his divorce lawyer's office.
Lawyer: I'm sorry, Mr. Mouse, but you cannot divorce your wife for being silly.
Mickey Mouse: I didn't say she was silly. I said she was FUCKING GOOFY!

Probably not the first time this has been posted, but I just found this subreddit and...

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Flatulence problem...

**Okay, so I usually post my own jokes, but I thought i'd switch it up with one of my faves that's not written by me:**



There was an old married couple that had lived happily together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of brea...

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